Daniel The Bunny · 8:12am Aug 8th, 2014
Well...I'm well aware the arbitrary, daily tediums of one's life are hardly interesting, but I believe this will rouse anyone who loves animals...or bunnies, specifically. The woods by my apartment complex are chock-full of itty, bitty, brown bunny rabbits. On my way back from the curb store (this was literally about 20-30 minutes ago) from whence I procured a carton of Reds and a bottle of vodka, I encountered one of the poor, little creatures. Violently. The little guy ran right out in front of my car. It was about 0245 and very foggy here in Tennessee at the time, so I couldn't see but a few feet in front of my headlights. I couldn't stop in time. I heard an unceremonious, little Bump!...and that was it. I pulled over to the side of the road to check on the little guy...I wasn't feeling particularly optimistic, seeing as to how he'd just been obliterated by a two ton, metal monstrosity. But I checked anyway, bringing a shoe box from my trunk that had held an old pair of work boots. The little dude was fucked up. I felt terrible.
I scooped him up into the box and took him back with me. I dug him a little grave in the rosebushes by our apartment, setting a little stick cross I assembled atop it. I decided to give the little dude a name: Daniel. (Yes, he was a boy. I checked. The least I could do was get his gender right.) I don't know why I named him. I'm wasn't sure why this affected me so much. I have no idea how many men I've buried overseas for whom I didn't shed a single tear, but a dead, little bunny in the middle of the road jarred me beyond belief. And then I realized it...this is why we watch this show. This is why. This is the side of us that picks up poor, little animals off the side of the road and buries them. It's our gentility...our compassion...our mercy...our affections...it's our kinder natures that this show embodies, and therein contains our feelings that are otherwise forgotten between the cracks of grey, utilitarian concrete. This show's sincerity is a sweet counter to the disingenuity of a flaccid, septic society contrived of cardboard cutouts of people and places. So let's all take a moment of silence for Daniel the Bunny, please. Behold my nigh cosmic lamentation for one of God's least significant, little creatures:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/t0xgs8k08xnuagr/out_01.jpg
I know. I'm being a giant faggot right now. But I just killed a baby bunny, dude. And I reserve the right to be sad about it, okay?
Headlights are invented for a reason
I've done that once to a fucking stupid ass squirrel who jumped like right in front of my car. It felt a little shitty though
2353480
"It was about 0245 and very foggy here in Tennessee at the time, so I couldn't see but a few feet in front of my headlights."
Eeyup.
2353546
Squirrels are like the Dane Cook of the animal world, bruh. Still...I'd feel pretty shitty about it, too.
I feel shitty when I hit an animal.
Pussy.
2353702
I know, right? Especially when it's just a baby.
2353736
Are you calling me a "pussy", or are you offering me some? Because the former is one of the few things that I'm not. And the latter is something you're seemingly compelled to give me...but you'll have to work for it.
2353916 Pussy!
2353920
I am not! Y-You're just a big stupid-head! I'm a big, scary tough guy! Just...just don't hit me or anything. Please, don't hurt me...Oh God...not the face.
Ah, like lambs to the slaughter. Like lemmings to the suicide hotline. Like crabs to a mouldy, overgrown pubic region. Like a crackwhore to a group of rich, spaghetti, choir boy virgins. Like a necrophiliac to a cemetery. Like Scootaloo's parents to the KFC deep fat friers.
Need I say more?
2354020
Shit's fuckin' metal as fuck, dude.
2354061 In all seriousnes; R.I.P. Danny Bunny. Although you didn't get to live the duration of your life, and you were taken away from us all too soon, your memory shall live on here through this Fimfiction blog post. A prestigious honour I'm sure.
2353642 Dumb rabbit could see you car, it was a suicide mission ... have you not read the book?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Bunny-Suicides-Andy-Riley/dp/0340828994
2354184
Oh....that's what you meant. Do you think Daniel did it on purpose? Was he really that depressed? There should've been warning signs! *sigh* And I've skimmed through a book like that before with similar artwork. I presume that they're the same author. It was pretty funny. Fucked up, but funny.
2354158
Thank you for paying your respects, Inky. My opinion of you has risen even further. You're now on your path to redemption from that boggy mire you were in that consisted entirely of threatening people with licentious, nebulously-delineated acts of sexual violence. Props to ya', brah.
2353918 The former. You're a weak little pussy shit.
2356139
Oh, please, girl. I know you're tough and whatnot, but you're a big softie like me deep down. If you ran the little guy over, you'd be wailing about it, too.
2356506 I accidentallly decapitated an owl when doing a tree with a hedge trimmer. I didn't even wince.
2356513
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR1_C6Ve6LMa5ZzkCCFsoP2oGf4tOYcuzrBU8vkEnXux96Og03s
2356532 Lel.
2356571
"Lel?" I don't follow.
2356643 Nuthin. I'm drunk.
2356946
Oh. Okay. Happy Drunken Birthday, Olivia. Don't get too messed up. Otherwise, you're liable to start humping a traffic light in public or something.
2356948 Already done that.
2357003
You, too? Aww...man...and here I thought I was being a trailblazer and shit...
2357021 It didn't go to bad in the end. Thank you for the support.
2358104
Aww...well, I hope you had a lovely birthday celebration, my dear. I'm rather penitent about my inability to give you a proper present. The one I had in mind was right up your alley...no pun intended...okay...yeah...pun intended.
Here's a hint: It's something that only girls can do either solo or with a bit of "assistance." And it rhymes with "dirt."
2358116 Oooh hoo-hoo~ How are you going to do that, Sweetie.
2358119
No problem. Imma' fly out to England and head down your favorite, grimey alleyway where those Russian gangsters like to sell counterfeited toys, DVD's, and stuffed animals....also, desomorphine and illegal, military-grade firearms, but who cares about that stuff? Bleh. Then...I'll buy you a stuffed Bert from Sesame Street plushie, lay it down on your doorstep and ring the bell, and run and hide in the bushes. Your reaction will be naught but positive...nay...fucking elated.
See? Technically, you could've gone and bought the Bert doll yourself solo, but I didn't feel that was appropriate. It's your birthday after all.
Aren't I just infinitely clever? *sigh* Now where'd I put that desomorphine and AKS-47u? i.imgur.com/2p2f0ah.gif
2358151 Sexy Ass is confused.
2358207
Well, that explains it...yo' yee-yee ass neurology more fucked up than two male wolverines fucking. All your neurons are in your butt. They're not supposed to be in your Butt Barn. Did you know that? They're supposed to be in your Head Squishy...where all the Think Smart happens. Like how to make the best toast. Or what the color "red" would smell like if it was a smell.
2358251 *Exchanges think smarts at the butt bank for ice cream*
Heh. Ass cream.
2358304
Hehehe..."ass cream"...that's like...Preparation H or somethin'...
2358357 Heh. I have no idea.
2358380
Really? I imagined that you'd be one of the world's foremost authorities on butt-related topical creams. Everything I've ever known is a lie!!! *runs away like a girl to go write in his Twilight: New Moon-themed boy-diary*
2358781 Hot. You should have a wank sometime.
2359160
W.A.N.K.= "wackin' ain't necessary, killa'"
2359198 Ookay!
*Gives you a handjob*
2360684
Sorry. Can't feel it. I'm on angel dust and DXM right now.