Another bunch of 'Why?'s

Why is it I care about opinions? More specifically, why do I care about negative opinions more than positive ones?
Is it underlying insecurity? Am I never satisfied with my best? That plays a role in it.
Am I just sensitive? Eh, I'm not one to judge myself on that, but probably.
Do I hate myself on a deep level? Indeed I do.

Why do I hate myself?
I'm not clever, or fast, or strong, or anything. I try, but am always outshone, and it makes me angry, not at the person outdoing me, but at myself for not being better. 'Why can't you be as A as B?' 'You're nothing like C when it comes to D.' 'You can be so much more. But you're not.'
I'm lazy, and I know it too. I just don't motivate myself well. I don't know if it's the ADD symptoms I've been told I have, or something else. Maybe I'm just crap at getting started on a project or (similar word goes here.)
I'm a mediocre writer. Don't deny it, don't patronize me. It's true and we both know it.
I have a number of traits I hate to find in other people. I blame myself for every shortcoming, and I take them hard.

Why do negative opinions make me feel angry? Why not sad, or disappointed, like most people?
My father (not to cast blame) was often disappointed in me for things I did in recent memory. I found sadness and disappointment got me nowhere, only brought me down. But I cannot simply shut them off. I grew mad at my father for making me feel these ways, and it grew, until it became the dominant emotion. I suppose that became the natural reaction to negativity.
Or not. How would I know? It's only my mind.

What point is there in doing things I no longer enjoy? What if part of me does, but part doesn't?
I honestly do not know. If you think you do, tell me. Go on. I'm sure the response of a faceless internet person will give me purpose.