The Closet Bisexual · 7:01am Aug 13th, 2014
Just as advance warning, this journal is, in some sense, deeply personal yet also concerned with big issues. Also note that most of this is concerned with issues in the Furry Fandom proper, and not just the Brony subset (And yes, it is a subset, don't make me get the Venn diagrams and truth tables.)
So, many years ago I was another average guy involved in the furry fandom. I was and am very loyal. From the start, it was always there for me. The community was warm and welcoming. I came through middle and high school as a very dedicated furry.
So on around Senior year of High School I very nearly came out of the closet... as gay. I was very seriously considering telling my folks that I was gay. Why would I do that? Because I kissed a few guys, and had a boyfriend. It seemed a natural thing to do. (Note, the relationships I had were stable and very pleasant, but not very long-lasting for reasons mostly related to distance. I think I found the right guy. He's a university professor and scholar of medieval literature. We've been together for a while now, so barring unforseen happenings, this is the one.)
What stopped me? Simple fear, mostly. We're LGBT-positive liberal Catholics in this family (well, I'm an Agnostic Atheist, but I was raised Catholic) so I knew I wouldn't be too badly treated. But I still pulled back. It's a good thing. Because the truth is, I wasn't.
The strange thing about the Furry Fandom is that it is sweet, nurturing and inclusive, yet... obsessed with its own self. All that is important is the promotion of the self. And specialness helps. That is the reasoning behind the 'detail arms race' that turned ordinary critters into sparkledogs. (Don't hold your pride so high; rememeber the prevalence of OC alicorns from nowhere and also the OCs who suddenly are super powered demigods.) But what's that got to do with being gay?
To come out as gay, to stand with pride and glory against a harsh world determined to destroy them is supposed to be amazing. This is reflected in the fiction that was unbelievably common in the 90's and may still persist (though reduced to a degree) which seemed to center around anthropomorphic teens either slowly realizing they're gay or being gay and finally rising up to show it. Mostly focused on relationships where the gay couples fought through stuff. Thus the gargantuan spate of highly sexualized comics that came of the disastrous 90's era black-and-white comics boom: Associated Student Bodies, Circles, Havoc Inc (though that was mostly Terrie Smith's MO coming through) and others.
It's far more important that someone come out as gay in order to take up that position of power and specialness. The gay rights and gay identity ideals are powerful instances of social cachet that, in theory, can't be faked. And in an odd way, I was guilty of this too.
I had the standard straight fantasies in my youth. I even had Rule 63 thoughts about some male characters. But then I saw some cute male characters, with some neat personalities. I had fantasies about men. And I met furry males, and dated them. Surely, then, I was gay.
What did that mean? A lot of systematic lying to myself and others. I denied the parts of myself that didn't fit, and pretended that anything which seemed heterosexual was only a literary device. That I was gay but good at creating fictional straight stuff.
This cam about because bisexuality, even then, was very inexactly used and defined. In essence the only time "bisexual" was used was to describe an image or story with a threesome going on. Yes, even with the power of the Internet I didn't have a very good grasp of what I was inside. The usual description was the simple dichotomy of straight and gay.
Eventually I had to come to grips with the idea that I really did like both men and women, and had dated men simply because that was what I encountered most often. Especially in the furry fandom. A lot of them are deeply closeted. The bisexual closet.
It's the dirty little secret of things. There are some furries out there that read as gay, in a lifestyle sense. Their artwork gallery and favorites are filled with shirtless men and penises, their comments tend to be on art of the same, and even their journals have a very... 'flamboyant' air about them. They read as though they have never even seen a woman in their lives. But they will happily roleplay with women and be unbelievably eager about it. They go at it with gusto and passion, or at least with a genuine passion. (Funny fact, the greatest percentage of the silently closet bisexual males I've met have specifically been in the Muscle fetish subgroup. It seems that the guys into muscles seem to be more likely to be into both but just have more of a guy focus.)
This comes about because sexuality is not a simple dichotomy, nor even a simple trichotomy. Ignoring transgendered folk and asexuals (for simplicity's sake) the most basic division is what's known as the Kinsey Scale as suggested by Alfred Kinsey's famous sex survey. It is a seven-point scale going from zero (completely heterosexual) to six (completely homosexual) with three being thoroughly bisexual, with one through five being the range of bisexuality. Sexuality isn't, strictly speaking, fluid, but the experience of bisexuality can be seen to be very broad and often influenced by the society and expectations of those close to them.
There is so much investment in absolutes and in status related to being someone who is marginalized that those who are close to the ends, one and five, are likely apt to simply call themselves straight or gay (also because the non-proclaimed-orientation inclinations are sporadic.) Middle bisexuals and those of two and four may find it harder to say they are truly one or the other. But they must pick (so they think) so an orientation is "selected" and other inclinations are denied or set aside. There is a hypothesis that when homophobic reparative therapy is seen to 'work' that it is actually a bisexual exclusively focusing on the opposite gender portion of their orientation.
There are few role models for bisexuals, with many myths preventing them from being taken seriously. The idea that they are notably promiscuous, flighty and insincere, self-deceptive (oh, the irony) or similar prevents them from occupying a respected place in society and within the LGBT community, even though they are ostensibly listed as part of it.
A bit rambling and disjointed. But this is a journal that I have long wanted to write. Because I suspect there are quite a lot of closet bisexuals who really should come out of the closet. Don't be afraid of bisexuality. Embrace it and be proud of the true feelings inside.
Props to you for saying all this.
2366630
Thank you. I know it sounds odd but I really think there should be 'Bisexual Pride' in some sense.
2366639
Doesn't sound too odd to me, I mean I don't see any reason to not take pride in what you are, or how you feel.
Nothing new for me (learned all that years ago), but it's good that you were able to get that out.
Sometimes, all a man needs is a little bit o' dick, if you know what I'm sayin'.
Once I got past my Christian brainwashing in late highschool/early meandering college (Still a Christian, just a much more liberal one), I never had a problem, for whatever reason, with the idea of sexuality being a fluid spectrum. It's perhaps helped me realize that I consider myself probably 75% heterosexual (you're probably one of the few people who won't raise an eyebrow at the statement "I'm straight, but as someone into BDSM, I've fantasized about consensually being blindfolded, tied up, and used by a bunch of men [though I suspect in reality it would be rather painful based on my small sample of experience with improvised dildos.].") and 90% heteroamorou.
Now, based on my limited interaction with the furry fandom, it seems to me that it has an even greater gender disparity ratio than Bronies do. Also, the following [paraphrased] quote from a friend is revealing: "I'm one of those rare straight furries." Perhaps this contributes to the problem?
2366664
That last bit is very true. Overpoweringly male, and with few females who are single and looking. All the male furries I know are bisexual to some degree, even the ones that date women regularly. Heh, one of my dear friends is kind of a sleaze but in a "hilarious pervert" way, and loves women a lot, but he draws a metric ton of gay art and solo male work.
Good on you for becoming more liberal. As I said, I started out liberal, and eventually went trough the usual steps from theism to atheism. It seems journeys of discovery were my thing.
2366661
I agonized over this because this is something important to me.
2366663
The Kinsey scale would seem to say that. Heh.
I grew up in a staunch Conservative Republican household with an atheist dad and a Lutheran mom. My brother ended up as a Mormon and me as an agnostic. I used to be heavily against gays but over time, many of my friends ended up as LGBT. I realised my bisexuality and have embraced it. I've been able to soften my parents' views on LGBT issues and now am a proud Rockefeller Republican looking to open up the party to new groups of people by accepting and embracing diversity and tolerance of other people. I remain Republican solely because of their economic ideals; I heavily dislike many of the economic ideas coming from the Democrats. I hope that you guys don't bash on me for being a Rockefeller Republican. My best friend is a Socialist and I have the respect of a Marxist on this site. I thank you for sharing your personal experiences.
Interesting stuff.
RationalWiki is not an entirely serious or reliable source of information. I might be left-leaning but that's jumping off the boat into the left side of everything.
2366770
No worries. I'm an Atheist Agnostic Socialist and I mostly care about how people approach questions of fact or potential fact. One of my best friends is that sort of Rockefeller Republican. Glad to hear other parts of the political spectrum chiming in.
2367011
They cite sources and use mainstream or even peer reviewed sources when appropriate (and actual quotes from wingnut sources to prove they're wingnuts.) In what sense are their articles on woo, pseudoscience or even basic definitions of things (like biphobia) wrong?
2366890
It is too seldom mentioned. I thought it had to be said.
The biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community sickens me. Don't even get me started. (Seriously, you'll be here all day reading my rants.) It's fantastic that you were finally able realize your bisexuality and come out!
I've been working as a queer/trans student activist since high school (six years now). If you have any questions relating to queerness/transgenderness (terminology, things you still don't quite understand, etc.), I'd be happy to answer. Or we can just talk about things in general.
Also, nice to see another Catholic-turned-atheist. My super-Catholic family just can't handle my gaytheism.
Oddly enough, from everything I've read and heard about, the lgbt crowd can be every bit as hateful and deceitful as the straight laced religious right. You'd think being a minority meant you'd lean towards fairness, but in my experience, all suffering minorities are just an acceptance level away from openly getting their hate on for some other less accepted group... I could bring up examples but I won't, it'd just start drama.
2367266
The biphobia article I linked to bears you out. People are hateful in general. But minorities have unique experiencing with categories. They are often obsessed with the narrowness of their categories because they are focused on the human in-group/out-group division.
2367250
Hey, drop me a PM any time. I'll share my cell number if you like. I already text with a few awesome bronyfolks.
Fair enough my friend,
2374625
Source citations do tend to be a bit of a hassle for folk who prefer they not exist.
Are you a real person or a character? I had you pegged as a single-issue wonk but this has nothing do with Vomit of Equestria. (I know, your fragile ego must defend the indefensible because you invested your time into that rubbish.) So, you watch me, and read these blogs, because..?
2374978
"you might just find a partner in someone who can swing both ways. Mrow." inspires so much confidence in the reliability of a source, doesn't it?
And their cites? 3 clickbait popular science articles, and a Dan Savage column that's only used to attack the source. Please tell me you weren't trying to be serious.
But if you really want gold, check out the word salad of their transmisogyny article
As hilarious as RW can be, Conservapedia is funnier to post as an obvious joke, and it's much less cringy.
Anyway, you're on my short list of fimfic people to watch, because some of the things you post are good for a chuckle. I'd also been trading coming-out stories with a few people earlier, and some of the bi folks mentioned how much easier it was to tell straight people, who aren't nearly as obsessed with identity politics as "the community".
I'd never really followed furrydom other than through a few friends, so it was interesting to see your perspective.
2375557
So are you serious, or just some kind of cartoon character? You discount RW just because (frankly, the articles are informative, especially their contrary positions on woo; the FAQ on Atheism is also good. I like a touch of humor.
I don't watch folks I dislike. So, this is a strange choice. I wish you wouldn't comment but I can't stop you. I mean, I could. But it's better if I don't just block you. I still wish you would restrict your comments a bit.
2375899
If you didn't follow what you don't like, you wouldn't get first comment on so many FoE stories. From here it looks like reading those is the highlight of your day--not that I can blame you for that.
Since you seem willing to keep up a dialogue, I thought I should at least return the favour and let you know your input is valued and appreciated.
Not entirely sure what "contrary positions on woo" are. Can you explain?
2376220
I dn't follow the Fall writers. I barely follow anyone for technical reasons (going to a page and following tends to crash my phone.) It's mostly coincidental, because I happen to see something on the front page. I've delved through a lot of drek to write a cogent rebuttal. The only good Fall story is an anti-Fall story, which is why I pre-read for O and have my feelers out for anti-Fall collaborators. I wish I could grasp why you're so enamored, but I've come to the conclusion you're not. Jus another in the long line of folks in the cult of insincerity, like hipsters and their ironic appreciation. If I'm wrong, tell me in a message. I think my blog has been your soapbox long enough.
As for RW, just what it says on the tin. They have proper articles on woo. Pseudoscience, alternative medicine, conspiracy theories, cults, new age nonsense, as well as mainstream irrationality like Dominionism, the prosperity gospel and creationism.