Present Perfect vs. Off the Edge of the Map · 7:36pm Oct 5th, 2014
(The reading this time was presented by Lucero the Pegas--waitaminute it’s Spyman342! The guy who read Anthropology! He’s actually next on the list of channels I’m going to subscribe to, so this is one less to add to the list later I guess! Anyway, he did a great job with the vocal effects and really added a lot of atmosphere to this whole thing. I'm looking forward to hearing more of his newer readings.)
Daetrin's Off the Edge of the Map is a season 1 adventure fic I've heard a lot about, most likely due to being one of Chris's favorites. It's also the only fic I've ever read that can be characterized as "Rainbow Dash fucks up a spell". After performing a new trick involving lightning-saturated clouds, Rainbow Dash accidentally sends herself and Fluttershy into the middle of ocean, far, far from their home.
This is an epic adventure of the grandest sort. They visit ruined cities, they fight for survival against the unknown, there's plenty of excellent scenery, fanciful locales, and interesting monsters. And really, that's all there is to it: if you like adventures, you will like this, end of story.
Far too often in literature reviewing, or reviewing anything at all, one focuses too much on "what wasn't done wrong" and misses "what was done well". In this case, it's how the characters react to their situation and grow with it. This easily could have been "Rainbow Dash protects Fluttershy from monsters and stuff while they journey home", but it isn't. Rainbow Dash ends up needing Fluttershy as much as Fluttershy needs her. While Dash brings the fast-going, the fight-readiness, and strength of spirit to keep Fluttershy moving, Fluttershy has not only her animal communication skills (her talking with whales is one of the greatest things I've ever read) but medical and survivalist skills as well. As to that latter, it was set up perfectly believably that she would be able to survive in the wilderness, and I give the author major credit for that.
The story is divided into three chapters, each of which centers around a particular setting: a creepy island full of ruins, Dragonia, and Equestria proper but not-quite-home-yet. Each is woven together with a theme of remembrance that gives this an emotional side. That said, I can't help but feel an opportunity was lost. Yes, each place is, as I said, marvelously crafted and overall interesting, but, well, spoilers from here on out.
My issue is with the island. They come across this completely deserted island full of ruins and a single spirit that claims to more or less be the genius loci of the place, and they never really find out what happened. Usually ruins in an adventure fic mean learning ancient history, the story of the inhabitants and whatever caused them to disappear. This is the one story that misses out on that, giving us an, "Oh yeah, they were the" at the end. Granted, to say that they didn't have to be at that island for the story to work would be splitting hairs, and the genius loci plays a role in the third chapter, but it still feels like an opportunity missed to really delve into the world-building.
I almost felt the same way about Dragonia, but I eventually came to terms with it. It actually makes perfect sense that the one dragon who prides himself on being a scholar would make his lair above a ruined city. The situation did still bring to mind the admonition to let luck get your characters into trouble, and never out of it (I think that's the attitude I take when looking saying about a story "Well of course they just so happen to..."), but given that they end up serving the dragon's purposes more than he serves theirs, I think the situation ultimately redeems itself.
Then there's chapter three. Hot damn. Intercutting reality and fantasy as the restless ghosts of an abandoned town try to claim our heroes? It was a thing of beauty, and it was masterfully executed. I had enjoyed the story up to that point, but Cantrot is where I really sat up and took notice. It begged the question, "Why wasn't there more really awesome stuff like this sooner?" Maybe it was just the world-building and history-crafting I was looking for, but the whole first section of that chapter stands far above the rest as a really memorable piece of fiction. Then you get the storm later on (again, luck getting the heroes into trouble) so that Dash gets a major test of character, and the whole thing ends sweetly.
If I had any complaint about the writing, it would be the LUS, but I'm going to bracket that with a major caveat: after reading On a Cross and Arrow and seeing the true nadir of what Lavender Unicorn Syndrome can do to a story, I don't think I much care about anything less egregious than that. In this case, all we have are "the blue pegasus" and "the yellow pegasus", and when you've got two characters who are both female, I think that's an acceptable amount of referential divergence. Consistency is the key to making LUS not be irritating, and with these two stories as examples of the spectrum ends, I think I finally understand it fully.
Now by this point, if you've looked at the story or read it before, you might be wondering, "What about that Romance tag?" Honestly, I question its inclusion; all it does is scare off people who aren't into mane cast shipping. The author did the right thing in not starting this off with flustered looks or close-range blushing, but the fact is, there's pretty much no romance to be had. Sure, it's a nice long setup for a fully believable relationship to take off in another story (which, by the way, I will be reading the sequel soon), but unless you're looking for it, you'll blink and miss it. It's almost too subtle, though of course I say that as a shipping fan. Really, characterizing this as a FlutterDash vehicle would be selling it way, way short, and while I appreciate the author's low-key approach to building feelings, I would more have appreciated an epilogue scene where they try to get back to their lives and find something is missing. That said, if you're romance-averse, you can go into this story with no expectations of shipping and not be disappointed.
One last note: I recently criticized a story in my normal reviews for "showing its age". This piece proves, however, that age is not a detriment. (In fact, the only ways it shows are in Equestria not conforming to the official map -- the Everfree Forest is to Ponyville's southeast, not the north -- and in Celestia's sudden appearance in Ponyville at the end, something I feel she hasn't done since Lesson Zero.) There was a lot of really good fic back in season one, and it's entirely possible for it still hold up today. And really, I don't feel like any of my criticism of this story is anything but picking nits.
4.5/5
In the end, this is a really solid adventure fic. That's all that need be said about it.
Yes it is indeed. Daetrin has amazing worldbuilding skills, and its present in all of his(?) stories.
A lot of the issues with OTEOTM can come down to "it was my first time doing serious writing and also I posted things as I came up with them." That was written, what, five years ago at this point? While it may have aged well in terms of canon, I like to think my writing abilities have improved pretty significantly.
Also, frankly, it's hard to hit on something as rich as Cantrot. I think I may have managed it a little bit with Apotheosis, but honestly...it's hard to keep that pitch of awesome! And besides, you need a bit of a lull between bouts of reality-altering insanity.
I have a feeling you won't like Apotheosis as much. It was good at the time but in hindsight the structure is a lot rougher (it does try to do more stuff) and it shines better as a character study than as either adventure or romance.
Really...after OTEOTM, regardless of how the stories are labeled, all my stories have their major strength in the character and theme. The plots are, I'll admit, merely there to serve.
E: Oh, and the Sirrush island. I had never intended to do more with that, because I wanted it to remain a bit of a mystery. Sometimes the world is as it is. Whether that actually works is another thing entirely...
10/10 would Vault again
I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was one of my first fics.
Isn't the sequel about Twilight and Luna? And not Dash/Flutters?
No more shipping probably :V
2509295
Any criticism really comes down to "ways it could be even better". This story is really great as it is. That's not something you can often say about a fanfic.
2509930
I WILL FIND OUT
ALSO HOW DID YOU JUST SUDDENLY COME OUT OF NOWHERE TO COMMENT ON MY JOURNAL :O DO YOU EVEN FICS ANYMORE WHY AM I capslock :B
2509998 When you read Apotheosis, do keep in mind it was written in its entirety prior to Nightmare Night, and I edited in the reference to it later.
2510014
Oh dear. D:
2510069 Sadly Apotheosis still exhibits LUS, but I managed to grow out of that by Triptych.
2509295
Well, I agree. I believe I've read the trilogy that starts with OTEOTM in one sitting, and if memory serves me my comment in the first story said something about the writing feeling a bit clumsy, though the story was still good. By the time I reached the last story the evolution was clear, the writing flowing far better, more confident. Being able to look at a writer's evolution like that was very enjoyable (and inspiring), I must say
2514718
That sounds like a lot of reading. D: And people ask me how I do it.
2515351
<-- A small sampling of the books I've read, and that does not include anything I've read for college or work. Most often in a single sitting each; I tend to not have a bedside book because I usually finish books before I go to sleep, though after I started to work I did start choosing when I begin reading them to avoid getting caught by the sunrise with a book in hand