(Stories) Am I dead? · 2:53am Oct 14th, 2014
Ever so slightly, yes; and I would like to deeply apologize for it.
Ever since the starting of my junior year I have found real life rushing over me like a tsunami. Projects, job hunting, parties, friends, and a lot of gaming, I see now that with all of those, there is a little to no time for any writing.
Which is a shame really, I love writing, yet at the same time I cannot find the motivation to get up a do anything about it.
Instead I have been doing more important things, such as job hunting which now seems rather promising seeing that I have found two companies in which I have connections in; and both have open positions. Next is that every week I'm stuck doing a project for my career course back in school, and finally I have been hanging/gaming with my friends.
Now should I rephrase that not all of those take up 100% of my time. Whenever the weekend arrives I have plenty of time, sad thing is... I'm drained. Drained to the point that I can hardly put any words on the screen, so far I have estimated that my writing has dropped from about ten thousand words a week to now zero maybe close to a thousand.
Mighty change isn't it?
I have been trying to combat this lack of motivation though. Mainly through watching tours of my favorite authors (you know when they get up on stage and give advice, tell stories, or host Q&As), and reading. And no I am not reading other fan fiction, actual books! Surprising I know.
I'm reading two know to be specific:
Stephen Kings: The Dark Half (133 Pages in)
and
Stephen Kings: The Stand (300+ Pages in)
I'm a big King fan for those of you who want to know. Loved the man since the seventh grade when I first walked into the Library and picked up "Misery"; couldn't sleep for days after I finished it. Matter of fact I love the man so much that I'm actually doing a project on him for my American Literature class, twelve slide power point with a six page essay. Not something I'm too happy about either, learning about the man is fun, but damn... I hate writing essays.
Now for those of you who might be thinking about why I'm writing this huge ass blog and not working on entertaining you lot. Well lets just say writing these little blogs actually helps me out.
As of lately, or maybe even a few months back. I haven't been feeling the greatest, no I'm not sick, or in any pain (physically that is). I've just get this little pang in my chest, only small, but you know what they say "Death by a thousand paper cuts"; and this little pang of guilt, sadness, whatever the Hell it is. Started finally chiseling away at me not too long ago. Around the end of July I think.
I don't know if it's depression, (and if it is I have no clue on why I would be depressed) stress, or just flat out feeling useless whenever it comes to actually doing something. It's just been slowly chipping pieces off of me bit by bit, and I usually feel this way whenever I'm just... by myself really.
So I usually try to distract myself by doing stuff I believe is rather productive...
It's like a drug really, working is like my fix. If I'm doing something that is "productive" so I think, I feel like myself. But the second, the second I drop what I'm doing and is just sitting there with my thumb up my ass I get that weird depressed feeling. Why? Again I have not a fucking clue.
I apologize for saying all of that, but it feels nice to get it out of my system. At least ya'll know why I'm going so slow, and I hope you don't lose your grasp on me completely.
Thanks for reading this guys, and I hope ya'll have a great night.
I know that feeling. It sucks. I was in the process of digging my way out of it recently.
I've just been waiting for a new chapter of "What am I?"