Spoiler Alert: nightcrawlerfan's Birthday Review, Part 2 · 3:52am Sep 29th, 2014
: She's angry at him for being late for a demonstration dog fight against Ferris' newest drone planes. It's a really important test to show visiting government representatives why they should buy the drones. So what does Hal do? He breaks the rules of engagement, which a test pilot is hired not to do, in order to show a major flaw in the drones. If he had done that during the testing phases, it would've been useful. Now it just loses the company a major contract, forcing them to lay off hundreds of workers. Oh, and he crashes the plane in the process, burning up even more money and more innocent peoples' jobs. If you hadn't realized that Hal's a jerk yet, don't worry, it'll sink in eventually.
: Hal also has a fl-flashback to his father's d-d-death in an a-airplane ac-accident. A-and while I know this must've been r-really h-h-horrible for him, in a superhero movie, i-it's just a bit cl-cl-cliche'.
: Carol is, of course, furious at how badly Hal mishandled the demo, but also refuses to let her father fire him. Oh, just make out with him already, we all know you want to!
After not getting fired, Hal heads to his nephew's birthday party....and parks in front of someone's driveway. Remember, Hal's a jerk.
We get to see him express some, what do you call them, emotions with his brothers being worried about his recklessness and his nephew thinking he's an awesome uncle, but we won't see these characters again so it's not important.
: After less'n five minutes, Hal leaves 'is favorite nephew's birthday party, only ta git abducted by Abin Sur's ring....an' then it's nighttime. What?
Despite bein' an ex-Air Force pilot, Hal doesn't try ta perform CPR on the creature in fronta him, despite clearly realizin' that he's DYIN'. Abin gives 'im the ring, but then, HOURS aftah the space craft crashed outside one'a the largest military an' aeronautics cities in the country, the military FINALLY shows up! But despite clearly leavin' evidence behind 'a his presence an' easily bein' in range 'a the army copters' spotlights an' guns, Hal gets away scot free.: We then meet Hector Hammond, who, despite being a nerd with father issues, is contractually obligated to be the villain while we're expected to root for the handsome and reckless but untouchable test pilot. The military have selected him to do the initial autopsy on Abin Sur's body....with no assistants or guards. Heck, the only other person in the room is Dr. Amanda Waller. Wait, Doctor? She's a black ops supervisor, not a scientist! And when did she lose so much weight?
: ....oh, right. Regardless, because no one thought that a procedure this important should be closely monitored and isolated, Hammond is infected by globs of Parallax goop hiding in Abin's body. And is allowed to leave the military base without being scanned for changes or, as far as I can tell, even decontaminated. The U.S. Government is REALLY dropping the ball in this film.
: Back to Hal, who, being confused, decides to visit a bar with Carol. She CLEARLY wants him to go home with her, but he's too busy being angsty about how his father died and how he can't get his perfect little life together, so he just kind of leaves. Only to run into some of the workers he caused to get laid off. Who proceed to quite rightly beat him up. But then, after they already decided to stop and leave him alone, Hal uses the ring, for the first time in the film, to blast them through a wall, possibly killing them. Our hero, ladies and gentlecolts!
: The ring then begins to make the crackle of lightning. Why? Because will is powered by electricity, silly head! It then causes Hal to flllly through space, reaching the planet Oa at the center of the universe in a matter of seconds. Which only further proves that Abin didn't need that spaceship!
: We then get some fan service of Ryan Reynolds' half-naked body as his suit is put on. The costume....is hit and miss. The glowing effects and organic design are very intriguing, but the wishy washy colors and that....poor mask rather ruin it. Particularly when Hal deactivates the glow and the costume looks like it is made of rubber. Also, why does the costume come with a mask? Hal's practically the only one who bothers to wear a mask, so this should not be described as a a standard feature of the uniform. Which is exactly how the film describes it. We then meet Tomar-Re, who's Captain Barbossa voicing a bird...fish...alien...thing. The biology of this Green Lantern is original, if a bit off-putting. He's here to teach Hal to fly, which, as the most dangerous skill a Green Lantern must learn, is apparently taught before more basic things like shooting energy or creating energy constructs. He's also here to give....
: As they fly above Oa, we see that it is the same sort of vague, unremarkable alien city that you've probably seen before. They go to a big Green Lantern meeting, where we meet Sinestro. Why yes, in the comics, he does eventually become Hal's greatest enemy. How'd you guess? At the moment, however, he's one of the greatest Green Lanterns, and is planning to take a squad of Lanterns to defeat Parallax. This might be news to you, readers, but they had already explained this in the film. We just didn't tell you because those scenes were clunky in relation to the flow of the plot.
Too be fair, they DID say the mask appears when his identity needs to be protected. On Oa, it doesn't so........ Yeah not the BEST reasoning behind why no one else is wearing a mask on Oa, but still.
2492415 I guess, but then you have to ask why they'd need a mask in the first place. Most species would consider being a Green Lantern to be a great honor, and would probably come with enough perks to afford protection for your friends and loved ones. Most Green Lanterns don't have a reason to hide their identity in the first place; in fact, having an open identity would make working with local law enforcement easier. Guy Gardner and John Stewart have already shown that GLs don't necessarily need secret identities.
2492424 Yeah... Hal and Kyle REALLY are the odd ones out aren't they? Heck they even mock the mask idea in GLTAS. Hal DOES bring up a good point of privacy in that argument, ESPECIALLY in modern day, but still.
2492425 Them and Simon, yeah. I can understand making the personal decision to hide your identity, particularly on the DC Earth, but it's not something I'd want as standard issue for my intergalactic police force. Particularly considering not all GLs necessarily come from species that rely on sight. Ch'p, for example, could probably be identified by other members of his species by his scent.
Personally, I've always thought the blinding glow of a GL uniform and aura would be far better protection against visual identification, anyway.
Fun fact: Amanda Waller is played by Angela Basset, who played Tina Turner in What's Love Got to Do with It? and was nominated for Best Actress.
So basically this is what happens when Deadpool and Tina Turner make a movie together.
Also, if the flaw with the drones was so major, why didn't someone spot it during the design phase?
Oh yeah, Ryan Reynolds is going to be Deadpool....bathe in the horror
2492480 Yeah, I had heard people who were rather disappointed to see this actress in such a small role in such a bad film, so I'd already guessed that she was probably pretty good.
Let me explain about those drones. The design flaw was that they froze up at a certain altitude. Which, yes, should sound VERY familiar. So Hal flew up to top altitude, causing both him and the drones to stall and giving him the perfect position to shoot them down. So it's a design flaw that would require you to know the specific specs of these top secret planes and be willing to potentially kill yourself to exploit. Quite frankly, not only is the design flaw a fairly standard one, but only a mad man would consider testing for it!
And I'm not too worried; it's not his fault this film bombed. I tend to judge films more by writing than by acting, anyway. If they can write a coherent narrative with intelligent humor and use Deadpool's fully developed personality instead of just his facade, I'll probably be content.