Andy, The Friendly Zombie · 5:42pm Aug 14th, 2014
I had a dream last night.
The setting is a pocketed field, overgrown with browned vegetation. For some reason there’s wild pumpkins growing everywhere and there’s a light, misty fog. The field is on a sharply rising hill, on top of which is a large mansion currently hosting an extravagant birthday party for the governor. At the bottom of this hill is a small dirt road, and from there enters our protagonist: Andy, the friendly zombie, and he’s wearing a tuxedo.
He spends about five minutes walking uphill and knocks on the sliding glass door to the back. Neon colors flash at him from inside. A partygoer drunk out of their mind opens the door to let him in, and he joins in on the basement dancefloor. He quickly steals the show with some spectacular dance moves that defy all sensibilities.
A gorilla who’d previously been the center of attention doesn’t like this, and challenges Andy to a dance off. Long story short, thumping one’s chest repeatedly is a pretty shitty dance move, and the gorilla loses by a landslide. Pissed, the gorilla bites the only attractive female at the party, and she turns into a zombie. Now, unlike Andy, she isn’t friendly.
It isn’t long before the infection spreads. A quarantine is quickly put out on the basement and the governor along with all uninfected escape to the upper floors. For some reason, I’m there, and I distinctly recall myself being a chimpanzee. The gorilla slaps me for rejecting his advances and I make a hasty escape towards the elevator, sneaking on board with the last of the escapees. I monkey my way up the bars since this elevator is for some reason a cage hoisted by a single chain, and I escape out the top, appearing at the main entryway of the mansion.
I look up at the railing to the second floor, and much to my dismay, it’s guarded by some pretty heavily armed soldiers all wielding M60s or .50caliber rifles. They look to be straight out of the movie Men In Black, and behind them the party goes on unhindered. I’m upset, because I’m a chimpanzee, and I came here to party.
The rest of the elevator arrives and everyone else is thoroughly confused. A short man appears at the railing above, holding a martini in one hand and gold pocketwatch in the other, and who else can it be but Governor Gary Coleman.
He quickly tells us we’re not allowed on the second floor. Some seem to think it’s because of the quarantine, but I know it’s because he wants to keep all the doritos to himself. I do little more than shake my fist and cry.
Everyone sort of meanders down here. People are slouching against the walls. The kitchen is right of there, but there’s nothing to eat. I look amongst the group and see Andy made it out of the basement, so I go over to say hello. Imagine my fright when I realize it isn’t Andy, but a regular zombie wearing an Andy mask.
I barely escape, but everyone else isn’t so lucky. They all turn into zombies faster than Rand Paul leaves a table, and I’m hanging onto the light fixtures above. One of the guards identifies one of the newly infected as his girlfriend, and not being able to live without her, he throws himself into the fray to join them.
But the director doesn’t like this turn of events so everything rewinds by a minute or two. Now the zombies are all climbing onto each other, making a big fleshy mountain as they try and get access to the second floor. Curiously, zombies are incapable of taking the stairs.
The same guard identifies his infected girlfriend, and she’s on top of this big moaning, bloody orgy. In his distraught and broken mind, he grabs her and lifts her up, hugging her, only to get his jugular ripped out. The other guards panic, dropping their guns and they start running around in circles. Their improv dance routine earns them the title of the best dancers on the planet.
However, no amount of dancing will save them—or the other partygoers—from the newly unleashed hoard. In a matter of minutes, everyone at the party is a zombie, and I’m stuck here swinging from this light.
I look down and see Andy waving up at me. He isn’t being attacked because he’s also a zombie. He removes his own head, offering me a spot to ride on. I happily swing onto his bloody stump, and we take the elevator down to the basement and leave the party. Andy closes the sliding glass door, and we relish in the thought we just saved the world from a zombie apocalypse, because all the zombies are trapped inside the mansion.
I find a “Do not open” sign and paste it on the glass. We then walk downhill. I find a pumpkin with a smiley face on it and offer it to Andy to replace the head he so selflessly sacrificed for me. He kindly refuses, claiming to have a backup at home.
But our nightmare isn’t over yet. We make it to the road and look right, and a wild elephant charges us out of the fog. We turn the other direction and run towards the cars we didn’t arrive in. I have my white SUV and Andy has a red Prius, and somehow they’re wedged together like shopping carts. We look back and hear the elephant stampeding our way, and we look the other way and see another appear, too. We’re trapped.
I tackle Andy into a nearby bush to save us. The elephants converge and their tusks get stuck together. They try to wiggle themselves apart but fail, and end up rolling onto their backs.
I then wake up from my dream at five in the morning, wondering what the actual fuck.
Wow, that's a pretty detailed dream. I had a dream that I kept hundreds of frogs in my fridge.
Now you just need to self-analyze your dream, like I do, and figure out all your insecurities. It'll be fun!
Andy is a friendly zombie *explosion* without a head. Raz is a chimpanzee *helicopter noises* without a clue.
Together *more explosions* They must uncover the secret of
*WHOOSHCLANKBANGCLANK*
Zombie Party Mansion
Coming to theatres this fall. Rated NC-17
Reading that was a trip. I can't imagine experiencing it.
1.) Have crazy dream
2.) Write it down
3.) Ponify and post to Fimfic
4.) ???
5.) Profit!
andy sounds like a nice guy.
I once had a dream where I got defiled by a cyberzombie, once. Really, the only thing that seemed "zombie" about him was the fact that there was a half-rotted human head put over the thing's robot head so it looked like a cyborg/zombie combo. It was only attacking me because I was wearing an eyepatch, so he'd thought I was a pirate and attacked on sight, when I revealed that I was wearing it due to an incurable eye disease I had gotten from a cactus. He then removed that eye and replaced it with a spare robot eye, but it was still creepy looking, so I kept the eye patch on. It was blue with a white, 5-pointed star and had red trim. Someone we were walking past gasped and held out a kite shield, blushing like a fangirl as she called me "Captain Fury America" and ran off. We then beat the shit out of robotic tigers. I woke up right as they were sitting down to eat nachos off a naked chick's body, like they do with sushi and shit, but hotter 'cause it was nachos.