Just what's going on here anyway? · 2:57pm Oct 1st, 2014
Left completely confused by the Changeling Doll? As it's author, I could be incredibly immature and say that YOU JUST DON'T "GET IT" MAAAAN, but that would incredibly immature. What's more likely is I'm being a bad writer and not using adding mystery to the main hero properly. So what that being, I should probably make a three things clear:
The title's description does not lie. Whenever you're confused about what Stupid really is, just glance it the blurb and take a deep breath.
The title's description does not elaborate either. Changeling got a sneaky idea. For what reason? I mean, no one goes through this much pain for no reason... right?
Take a look at chapter 4 over the halfway point. When Scoots shows up. See what she calls Stupid. Then look at the name in the end of the letter from Chapter 5.
It's a sign of a bad writer I have to make this blog to explain things, and I might redo (for the fourth time) chapter 5 now that I've gotten feedback and realized it's still not quite the chapter I wanted. Either way, I hope you guys got some enjoyment out of it even if it wasn't what you were all looking for.
Stupid got hurt a lot, and he's gonna get hurt a lot more. Should I add a dark tag?
OHHHHH I GET IT He has a really good Pok-* Gets tackled by stupid doll* Hello! Let's be Best Friends!
Quoth the FAQ:
I'd say no
Depends, it might need to be mature, not yet tho... Will the following violence be more gory that this tho? If so, it might need thy dark tag, or if you mention death more... (Just my opinion)
Honestly it was painfully obvious to me duno about the rest of the readers but i actualy took some time and red the description before i dowe in to the story and come on White Lie, Quick Wit
can't get more obvious than that .
even Poker face
So, Stupid = Poker Face. I figured that letter was a fake. Poker Face, White Lie, and Quick Wit sounded like some great names for Changelings.
Changeling Doll!
Coming to a store near you!
Complexity is a tough thing to deal with in a story.
Some people will take the effort and figure it out, and life is good.
Other people, not so much. For some people, if brains were dynamite, they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose.
And then words like "bad writer" get thrown about.
Which is always unpleasant to be sure. Keep writing. The story has some complexity, but that is fine.
Eh.
That chapter was still a mess.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I personally enjoyed it.
I think it's fine, both the chapter content and the current tags. As long as the injuries keep being easily healable there's no real permanent damage done, and it's all in the service of humor.
Well, this happens. Personally I think that the confusion is something that is to be natural when you can't see the things that are happening, so that isn't considered a problem to me. What is considered a problem is the sudden shift from 100% comedy all the time to 50% comedy, 50% adding slightly serious mystery bits. (imagine what would have happened if we had left the bigger mystery holes. O_o) (Not to mention the fact that, even when writing mystery novels, you must pander to the lowest common denominator, and assume that noone will understand unless it's explained to them. I know that sounds mean, but I thought the clues were more than obvious.)
When you rewrote this chapter, you became very serious about it, and I don't think that is a bad thing. The chapter turned out great, but what most of the readers of this story are expecting is a constant stream of slapstick, gags, and Stupid just all around causing trouble for fun. That unexpected turn, however well done, will sadly disappoint a few readers, whether consciously or subconsciously.
But it happens.
Your not a bad writer, you've just got the inconsistency of silliness and seriousness to juggle in a very fast paced story, and that's difficult for anyone to get right.
So yeah, don't feel you did bad. You did way way way better than most authors would do with that kind of story direction.
You done good, Pickleless. You done good.
If Stupid wrote the letter and was lying, why would he write that? Is the idea that when he explains to Twilight that he faked the letter and he's really a regular changeling, she'll be relieved because living with a soulless being that lives on her soul is starting to look like the less scary option?
I'm not sure the letter was a lie. It never said that Poker Face wasn't one of the changelings involved. The title description never says that the changeling isn't mind-controlled and undead.
I'm confused as to why there's only three changeling dolls when there's four princesses.
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Because nobody like Cadence.
A dark tag... Mite work... I dont mind it I mean its not that bad... But It could not hurt....
It's like EDM artists who don't listen to their own songs, when you read your own work it always seems slightly off (nearly always) but I didn't notice any issues in quality in the slightest.
Stop hurting, make the story.
If that Dark segment was just a onetime thing, then I don't think it deserves it.
Sure, he's cut his hoof off multiple times, but it's not as though you went into the gory detail about how painful it was, or how Twilight could see the texture of the changeling's muscles underneath the chitin and skin as blood poured out of the damaged limb.
I think you should add it if it becomes a reoccurring theme, or if you feel as though Comedy with Gore tag isn't enough to satisfy the dark comedy that's surfaced a few times within the fic.
And I actually understood what was going on in the chapter, which is surprising, especially considering that I was just expecting straight goofiness from this chapter. So at least you got some of your audience to understand.
I'm actually starting to think that Stupid is actually mind-controlled. It might be self-inflicted due to cover-story-related reprogramming, but you see, he's the viewpoint character quite often. The points told from his point of view are points at which he isn't in a position to lie unless he lies incessantly to himself. (This is possible by mind-control or mental illness.) What the viewer sees of him at points when he's not in a position to lie implies that if his mask isn't based on his essential nature, it's certainly bleeding into it.
Thinking that it's a good day to die until you remember that you were ordered not to is the thoughts of a mind-controlled and/or golem changeling rather than the thoughts of a free-living and self-directed one. In editing to reduce confusion, I would mark that bit specifically as a priority.
Oh, and you probably should add a dark tag either way. Changeling Doll relies on being bloody humorous. The story's theming is also highly cynical. Everyone lies, nibbling on souls is okay if you leave enough that it'll grow back, unreasoning prejudice is universal, and the romantic hero is gaslighting his paramour. "Dark romantic comedy" describes the story well.
THREE DOLLS!?!?!?!?!?!?! OH GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that you mention it I actually remember seeing that part.
No rewrite, yes dark.
You left plenty of explanation and context for the diligent to notice these things, but DAMN he gets brutalized!
I don't think I would add the dark tag, but I would call it a dark comedy in the blurb.
I like your story. It's a crack fic, but it keeps me engaged.
The abuse heaped on Stupid hasn't been funny, slapstick violence. It's been pretty brutal. I'd say the story is overdue for a dark tag.
I'd say against dark tag.
For reasons.
1. Dark is when someone or something gets injured permanently.
Ex. Doll cuts his hoof off and Twilight has to deal with 3 hooves changeling. And she actually examines the composition of his skin layers and etc while looking at the chopped off hoof in shock. Taking in Every detail.
As 2499631 said.
Ex. Pinkie Pie tried to get into his brain. She is now mentally scarred for the rest of her life and needs to be in hospital for serious mental repairs. Yes, she will be better. Yes, she will still be puffy self, but for ever and ever there will be doubt. There will be nightmares while she's awake. There will be constant changeling hallucinations at the edge of her vision always waiting to pounce her. Every action, every prank is a doing of a changeling that wants to hurt her and she is alone in the world.
And with years she would go deeper and deeper in her dementia (not sure if word is right) slowly succumbing to the madness. Eventually she would have nightmares that would last weeks and even Princess Luna would had trouble calming her.
THAT is dark. That is horrible.
But what did happen? Okay, the Doll got gutted, but he has godlike healing abilities while he is loved. Which means, you could take him apart and put back together without killing him and it'd be okay. Why? Because it hurts, but if you hit yourself with a hammer it hurts too.
Most important: the pain is not permanent. And pain only indicates that something is still broken.
When fixed completely, there is no pain.
Can't come up with more dark right now. Hope you have comparison.
Or, another thing, a dark deity gets hold of Pinkie's mind while she is in that state and her friends injure her greatly while fighting said deity.
This story didn't need a dark tag earlier, but I think may need one now. As for any rewrites, I think it would be enough to extend the bit of name that Scoots lets slip. Make it "Pok-" or maybe even "Poke-" That single connection between his true name as uttered by the crusader and the name at the end of the letter is all it takes for the reader to know what's up. The fact that you wrote this post tells me that the reader should know this information at this point. That Changeling is Poker Face and is continuing the ruse. If the audience should realize this at this point, reveal more of the name. If not, make no changes and delete this blog post.
I'm so glad I chose to reread part of chapter 4 before reading chapter 5 initially. It made the whole "confused as heck" experience a lot less intense. That last reread of chapter 4 made me notice that Scootaloo started to call "Stupid Doll" by some other name. It looks like you need more hinting at who Stupid Doll really is. Maybe emphasize the parts where one of the CMC almost say the wrong name. The two instances I know of (I just noticed, as I was composing this comment, that there was also one in the middle of chapter 3) are too subtle, in my opinion.
To further make the chapter less confusing should you choose to rewrite it, maybe make it clear sooner what happened to Pinkie Pie's head. I would make "Stupid" mention error code 137 (also make sure to edit the official listing of error codes that are in the manual that Twilight reads in chapter 3) sometime before he ends up approaching Pinkie Pie to fix the error. That way people aren't left wondering, as I was, if this story was going to take an extremely dark turn...
Speaking of dark turns, did you really have to make the cupcakes reference? It's cliché, IMHO. Pinkie Pie can still go crazy from brain scrambling, just as she did, but I would much rather see a reference to the episode Party of One. Pinkie Pie could revive her old friends, the party-going household objects, and Stupid could get hurt because he tries to approach her to fix her mind. And just as before, when Twilight shows up (after asking where Stupid was and finding he was in Pinkie Pie's room), she expresses pity and sorrow for not believing Stupid on his "true" identity and gives him permission to initiate self repair. And the chapter proceeds as in the current version.
You're a brilliant writer, Pickleless. You just underestimated how hard it is for someone that doesn't know the whole plot line to follow along. Unlike you, we weren't expecting the letter to verify the (apparently false, after all) identity of the changeling doll, so we weren't looking for the hints as to how to reconcile this with the description that we (or at least, most of us) already paid very close attention to.
Would you like an extra pre-reader to help you prevent this sort of thing on this story? I could read your pre-proofing draft, at least for this story.
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On the dark tag note. I think I'll keep it as it is and add it when I write something...well. Let's just say one of the original lines in that chapter would've earned a Dark tag no doubt. Probably didn't help that I was listening to this as I was rewriting it for the fourth time. Showed up on shuffle and didn't feel the need to change it. Great song for when you're walking through town alone at night.
I'm off to work on the Loser Booth, and if all goes well (It probably won't) the next chapter of the changeling doll.
See ya.
2501067 I definitely agree with you. There's no permanent damage, and certainly nothing that would ruin somebrony's positive image of a canon character (which would be the most extreme type of dark fanfiction, by my definition). This would be your second example. It's terrible. It's dark.
2503303 I disagree on at least your first point and I'm not sure about the second.
I don't really feel it needs a dark tag. There's no real evil here (unless the changeling counts, but so far it doesn't) and any damage done that would make it dark, were it permanent, is not permanent.
As I made clear in my first comment, I feel there is more wrong with this chapter than just the confusion about the identity of the changeling. That is also a doll. That is a changeling doll. But really just a changeling pretending to be a changeling doll.
2503980 can't you say what the line is? This blog post is sort of a meta-thing. Any line said here is not Canon until/unless you add it. As such, I feel you should say what the line is so the reason that you were considering a dark tag is understood.
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I think it went like...
"Pinkie pushed the saw into his chitin, spraying green blood all over her face."
May have been more detail than that. Still, I took out the detail of blood getting everywhere in the story. The reason it was there in the first place was so Stupid could internally comment on how green is a good color for Pinkie.
just want to say i love this story, and want it to go on forever.
please wright more awesomeness in the future
and i am slightly confused
like wft
but that's besides the point im making.