Spoiler Alert: nightcrawlerfan's Birthday Review, Part 1 · 3:51am Sep 29th, 2014
: Hi there! So this last Thursday, September 25th, was Dr. Yes' birthday! You probably know him as nightcrawlerfan. So I threw him a surprise party!! But he missed it; he was too busy working! Who WORKS on their birthday, amiright? So, anyway, we decided we'd have to make it up to him with review! But not just any review. A special BIRTHDAY review!!
: Thank you, Pinkie, for hijacking my introduction.: No problem, Twilight!
: Oy vey. Moving on, we really wanted to make this review special. We considered maybe watching the Day of the Doctor, which got a lot of attention lately and is part of a franchise we haven't cast our critical eye towards yet. We also considered rewatching the Avengers, since we've already watched it a couple times but never subjected it to critical analysis. But, in the end, we decided the best option was to review a bad film of legendary reputation. A film that ruined the plans of an entire mega-franchise and impacts the nature of the Hollywood landscape even several years later. Ladies and Gentlestallions, fillies and colts, Spoiler Alert presents: Green Lantern!
: And to start this mess off, we get....
: To save you some time, here's the ClifsNotes version. Blue space geezers called the Guardians of the Universe created rings that are powered by willpower. These rings were scattered throughout the universe to make the heroic Green Lantern Corps. But there was an eeeeevil manifestation of fear named Parallax who could only be defeated by the greatest Green Lantern, Abin Sur.
: Parallax's trapped on a remote planet, but some alien spacemen crash on the planet an' git their souls sapped by Parallax, freein' 'im. That's right, the only thing stoppin' a universal threat from escapin' was a rock wall. No quards, no defenses, no nothin'. 'Yall better prepare yerselves, 'cause this level 'a intelligence an' competence is common throughout the whole flick.
We then cut ta Abin Sur, who's travelin' inna space ship.
................
Uh, Twi, can't Green Lanterns fly in space? Ya know, on their lonesome?
: Ugh, yes, yes they can. It wouldn't be the first time a Green Lantern flew a space ship anyway, but usually there's a reason why. But there is never an explanation as to why Abin, the most powerful Green Lantern, is slowing himself down like this just now.
: Or why he and his CG ship are less visually convincing than a video game. His ship then gets attacked by Parallax, and despite being the one being in the universe who was apparently capable of defeating this hooligan, Abin is completely ineffective against him. Which must be really embarrassing when your opponent looks like a giant dust bunny. If I recall correctly, his comic book version looked like a giant yellow space bug, and even THAT was more intimidating!
: Realizing that his injuries are going to kill him, Abin Sur ejects in an escape pod to head to the nearest inhabited planet and find a successor for his ring. Um, why? The ring can find a bearer for itself, and can go across the galaxy to do so. Let it find a successor AFTER you've died; you could still try to wear Parallax down or fly home to say good-bye to your family! What the heck, man?!: We then meet our hero, Hal Jordon, in the morning after, um, a one night engagement. He tells the...fine lady in his bed to help herself to tap water while he's out. How could he possibly afford such an upscale apartment yet have no drinks in his refrigerator? Regardless, he speeds around in his automobile while trying to wrap a present, almost getting killed in the progress. It's odd, because the party he bought the present for won't be until after his work day, so he just risked his life for no apparent reason. Once he gets to his job as a test pilot at Ferris Aircraft in Coast City, we meet Carol Ferris, boringly predictable superhero love interest and professional tsundere.
My main problem is that Parallax is essentially Krona. He REALLY is.
2492403 Eh, that's hardly this film's worst crime. Combining characters, while sometimes a bit of a wasted opportunity, can be a good idea to put multiple good ideas into a smaller narrative space. And technically, the way they do it here would make sense with the logic of the comics. Since Parallax is a possessive force, this Parallax could've just possessed Krona. It's a needless complication in a film that already has too many concepts to understand and remember, but I can certainly understand and tolerate that particular decision.
2492413 Fair enough, let me take that back. My MAIN problem is using Parallax at all!! I mean..... Parallax?! The same thing that caused Hal to WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE CORPS?!?! Is wasted on the first movie.......... Really?!
2492423 While not my MAIN problem, that is, yes, a huge failing. If this film was good enough for me to actually think about it in the context of a larger GL series, I probably would've mentioned that too.
2492437 The thing is they WANTED to make more movies off this, and just wasted a GOOD villain right out of the gate!
2492439 No, you're right. It just didn't feel right to put it in the review. Particularly because this is possibly my longest to date. Still, at least they were smart enough to hold off on Sinestro.
So do you think Hector Hammond should have had the film to himself, or should Kronos have?
2492453 Honestly? If Hector was on the level he is in the COMICS, yes I think he could have pulled it by himself. I mean they SAY the ring is uber-powerful, but we never SEE that power. It's just quick simple constructs here and there and energy blasts. I wanna see some MAJOR ring slinging!
2492461 Yeah, I'm not a huge Hammond fan, but it could've worked. Though, frankly, I'd prefer Kronos so we could spend the film in space, which is one of the real appeals of GL as opposed to most other superhero films.
2492466 Eh either way. I mean if you wanna have an Earth based GL villain? Stick with him and make him threatening! If you want a SPACE based villain? Make him threatening. I just ask for ONE or the other to be done well.
So that's what happened to Galactus after Rise of the Silver Surfer
In other news, I have to get up off my ass and actually watch that movie
2492473 Yeah, hopefully after those two films, Hollywood will realize that giant clouds aren't terribly intimidating.
And which one, FF2 or GL?
2492478 Did you know that the Green Lantern movie was supposed to be the start of the DC Cinematic Universe?
2492502 And had the film been good, I would've welcomed the DC Cinematic Universe being started by a hero who had yet to prove themselves in cinema, as it actually would have been an unusual step forward for DC movies. Man of Steel also probably would've had a different philosophy behind it and I probably would've enjoyed it more.
2492510 What up coming superhero movies are you looking forward to?
2492519 Big Hero 6, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Avengers 2, Ant-Man, and X-Men Apocalypse come to mind. Probably Captain America 3, too. Maybe the Fantastic Four reboot.
2492526 I'm looking forward to Doctor Strange and Ant-Man on screen.
2492535 Doctor Strange will definitely be interesting. Particularly if it does better than his animated film.
2492541 It's going to be a horror film witch I was surprised by.
2492554 I've heard that rumor, but this is what Kevin Feige had to say:
2492565 Good point but how else would you make Doctor Strange?
2492571 Probably fantasy adventure. I imagine it'll be fairly similar to the Harry Potter films, since they're kind of the go-to template for sorcerer movies these days.
2492478 both I suppose
2492585 Between the two, I'd recommend FF2. As a kid, I could watch that film and enjoy myself. While it is known as a stupid movie, a lot of people can still enjoy how over the top it is. As bad as Green Lantern is, it's real crime is just being astoundingly generic and predictable.
2492577 I guess.
2492596 Hmm. Well, if it was your choice, what genre would you want it to be?
2492603 Lord of the rings/the Hobbit.
2492610 That would be interesting, though that would imply a film that barely touched upon his Earthly origin. Also, given the content of Dr. Strange's world in comparison to LotR, it would probably require a lot more CG.
2492628 Have you seen the Guardians of the Galaxy?
2492632 Oh, yeah. Did a review of it.
2492636 So they can do a movie with a lot of CG and make it great.
2492641 Eh, true. For my personal taste, though, I always prefer a practical effects backbone in a movie. CG is useful, but its limitations should be recognized going in.
2492728 I guess your right.
2492745 Still, it's not a deal breaker. I can enjoy a film with too much CG; it just gets a little distracting.
2492470 And that is really the final point. Even if I ended up disagreeing with their decision, one good villain that I'm not personally a fan of still works better than two loosely related villains who can't intimidate us.
2492749 Was Guardians of the Galaxy distracting?
2492753 Nah. But that's because A) it was good CG and B) it was appropriate to the subject matter. As a means of comparison, Green Lantern was distracting because it was too much CG and it was bad CG. Or with the Hobbit, they had good CG but it felt out of place in a comparatively grounded fantasy.
Besides GotG, another CG heavy film that made it work was Avatar. I have mixed feelings about that film, but you can't fault the CG.
2492762 I feel the same way about those movies.
Everyone is out there having intelligent conversations about movies and comic book characters
And I'm just sitting here giggling at the snarky remarks made in the process.
2494058 Hey, I make no complaints about people enjoying my snark.