Spoiler Alert: nightcrawlerfan's Birthday Review, Part 4 · 3:55am Sep 29th, 2014
: Once Hammond, Waller, an' Hammond's papa reach the military base, they try ta remove Parallax. Howe'er, they still don't seem ta realize just how dangerous a situation they're in, so they do so wit'out decontamination suits, an' keep the guards outside the room. Unsurprisingly, Hector breaks loose an' telekinetically smacks 'is daddy an' Waller aroun' a little. Man, that broad just don't get no respect in these reviews, does she?
: But then, Green Lantern shows up, and....dear Celestia, was that an arc reactor sound effect? You guys can't even try to sell this character on his own merits, can you? Anyway, he and Hector fight, daddy Hammond dies, and Hector continues to scream like a filly. Oh, and Hector finds out Hal's identity, which is SUCH a shock because the mask protected it SO well, and Hal realizes that Earth is Parallax's last target before reaching Earth.
: Hmm, maybe if we're going to keep accusing this film of unoriginality, we should probably stop stealing other people's jokes. Anyway, Carol gives Hal a generic pep talk and he flies back to Oa....passing what seems to be a Green Lantern graveyard, for....some reason. He tells them to not be stupid and make yellow fear rings and instead let him try to defeat Parallax on his own, since they're worried about losing too many Green Lanterns. They agree, though they seem pretty sure he's going to die trying. And I gotta agree; he had five minutes of training and hasn't won a fight against any actual threat. There's no way he's going to beat a creature that killed off a squadron of proven veterans.
: Green Lantern goes back to confront Hammond, only now Hammond has Carol hostage. Yes, you probably should have anticipated that one, Hal. He knows your secret identity and you both clearly like her, so what'd you expect would happen if you just up and left? He threatens to give her his big-headed superpowers, claiming that Hal wouldn't be interested in her if she was so unattractive. Hal noticeably avoids answering that accusation and offers Hammond his ring in exchange for letting Carol go. Hammond agrees, but Hal still has control of the ring even when he's not wearing it, and is able to defeat Hammond.
: But then a disappointed Parallax shows up an' absorbs Hammond's soul, leavin' us one more girlish screech fer us ta remember this dignified threat with. Despite the fact that he just showed that he didn't need ta wear the ring ta use it, Hal scrambles ta pick his ring back up, allowin' Parallax ta start killin' him. Carol activates one'a the drones, usin' it's missiles ta ward off Parallax. That's right, the bein' that could survive several 'a the greatest weapons i' the universe firin' at 'im at once just got driven off by a single Earthling fighter craft. .....ah can't do this justice. Doctor?
: Thank you, sir. Parallax attacks Coast City and Hal goes on the counterattack. And he does SURPRISINGLY well against him. Some might even say unrealistically well. Yes, you could argue that Hal's a bit of a prodigy, and the comics would definetly back you up on that. But since movie Hal has shown no real skill yet, when he makes headway against a monster that didn't even flinch when a hand-picked squad of Green Lanterns attacked him en masse, his victory isn't thrilling, it's bewildering.
: Still, even this version of Hal Jordon isn't a complete Jerk Sue. He realizes that he can't outmuscle Parallax and tricks Parallax into getting trapped by the sun's gravity and burnt to a crisp. Wow, it was that easy to beat him? Why didn't the Guardians ever try that? However, Hal almost gets caught as well until Sinestro, Kilowog, and Tomar-Re arrive to pull him away. Apparently they must have just been floating there eating popcorn while the rookie tried to survive the greatest threat the universe had ever seen. Jerks.
The film ends with the Green Lanterns celebrating that someone did all the work for them, and Carol making out with Hal. Though she asks him to take off the mask first. I get that; even I couldn't kiss a colt that looked that ridiculous! Oh, and there's an after-credits scene with Sinestro putting on a Yellow Lantern ring. Ah, how cute! They thought there was going to be a sequel!
: In conclusion, this film is not the worst we've ever seen. There are talented actors and artists involved, and it gets the gist of the Green Lantern story without blatantly misinterpreting the basic points of the franchise. Still, it only avoids the absolute worst bracket by a slim margin. The script has more holes than Camp Green Lake, the villains are among the least intimidating in superhero history, and almost every plot element and character has been simplified down to their absolute least interesting archtypes. And when a character actually does manage to have a personality, it's usually an unlikeable one. And there's enough exposition to kill a water buffalo!
But the worst thing about this film isn't even the film itself, but how it impacted DC Comics films in general. After this film barely managed to break even, DC was discouraged from making any films that aren't about Superman or Batman, despite the fact that focusing too much on those two characters is one of the primary complaints people have with their movie division. They also became convinced that the public didn't want lighthearted superhero films, even though "Captain America" and "Thor," lighthearted superhero films in their own right, both came out that summer and did very well. The problem with this film is not that it's too lighthearted, it's that it has no originality, no intelligence, and little talent. In fact, it's largely this emphasis on demographics over quality that doomed this film and marred most DC films since. If this film had been more willing to be good instead of just giving people what they've already enjoyed, it might have actually worked. And unless DC learns to stop trying to make their films popular and start making them intelligent and entertaining, we're going to keep getting films like this and like Man of Steel, which, though much better than Green Lantern, shares many of its flaws.
: ....and on THAT really long note, we'd also like to say that, if there's any Green Lantern fans out there who want to watch a GOOD GL movie, or anyone unfamiliar with the character who'd like a good introduction to him, you should watch Green Lantern: First Flight. It's a DC Universe Animated Original Movie, and it's fantastic. The cast is much more interesting, the tone much closer to the comics, and the plot much more coherent. It's also among the most exciting animated action films you're likely to ever run across. Check it out!
: Thank you to everyone who wished nightcrawlerfan a happy birthday, anyone who suggested something for us to review, and for reading and commenting on these reviews. You guys rock, and we hope to be worthy of your continued attention.
: Enough with the formalities; it's party time!!
Yeah....... And ANOTHER problem with Sinestro. He puts the ring on why? I mean the main reason he wanted it in this movie was to beat Parallax...... That's been done. What did he already make it and decide
"Eh, what the heck?"
At anyway, enjoy MY GL tribute!
Fun fact: They approached Quentin Tarantino to direct the film in the early stages.
What i would have given to see that movie.
2492463 Because they wanted a sequel hook. And it works about as well as the Super Mario Bros. movie's sequel hook.
And I need to take a better look at your YouTube channel. I've already subscribed to it, but I've never taken a good look at all of the videos.
2492575 In all fairness, Martin Campbell is no slouch himself. I imagine behind-the-scenes studio manipulation led to a lot of the film's problems. The artificial, bare bones feel to it all just reeks of corporate meddling.
2492617 Here's two I'm particularly proud of
(Note: The Superman one was made when my opinion of his New 52 look was still kinda mixed)
Dude, where'd you find that GL song? It gave me chills.
2494156 I was fiddling around YouTube when I ran into it. Look for a channel called Kirby Krackle; they do a lot of nerdy songs, but the GL one's my favorite so far.
2493527 What's the third Spider-Man song? I don't recognize it.
And it was easier to deal with Superman back in the earlier days of the New 52. We had Grant Morrison's run on Action Comics to keep us entertained.
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2495080 Vindicated. It too, along with Ordinary, was from the Spider-Man 2 soundtrack.
Yeah....... Can I just say I would be MORE than fine if the t-shirt and jeans look was Superman's permanent costume in the New 52?
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MAYBE make it into a long sleeved shirt, but still. To me this seems like something Clark WOULD wear. I mean Clark, to me, would not go for armor as a regular costume choice. It's too intimidating for him. If he had his choice between the armor and the t-shirt and jeans? He'd take the t-shirt and jeans.
On the note of Action Comics........ I'll say this I like the idea of having Superman go back to his original vigilante roots. To me a vigilante Superman ONLY works when he's NOT the planet buster we all know him as. Can throw tanks around easily, durable but not 100% invulnerable, etc, but nothing higher than that.
2495110 Yeah, I don't like him having to make that choice, but if he had to, I'd probably go with the jeans look, too.