Let's talk about nondescriptive descriptors. · 2:51am Aug 8th, 2014
I'm not talking about much-maligned adverbs. Adverbs work well for that they're supposed to - you just don't replace actual description with them.
No, I'm talking about verbing nouns that don't need to be verbed. Specifically, "deadpanned" and "facehoofed."
I see both of these used an awful lot, especially the latter (and, relatedly, I see 'facepalmed' on occasion in newer nonpony fiction, which is unconscionable). While I recognize and admit that language changes and adapts and adopts new words and phrases, those two really annoy me. Deadpan, for example, requires continuing on as you were while saying something that should call for a different emotional tone entirely. But just "deadpanned" tells me nothing, because its dependant on what comes before. Wikipedia's article on deadpan delivery discusses the variations in delivery and subtlety which, I think, demonstrates why even if you follow Google's definition of deadpanned it conveys too little information.
Relatedly, while the facehoof/facepalm is an immediately recognizable gesture, it's not in fact a very common one. When I see people using it, the actual gesture is out of place with what's going on, and serves as a shorthand for genuine expressions of frustration. Even when the facepalm is used in real life, it can vary from a brief smack to covering the eyes and wiping down toward the nose, to massaging the temples. It's just insufficient for conveying the meaning of the gesture, just like deadpan.
I don't want to be too much of a language grognard but these two just seem to suffer from being used as a shorthand for something complex, which might be fine for conversation but not for narrative. I'll probably put these two in the same bin as the use of 'smirk' for every sort of expression tangential to a smile.
Smirks.
2352648 One thousand years dungeon.
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You'll never take away my ability to smirk!
"Deadpanning" seems pretty clear. It means to adopt a serious tone for something that isn't serious. It's a distinct delivery in its own right. It's not just continuing on as you were. Unless you're Batman and speak seriously about everything to begin with, I suppose, which is an entirely different comedic trope.
As for facepalming, I agree with your complaint there.
A smirk is what Han Solo gives Princess Leia right before she shoots him down. There's so much subtlety of expression being missed out on if someone is shorthanding all those not-quite-smiles. Weak smiles, broad smiles, thin, lopsided, trembling, brief, long, cold, warm, and on and on.
This is a place where what background I have in theater is very useful to me. You do a lot of thinking and talking about what goes into physically conveying an emotion, and you start to become very conscious of what your face and body are doing, and what they're saying with that action.
2352679 I'm probably Doing It Wrong, but the dictionary definition of a word doesn't ever quite mesh with the various shades and overtones a word has in practice. Dry, wry, cynical, and sardonic are all technically synonyms but I wouldn't use them interchangeably; they all have different flavors. Different connotations. "Deadpanned" has no flavor to me. It's not that it's nonsensical, it's that it's nondescriptive.
2352681 Yeah. I have a tendency to overuse 'smile' myself which is why I actually shy away from describing facial expressions unless they're temporary, like an eyebrow-raise or a scowl.
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There's a point though where adding a descriptor to every 'smile' or action in general just feels forced, like the 'lavender unicorn syndrome'.
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"...but don't over-do it!" is applicable to just about any piece of writing advice out there, yes.
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When I start feeling like expression words are getting worn out, I usually start switching it up with description of what the character is actually, physically doing. Corners of the lips moving up or curling, crinkling nose, lines on the cheek. Ponies are great for this, since you can throw in the ears and tail swiveling and swishing.
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Wanna know how I got these scars?
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I was drunk but I am pretty sure it involved a freezie wrapper.
Simply, I agree with you. I've been known to lightly use 'deadpanned' in atypical conversation, but I agree that it just shouldn't exist.
An object to facepalmed/hooved I understand. They make me think of too many Picard memes that, while funny, are best kept as memes. I don't get the objection to deadpanned though.
What deadpanning a line means seems clear enough to me and, depending on the voice of the character you're using, I would be fine with it. While it's always possible to expand on a facial expression or tone of voice, for the typical use-case of a one-liner delivery there's simply no need. The abstraction is fine as it conveys the important detail.
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I agree. When someone says Twilight deadpanned her line, it reminds me of times she's done it in the series, so I can actually hear her saying whatever line in a very nonplussed manner with that sort of "Really?" glare she gets. It's memetic more than descriptive, which I actually like when it fits a story. Too much descriptiveness and it's just bogging things down. We all know the source material, so alluding to it in a way that provides an instant call-back helps the flow and can actually help immersion as your readers' memories do the heavy-lifting for you.
I think you're over-stating things with deadpan, it's just as descriptive as the other terms you've suggested replacing it.
Facepalming on the other hand is an incredibly rare and varied thing that really should be described rather than summarized like that.
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I did say I might be doing it wrong! That said, thinking about it more, I wonder if my objection to 'deadpanned' as a descriptor is in part due to my writing style, which is pretty far from casual/colloquial. It's just not something I'd use, ever.
While I have to disagree about the lack of descriptiveness of those, and I don't see much of an issue with "deadpanned," I do agree that "facehoofed" is problematic for a number of reasons:
- It's a neologism that will quite likely flag the work as an amateur one.
- The word itself has comedic implications, so even if the gesture gets done in other situations, it might be better to describe the gesture instead of using some variation of facehoof in order to avoid mood whiplash. Or, to put it another way, don't use it unless you want to make the reader think of a Picard Facepalm meme (or a Twilight Facehoof meme, those seem to already be common enough).
- It's a very blatant anthropomorphism. It's a gesture that is anatomically impossible for a real horse, and atop that ponies seem to use horseshoes on their front hooves, so it's roughly the equivalent of shoving your ironclad boot up your face. Unless there is a really good reason for the character to make that gesture it might be better avoided for this reason alone.
- It is rare in the show. Only two characters seem to use it with any frequency, Twilight and Rainbow Dash, with Rainbow Dash using it perhaps once or twice per season (three characters with Spike, if you consider facepalms too). Other characters are more prone to other reactions: Rarity might roll her eyes, Applejack might give a level stare with an eyebrow raised, Fluttershy might make a stunned face and say "Goodness," and Pinkie will keep blissfully smiling as if nothing happened.
Disclaimer: I did use it in four of my fics (out of 26 when including unpublished ones). Always when attempting to invoke a comedy tone, though, and as often as not to describe the point of view character fighting the urge to facehoof rather than describing the gesture itself.
I'm annoyed when fics try to import cartoon visual gags into written form, like the anime "sweatdrop." Used as a verb, like above.
"Sweatdropping" makes me facepalm. Literally if used repeatedly.
Maybe because it's like I'm reading a fic about a show, not a fic set in the show's universe. It feels cheap and unreal and attracts my downvotes.
See, my problem with 'deadpanned' is that if you're using it, you're likely clubbing the reader over the head and yelling "JOKE HERE!"
2353697 That's a good point, and that may contribute to my annoyance at it. I'm not sure it's even directly logical, it's just a word that throws me right out of flow when I see it.
2353647 Oh yeah. Any kind of neologism doesn't really fit with a huge chunk of writing, especially writing about a universe that isn't ours, and what makes it worse is that anime expressions like sweatdropping are used as low-resolution representations of complex emotions. But with writing your resolution is infinite.
2353708 I think people often reach for 'deadpanned' because of two things colliding:
1) They think they need to signpost a deadpan delivery to make sure everyone notices, and
2) They're trying to avoid adverb constructions like 'said flatly/calmly/casually/whatever' because adverbs are, apparently, always bad.
Unfortunately, 'deadpanned' is a flashing neon sign where 'said flatly' is a modest painted suggestion. The underlying issue, though, is that they're trying too hard to make sure the whole audience catches everything. That is the number one most-made mistake I see made by people who are trying to write something funny, whether it's a comedy fic or a lighthearted moment in a serious one. It brings to mind the old line about jokes and frogs:
What do jokes and frogs have in common?
They both croak when you run a signpost through them.
2353733 This is what I did instead of "Deadpanned"
I think it's still clear and, hell, even a flashing neon sign. But I think it conveys better.
2353741 That works great, for what you're doing with it. The point in your snippet is more to characterize Gérard than to deliver a joke to the reader. If I saw someone using 'deadpanned' in that situation, I'd be chalking it up as a missed opportunity to use something more descriptive rather than an over-signed joke. I just spend too much time thinking about comedy writing specifically.
Though actually, it occurs to me that it would be a related problem. In a more general sense, 'deadpanned' is extremely tell-y, and often gets used in places where the author should have used something more show-y[1]. You're still telling the reader that there is humor intended, but using the longer descriptive around it makes it a gentler tell. 'Deadpanned' in that spot barges right into the reader's face to tell him or her what's going on; 'a glint of humor in the eyes' sidles up to the reader's side and casually mentions it. They're both 'telling', but the delivery makes the difference. Likewise, in comedy, jokes get killed by being too tell-y with the delivery rather than showing the reader what's funny[2].
[1] Like many things that pat advice givers talk about, 'show vs tell' is a continuum, not an either/or choice.
[2] The actual punchline to the joke I made in my last post is 'You can dissect them to show how they work, but then they're both dead'.
That's right, kids. Always use the emoticons instead:
I admit I've used facehooved in the past. In my defense, though, I made a running gag of it for one chapter and then cut back as much as I could...?
I don't think I've ever used deadpanned, but I could be wrong. I do struggle with descriptions during dialogue a lot.
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That sounds like a good way to start picking off the site staff via aneurysm.
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Mmyep
Chapter 1: One usage
Chapter 3: Two usages
Chapter 4: LOTS of usages
Chapter 7: One usage, stating remorse as she had been "clean for three whole days"
Chapter the rest: never again.
Also two instances of deadpanned in 133k words. Ehh, I don't feel too bad about it, that's what editors are for
Although I sometimes use it alone, I often us it as part of descriptions, specifying exactly how it does go down. Though I might indeed use it a little much. On the other hand I have the comedy tag on most of my stories so breaking the tone doesn't really apply.
Deadpanned on the other hand I don't think I've ever used. I'm not sure I even use deadpan that often. I always say it some other way.
2355324 Comedic use is something I can't really speak to. If it isn't obvious by now, humor is beyond my capacity as a writer.