Full moon, 2 a.m. · 8:59am Oct 7th, 2014
The post I had hoped to make tonight:
"Hi everyone, great news! I finally kicked writer's block's plot and pushed out the last few words of yamgoth's commission, which leaves Hard Reset 2 topmost on my stack, and I've got some great ideas to charge forward into the next arc with. I know I've been silent, and avoiding questions about the story, but that's because I wanted to come back with progress to report and now that has occurred! etc., etc."
Instead, I got a text message midway through tonight's RCL reading, and ended up talking all night with my best friend over homemade tomato confit, consoling him over his breakup with his partner of seven years.
At least I had some good insight to offer. Did I ever mention that, this February, after eight-plus years of marriage, my wife and I separated?
(… no? Uh, then I guess you heard it here first.)
2014 has … to put it bluntly … been a shitty year for me. This spring (you may recall, because I did post about that here) I also had the vasculitis scare, aka the "Spotted Gimp Legs Of Potentially Cancerous Doom". Somewhere in among all that, I had a nervous breakdown at work, amid a failed migration project and severe doubt over whether the fiber project we'd been chasing was ever going to happen. Health, money, relationships: what wasn't breaking all at once?
(Answer: Ponyfic. Thank the stars for all of you folks.)
The good news is that — despite all of that — I'm actually doing okay! The separation was totally amicable and drama-free, and I've had half a year to adjust to living by myself and rediscover my perspective on "divorce does not make you a failed human being". It wasn't cancer. My last vasculitis flare-up was in midsummer, and given that I've had several triggering events since then without seeing the Return of the Dots, I might actually be as over it as I'm going to get. My boss was totally understanding, and took me down to part-time for a while at no loss of salary, and I'm still working with him to find an optimal schedule. We just announced our fiber launch event, because it's about as certain as it's going to get without the check being literally in our hands. I picked myself back up on the migration project and have brought it mostly to completion, along with getting to play miracle-worker by resurrecting our billing system into the cloud (a task nobody, including me, thought was possible) after the server's motherboard locked up.
Summer was about changing my routines and healing. Three evenings a week went into Ultimate Frisbee league — and some much-needed physical exercise — and some of my other leisure time started going into cooking, what with trying to find ways to use up the produce from a farm card I got in website work exchange. After Everfree, I stayed in Seattle with friends for a week for a much-needed vacation. I've been filling in time around the edges with anime and video games, because there's sometimes no substitute for giving your brain a break.
And tonight, when my best friend was wading through an eerily similar pile of shit, I was able to look him in the eye and state firmly, it gets better. Six months in, the house is still too empty and I'm still having some strange physical symptoms (like these weird low-blood-sugar overwhelms where I'll be sitting there doing okay, and then suddenly want to curl into a ball and burst into tears; but if I drink a little Gatorade and do some deep breathing, it passes quickly enough), but I'm at peace with where I am.
Looking back on all that, though, no friggin' wonder that my horsewords dried up this spring. I had a bit of a buffer on HR2 that carried me into May, but the new words dried up around the time that everything fell apart. Thank goodness for the Writeoff Association — otherwise I wouldn't have gotten anything out since then.
So, are things gonna happen? Yes. I won't make promises as to how quickly, because historically A) I'm a slow writer and B) my follow-through on long-term projects has been absolutely wretched and C) HR2 is already the longest single work I've ever written; but it's on top of the list. I continue to see new followers trickle into it at a surprising rate — despite the story being untouched for five months — and I know it's worth doing, and I know I've got cool places to take it.
I didn't really write this to apologize for HR2, though (as much as that feels necessary). This is more a general status update, spurred by tonight's realization of just how far I've come. I hope the season's finding you well, also.
...Wow... I knew you were going through some shit man, but DAMN.
Good to know things are getting better though. And not just because of horsewords.
Still though...dang...
No, you didn't mention it, and that was probably within a few weeks of my visit, too. I'm sorry to hear that. I am glad to hear that things are improving, though, and that the vasculitis is pretty much gone.
I've slowed to a crawl on pretty much everything but Cubic Zirconia, and with two months between my last update and the one before that, I'm not doing that great on that one either, so I can sympathise on the slow update speeds...
--arcum42
Huh. I was relying on HR2 to get me through rough times at work, at a time when things were much worse for you. Glad to hear you're in a safe spot now.
Btw, saw Edge Of Tomorrow, loved it more because I've seen the tropes here and HR1, and they wrote it smart. First time he woke up, I loudly said, "well, That didn't work."
Yeesh, I had no idea. Glad things are on the mend, and best of luck finding your new normal. I know it can take some time.
I...wow. Not really sure I can say much, other than that I sincerely hope things keep on the mend for you. Now I feel terrible about pushing for a Hard Reset 2 update. Absolutely no pressure man, no apologies are necessary; as much as we all enjoy reading your stuff, we're happy to wait.Glad to hear things are looking up, and hope they stay that way.
Ouch. I'm very glad to hear you're on the upswing. The pony stories will be ready when they're ready, and I don't expect them a moment earlier. Take as long as you need. I know they'll be worth the wait.
Jesus, I had no idea. I went through a semi-amicable divorce myself about five years ago... super stressful and I didn't even have all the other stuff you've been dealing with going on. Glad to hear you're doing more or less okay now.
Oh, jeez. That's some crappy stuff there. I'm glad to hear everything's on the upswing, though!
And don't feel like you gotta apologize for HR2. I mean, you totally need to apologize for writing it and destroying our feels with angst and sadness, but not for not being able to put up chapters while everything in your life was blowing up at once.
Woah. You've gone through a rough year, man. It's truly good to hear you've not just survived it all, but are actually doing okay!
And there is no need to apologize; real life always goes before fanfic, as much fun as that is.
Uh. Wow. o.O
I suddenly realize that, as much as I interact with you, you're a pretty private person. Like, I have the sneaking suspicion that you're a good bit older than I am, which isn't something I often say about people in this fandom. I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you, at least. If you ever need an ear, I'd be more than happy.
Yikes, sounds likes it's been complicated, but mostly not tragic. Glad to hear you are doing alright, and take all the time you need.
As others have said, wow, you were going through a lot. I wish I had known; I wouldn't have been able to really do much, but I would have been able to give you "I hope life sucks less soon" hugs at BABSCon and EFNW. You are beloved, and burdens are meant to be shared.But you're still alive, and it sounds like things are on the upswing now. And now I want to find an ultimate frisbee league to join. And knowing things are looking up, I can bug you about the cowled changelings story and Thou Goddess annotations, guilt free.
2514089 as much as you give off an air of wisdom and experience, aren't you like, 22, the same age as me, except unlike me you can actually write decent stories?
2514144
HAHA NO you're off by a factor of 1.5 :B My mental age is about 2/3 my real age and always has been.
Uh, wow... I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much
It's good hear that you're feeling okay though, especially in light of all those life events.
Good luck, take care, and find things to smile about.
As negative as yours has been recently, it's always interesting to hear about the lives of those we follow on this site. See the realities behind the avatars. There are many stories out there beyond our own, and often are far more interesting. Glad to hear things are turning up.
I would be remiss not to send along my consolations as well. Glad to hear you're on the mend. Hang in there!
Dude, 2014 has been kicking your ass.
I feel ya on the health scares and work issues. Lord knows I've had my own. My insomnia has lead to a few scary micro-sleep events while I'm driving and having a conversation at the same time. It's also had negative repercussions at work when a co-worker happened to notice me asleep (during my LITERALLY 8 seconds of sleep) at my desk. It's slowed me down on my animations and voice-over work. It's affecting my memory, my weight, everything.
I'm glad to hear things are improving though and that the divorce was more or less amicable. I was curious where you'd been and what had happened to HR2. But from one glacially slow writer to another, keep working on it. You'll get there and we'll be waiting to cheer you on.
Damn, sounds like a more extreme version of what I went through a couple years ago... Glad to hear you made it out the other side.
I read this post just before I left for work this morning, and it stuck with me the whole time. A lot of the people responding here seem to be focusing on the negatives you passed through, and that makes sense, but what sticks with me is what a hopeful, forward-looking take you've put forward. It's not always easy to see the positives, and I'm glad you're still seeing them.
Now, I've just got to give this HR2 thing a gander sometime...
I hope things keep getting better for you.
Onward! 
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A large part of why I felt I had to stay up at 2 am writing that post is that the aforementioned friend is even worse about being a private person; to the point where sometimes you can't even tell he's hurting until things melt down, and I've seen the damage that does.
My six-month silence on things like the divorce isn't quite like that. There are other circumstances around it, like the fact that we made a point of telling our families, but after that never coordinated the joint announcement we intended to make (so that we could get the word out without hurting anyone's feelings by having them be out of the loop). This is the first point at which I've given up and basically said, "this has been the reality of the situation for so long it's time to publically acknowledge it."
But the important thing last night was that I didn't want to be that sort of black box. If things do go downhill again, being honest about where I am makes it that much easier to ask for help when I do need it.
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Slow writers unite!
2514054
Seriously, glad you're out the other side as well.
Divorcees … unite?
2514596
Best of luck managing your own damage, and I will totally raise a glass with you to outlasting evolution's mistakes once we're in our shiny future robot bodies.
Biochemistry victims unite
2514089
I think we're actually almost the same age. (Born 1977.) But in contrast to you, I've always been older than my years. I think it goes with the whole dragon thing.
2514849
Yeah, I'm definitely grateful that there's calm after the storm. I think you've seen, on the RCL e-mail list, some of the lows, so it's an immense relief to feel like those are receding behind me.
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And, most importantly, thank you all for the good thoughts (and to everyone who comments after this, whether or not I respond to you personally). The sympathy and empathy and caring are oh so
tastymeaningful, and brought a smile to my morning.I know I mimic everyone else when I say "holy hell I had no idea", but, man, I had no idea. I'm always sorry to hear of endings between two people, because relationships are the greatest (and toughest) things on earth, and even when divorce is necessary and good it's still, well, sad.
I'm relieved to hear you're in a good place though, horizon. Woo! And let me tell you (though I'm quite sure you already know), late night talks over homemade tomato confit are the talks that change the course of lives, that reshape our inner places, and sometimes, literally save a friend's life. You did exactly what was right and important: you put caring for another person first. You showed them love. That's the kind of choice I will always honor.
But don't ever forget that person sitting on the other side of the table from your friend: yourself. If you don't have a friend to have talks with like that, find one, because you deserve that kind of support too.
And I know, the writeoffs are great, aren't they?
2515408
You're quite welcome. Anything I can help you with just let me know.
And on the topic of moons, gonna have time to take in the eclipse tonight/early tomorrow? I am uncertain what Luna feels about eclipses, quite frankly!
2515400
Then the quirks of genetics and the disparaging nature of time can bite our shiny metal asses. Also, sexy robot nurses.
The future is bright indeed.
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I kinda want to, but it starts at like 4 am.
I went outside to watch the April 15 eclipse with her. There's an ambivalence, yes, but also a sort of fascination.
2515408
I hope things continue to get better. (They'll get worse, eventually... just use the time you have as best you can.)
Yeah, I knew you'd had a couple rough months, but not to that degree. Add my best wishes to the pile.
As for divorces, I have sort of a weird perspective on it. Things between my parents were always kinda tense growing up, and you can bet your life kids pick up on that sort of thing. They divorced a good while ago, and are now better friends than they ever were when they were married. Make of that what you will.
Oh, that reminds me, I've got some things I wanted to ask you re: HR2. One of them was about the wedding, one of them was some other plothole thing I don't really remember, and then one has to do with another splinter but I'd be crazy to try. And then I've also got to go through and re-read with commenting on things from the perspective of being up-to-date, because dude.
(Yeah, yeah, throw insensitive clods at me. Sorry. Just how I'm thinkin'.)
Hey, it's good to hear things are starting to work out for you again. Take all the time you need to write. Don't let it become another potential source of stress. We can wait.
In the meantime, I am going to relearn how to play the piano. Might bring a rough rendition of Do You Want to Kill Some Changelings to your mailbox in a couple months (this has been on my agenda for some time now).
2518914
It definitely helps to hear things get better out the other side, even this far through the process; thank you. (Actually, bookplayer's similar blog post was an amazing source of comfort — to both my wife and I; I shared it with her — at the time we were discussing separating. We're both working hard to stay friends.)
2519692
No worries. Feel free to drop the questions here or via PM.
And, don't worry; I realize that the next chapter is going to come in with everyone having all the hanging plot threads six months behind them, so I'll try to work in some refreshers. Fortunately, I left off at the end of an arc, so starting anew with some exposition comes at a good time.
2519698
That sounds cool! I'll look forward to whatever comes of it.
2523737
Well, I'd picked up the .epub some time back (btw, you've got some broken nesting in Sombra's scene, remind me to point it out for you), and things in early chapters make sense in a whole new way in light of later events.
Gonna see if the PM jogs my memory.
2524827
Hm. Well, the epub is generated automatically by FIMFic, and there are known issues with that; knighty turned epub formatting off in the latest update (it's just plain text now) and he's working to get it put back into place, so there may have just been a site glitch with the way that was done. If it continues having problems, though, I can review the chapter.
Did get your PM, just going to have to work my way around to it.
2530096
Ah that. I fixed my copy by hand, I remember exactly what the problem was, but I don't quite remember the text. But let me fill in dummy text to show you what I found:
TL;DR this is wrong. Instead of bi/b/i it should go ib/b/i or bi/i/b.
The problem here is that that the bold and italic tags are not in nesting order (which in this case would be <i><b></b></i>). My guess is that you've got bbcode going [b][i]some text[/b]some more text[/i] in your chapter[1][2], and that the (old) fimfic epub/html adapter simply printed them out as equivalent xml/html tags (such as seen above). My guess is that web browsers suck it up and parse such technically-invalid markup in tag closing order [3], but epub readers, or mine at least, insist on being handed strictly-valid xml and barf without closing either tag when handed such a thing.
*knaws lip* I should probably tell knighty that this is a problem, in case there's anything he can do about it. I doubt there is, simple cases like yours might be solvable but I can envision more complex ones that would trick the easy solution.
[1] Oh, what chapter was that... Aegri Somnia Vana, and as it turns out, I remembered the text correctly!
[2] In that case, this is totally your problem, but relatively easy to fix-- just find all the multi-formated sections and check that they're nested correctly. You know there's at least one case of bold+italic, and I've even told you exactly where that is and how to fix it.
[3] which is almost certainly what the author intended
2531318
That's freaking weird. I investigated the bbcode thing. It looks like Scrivener exports them out of parse order; I've submitted a bug report.
In the meantime, I fixed the one in Aegri Somnia Vana by hand. If you find other bold+italic segments, let me know.
2531494 the funny thing is that you say this and thier is still no new chapter