Wiggity wiggity whack! · 11:35pm Aug 3rd, 2014
I noticed something just now when I went and looked at the story page of Our Weary Daughter, Rest, particularly when I looked over at the side bar where it listed all the groups the fic had been entered into, something I can only describe as Wiggity Wiggity Whack.
I stopped adding my stories to groups a while back, because other people kept doing it way before I had any chance to add them myself, and after a while I just started assuming that other people would add my stories to the appropriate groups for me (and thanks for that! every time you add one of my stories to a group on my behalf, you save me, like, ten seconds, and add all those ten seconds together and you’ve given me at least three minutes in which I’m able to masturbate while knowing that I’m not actually wasting time, because someone else is doing my work for me). Now I don’t really pay any attention at all to what groups my stories are being added to, and the ultimate result of that disinterest seems to be that people (or at least someone) have started adding my stories in very silly places.
So, (because I’m in the mood for some pointless rambling) going down the list of groups Our Weary Blablah, Blah has been added to:
Ones-Shots
Whoever added the fic to this group, you are a wo/man I’d like to sit down and have a drink with some day. Your ability to put square shapes in square-shaped holes and circle shapes in circle-shaped holes is second to none. By every definition of the term, Our Weary Bicycle, Rust is most definitely a oneshot. Congratulations sir/madam, you’ve won yourself a gold star!
Feel free to print that baby off your computer and tape it onto your forehead the next time you go out. You earned it.
Struggling Authors
I wasn't sure how to feel about this one at first. The group's description begins 'if you feel as though your stories are not being recognized for all that they are, blah blah, enter them into this group so they can be ignored in one more place.' Or something to that effect. But my stories are already being ignored all across the world, by all races and ethnicities, and by all religions and cultures, so that can't possibly be the reason this person added my story here.
Perhaps this person, whom I'm going to refer to from this point on as Ehud, read Your Tired Sister, Susan and found it to be such a devastating failure of word-porn and striking monument to brain-vomit that he became convinced that it wasn't a story at all, but a desperate call for help by a lonely, suffering, struggling author. But recognizing that he was not equipped to deal with such a drastically far-gone case as I, he added my story to Struggling Authors in the hopes that I might find the proper literary counseling I was clearly in so great need of there.
In that case, thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, Ehud. Every day is a challenge, but with the help of people like you, I truly believe I may own day conquer this terrible illness.
Rookies on the Rise
And this is where things start getting silly.
However, I've never been very clear on exactly who is and who isn't considered a 'rookie' when it comes to writing. I insisted on calling myself a beginner author until very recently when a group of actual beginner authors informed me that they felt that the comparison between my work and theirs was insulting and condescending, and that they prayed to Mother Mary every night that I would never again be associated with them, or they with me. I also discovered that I was a much better (and better looking) writer than them.
I think it would be facetious to describe myself as a rookie, and it would be even more facetious to describe myself as being 'on the rise.' I haven't grown an inch in years. I can assure you all that my height is staying very much the same (#badjokes).
But I choose to look at this particular group addition in the most positive light possible. Ehud clearly didn't find Her Impatient Goldfish, Bloodlust very impressive, since he considered it rookie work, but Ehud did consider it to be the work of a rookie 'on the rise,' as opposed to all those rookies who are just, I don't know, lying around on the floor, shitting their pants or something.
You're right, Ehud! I haven't shit my pants in years!
School for New Writers
I'm honestly confused as to why this group even accepts story submissions. It seems to be a group dedicated to showing off essays about how to improve your writing, which is a great idea. But they don't do reviews, don't offer feedback on submitted stories of any kind. The only reason I can see for submitting stories is so that it'll show up in members' feeds, and what the hell is the point of that?
I think someone should tell rookie authors that submitting their stories to these kinds of groups for the purpose of getting more views is a waste of time. Generally, the only people who join and submit stories to these kinds of groups are rookie authors, and the unfortunate, but self evident, truth is that most people don't have much interest in reading stories written by rookie authors. The exception being if that rookie author writes in a specific genre that people are interested in, in which case you're much more likely to find readers in that specific genre's group. If you're a new author and you're writing an AppleDash fic, you should add it there. On paper, groups that only feature work by rookie authors sound cool, but in practice they simply don't work. There are too many rookie authors writing too many stories for anyone to ever be able sift through all the junk and find the stories worth reading in these kinds of groups.
But the essay side of School for New Writers looks very much like it's work checking out. Thanks for the heads up, Ehud!
I Just Want A Comment
I like the idea behind this group. Getting comments on your story is awesome, even when they're negative comments. I guess maybe if they were all negative comments, that might stop being much fun, but I can't imagine posting stories and then no one ever commenting on them, and still having the enthusiasm to write more stories afterwards. Comments sections are a big part of what makes writing fan fiction worthwhile. There are few times while reading published fiction that you have the ability or opportunity to immediately tell the author what you thought about their story, and then they have the ability to respond. Fan fiction without comments is just a shame.
At the same time, especially when it comes to comments with negative feedback, often the author never asked you for feedback and they really don't give a shit what you thought about their story (though, this probably says more about the importance of knowing how to deliver unsolicited negative criticism than it does about the actual value of delivering unsolicited negative criticism), and so I've usually just started shutting the hell up after reading a fic unless I feel I really have something of value to say.
But look! This is a whole group of people specifically asking me to leave comments on their fics! It's like Christmas, except all the time and I still have to go to work everyday! What fun! I'm ending a lot of sentences in exclamation marks right now! Woopty doo dah day!
When it comes to my own fic, though, I don't really need anymore comments, and I definitely don't want them so desperately that I'm going to crawl on my hands and knees to an apathetic public and pitifully beg through choking sobs and anguished wails for people to take pity on me and comment on my story (but if you'd like to read my newest fic and let me know what you think of it, I'd be extremely grateful to hear what you have to say!). There just isn't much to say about Those Discontented Workers, Socialist Revolt. I wrote/edited it in just a couple days, no planning or real thought involved. I just hoped that getting something out there might break through the attitude of complete and utter apathy I've developed towards writing. It didn't.
If I have anything to say about My Sick Donkey, Vomit, it's that I think Applejack would face death the same way she faces most every other challenge in her life, with the support of, and in support of, her family.
I wonder if Ehud left a comment on the fic...
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau
Now this is just downright disingenuous, Ehud. I don't imagine this group has many strict rules, but in the very least they must require that the people doing the self promoting be the people who wrote the stories. What are you self promoting, Ehud? Your own good taste?
This group seems like some kind of weird social experiment, or maybe a mildly interesting reality show. Create a space specifically for desperate attention seekers to desperately seek attention, and see what happens. I wouldn't say I'm against groups like this, I just don't see the point. The only people joining and submitting stories are people promoting their own stories. The thing is, I don't care what authors have to say about their own stories (except after I've already read the story, or if they're an author whose opinion I respect).
Like with movie studios. I couldn't care less what a movie studio has to tell me about a movie they've made, because the only thing they're trying to do is get me to buy a ticket or a DVD. They're openly admitting that they're presenting their work in the glossiest light possible, and sweeping any potential problems under the rug. If a reviewer wants to tell me something about a movie, or maybe even another movie studio wants to tell me something about some other studio's movie, I'll be more interested hearing what they have to say because they're less likely to have an agenda. I have no interest in listening to another author's ad campaign.
Equestria: Past, Present, and Future
I... don't understand what this group is. In any case, That Sleepy Grandma, Nap doesn't take place anywhere in Equestria, so I think it probably doesn't belong in this group.
And that's it. All of these group additions were made at the same time, so I'm guessing they were all made by the same person. What must have actually happened is that Ehud really liked this fic and was disappointed that it didn't seem to get much attention, and submitted it to a bunch groups to try and garner some more readers. Mr Ehud, while I am really happy that you enjoyed the fic, and I do appreciate that you're trying to get other people to read it, I don't think you're going about it the right way. His Fed Up Mailman, Exploding Mailboxes doesn't really belong in most of these groups.
I hate to do this, but I'm taking away your gold star. This act gives me no pleasure, Ehud. I'm only doing this because I care about you. Please remove the gold star from your forehead and mail it to me.
No wonder that story only has 42 upvotes.
Ah well. I added it to three more groups for you. Applejack, Applejack Fanfics (because someone decided that the Applejack group needed to have, you know, folders and an admin who actually pays attention to FIMFiction), and Short Stories.
For the record, I'm not responsible for the other group adds.
Whence "Ehud"? It looks like it ought to be an acronym, but I can find nowhere in the post that suggests an unfolding.
Or are you alluding to the left-handed assassin from the Book of Judges?
2342564
That's the one!
It has whatever significance you wish to assign to it, I guess. I've never bothered to think too hard about names.