37 being edited, some news · 6:31pm Nov 2nd, 2014
Damn, I'm tired. Before I dive into anything, should probably give an update on my personal health and the like.
Relationship with my parents is slowly rebuilding. Was just over my eldest sister's place for my birthday (which is technically tomorrow) and it wasn't as awkward as the other encounters with mom and dad since I revealed my orientation shift. Maybe my family life will go back to normal soon. It's always nice seeing my niece and nephews, anyway, because...
Well, I'm not going to go into great detail with this as I have other things, as I'd need to write about an essay or so recapping what happened for the majority of the year, but I've been borderline suicidal since 2012. Last year I was fairly stable, kicked a persistent cocaine habit, discovered the joys of writing, met the people who would change my life in the year and a half to follow. However, within the last few months, I've slipped into an old, for lack of a better word, depression. I've found myself planning how to do it over and over... and I'm going to get help. I've got an appointment with my family doctor on the 9th and... go from there, I suppose. I really don't know how I'm even going to approach the situation, the very thought of confronting the idea that there may be something wrong with me mentally makes me very, very anxious.
Finally getting my EEG results tomorrow, so that might shed light on the weird episodes I've been having. I've been cross-checking the symptoms with mental aliments and I want to say I figured it out (anxiety disorder. I'm Scootaloo, I guess?), but the list of symptoms for anxiety disorder is a fucking continent long, so I'm going to let my doctor or a therapist take a poke at me first before I start demanding muh privilege on social media websites
SO ENOUGH DEPRESSING CRAP, KRSIHNAKARNAK
So, I had finished chapter 37 and sent it off for editing. I'll be changing editors for the time being, perhaps permanently, as not to distract ShootingStar159 from some important things he's handling right now. I just want to send out a big thanks to him for putting up with my bullcrap for so long, because scrolling through old google docs comments tells me I must be so damn annoying to work with because I challenge every suggestion like a 16 year old. He's looked over a lot for me, even stuff that isn't his cup of tea, and I'm damn grateful for it. You guys should show your own gratitude by checking out two of his fics, Birthday Wishes, a Scootafic, and a favourite of mine, The Rising Stars. The latter fic concerns a young Starswirl (the Beardless, I'd call 'em) after meeting Princess Luna and has some of the best world building I've ever read. Both fics are on hiatus right now and I can only hope he returns to writing them one day, because phew. Good stuff.
Now, as I've said before, it's been my plan recently to finally give WRTMI the split, leaving the different acts as their own separate stories. The differences between Acts 1 and 2 are so staggering to begin with. This would normally be acceptable if their sizes were at least comparable, but they just ain't. A rewrite/revision of Act 1 is planned and that'll be its own standalone fic, WRTMI Book 1 or whatever I end up calling it. Events will be largely unchanged, but the whole damn thing needs a facelift and I can't leave my old stuff alone for the very life of me. I am not Edna Mode (or Miss Cassandra... see chapter 13) who never looks back. Act 2 will be getting similar treatment to keep it lined up nicely with Ac—Book 1 (Harry Potter and the Nebuchadnezzar's Grass? Chapter 12. Yes I have chapters 1-15 memorized), but I don't see it being as big a job as Act 1; I actually started writing properly after a while, or at least, I think I did, so Act 2 shouldn't be too hard to revise.
So when is this all taking place?
I'm gonna finish Act 2 first. I had a couple different plot threads I wanted to start/finish in 37, but plans change with time and I believe losing all my progress/notes months ago lead me to avoiding a really, really stupid mistake concerning something with a certain little orange pegasus, so that's cool. 38 might be difficult to write. Certainly shouldn't take as long as 37, but I need to carefully plan how I'm going to lay down the story from here to the end of the Act to avoid repeating past mistakes. Hope ya guys like it!
Holy crap no wonder you havent been writing alot latetly all of this depression gee sucks to be you man
see fluttershy cares... but then again she cares about everyone... so is that new? Good luck on writing man hope life gets better... though i doubt you'l read this
Good luck!!
2569931 I read it all my friend, thanks!
It might very well be an anxiety issue. My sister actually has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and based on a couple of the symptoms you've shared with all of us, it does sound like a plausible reason. And while it does suck, the good news is that GAD and the like do become much easier to manage with help and things like therapy. It certainly helped my sister.
Good on you for seeking help, KK.
In other news, I'm glad to hear your writing is still coming strong. Also glad to hear that the deletion of all that progress (while obnoxious as all hell) might've had a silver lining to it, too. That's always a good feeling.
Take care, dude. And remember: you got the powah.
I'm glad to hear you have an appointment coming up to seek help. I'm also glad you have shared some of these events in your life with us. It takes a lot to open up to a bunch of strangers on the internet. In one sense you are placing yourself into a very vulnerable position. Just realize that you're a pretty strong person for having lived through what you've been through and for having the courage to talk about it openly.
Keep us updated, hope things start to look up from this point on.
2570072 thanks. Maybe I will need a therapist. Maybe they'll just throw me on some mellow meds and it'll all be peachy, I don't know...
2570129 thanks. I don't really consider it a big thing to talk, really, about intimate features of my life. Gosh, I'll happily tell anyone who'll listen about how great a boyfriend I found. I know there's so many folks with similar experiences and circumstances, and I've always found it helpful reading about people when I see my own reality reflected.
That's awful that you're having suicidal thoughts
We love ya too much! Good idea on going to see someone. I would give you some advice but I don't really have too much experience with depression.