Thoughts on Guilty Hornet - Feedback, Please! · 7:15pm Oct 20th, 2014
I just wanted to put a few thoughts I've been having about 'Guilty Hornet' up here, and hopefully get some feedback from my admittedly small group of readers.
Firstly, it has not escaped my attention that the story hasn't had the most enthusiastic reception. Ratings have thus far been stubbornly sitting at a ratio of one dislike for every two likes, and whilst this is not a terrible thing, it is worse than I was expecting. I've been thinking about why this could be, and I think I may have been simply trying too hard to make something clever and thought provoking.
I don't think I've done as well writing Chrysalis's perspective as I could have. The Chrysalis I have in mind here is not one who shies from the fact that she is queen; her high status is a big part of who she is, and I wanted to show this through her inner monologue's formality. The problem is, I think, that I went much too far with it - and, re-reading the chapter with a more open mind, this is really quite apparent.
This formality and over-use of more complex words, whilst intended to add to the story and make Chrysalis a more defined character, seems to have detracted from the story quite significantly. Maybe I'm taking the underwhelming ratings too much to heart, but I think some rewriting and a slight change of style is in order, and I would seriously appreciate some input from my readers on how best to go about this.
The other thought I had was about the length of the story. I'm not sure how best to pace it, and I would like some opinions on how long is too long for this sort of story.
So to recap, what I'd like to know is:
1. Would you be in favour of a slight rewrite and minor change in style towards less formal narration?
2. How long do you think the story should last?
Thanks in advance.
-Zombificus