Friendship is Card Games: Call of the Cutie · 5:22pm Jul 22nd, 2014
Again, my apologies for the delay. Visited my cool lesbian sister and her wife in New York. And on that note, let's look at an episode involving Applejack and Rainbow Dash. 
Cheerilee introduces the term "blank flank," thus not only arming the bullies, but introducing an anatomical malaprop that will resound throughout fan fiction. I suppose "my rear was clear" wasn't as catchy.
Also, Kepler equation on the board, which raises the question of how orbital mechanics work in a universe that isn't just geocentric (probably), but has the heavenly bodies on manual override. I guess it's less a formula that can predict the behavior of the objects and more a convenient rule of hoof for the sisters.
I really like the deep symbolism of Cheerilee's cutie mark. It shows that there can be more to the magical butt tattoos than is immediately apparent. That, of course, has opened up all kinds of possibilities for background ponies. Like a lyre strung with theoretical strings, or bubbles of space-time. 
As you may know, cuteceañera is derived from quinceañera. This raises intriguing questions about cultural exchange with Mexicolt and other Hisponic countries...
It bothers me a little that the teaspoon of vanilla appears to be a powder. I suppose a spoonful of brown fluid doesn't visually scream "vanilla," but still.
Apple Bloom's antics support my hypothesis about fourth-wall awareness being an intrinsic part of earth pony magic. Think about it; she's hiding from the camera. Not the other guests, but from us. Sensitive as she is to attention, she's subconsciously avoiding the greatest source of scrutiny.
Right, I've kept you all waiting long enough. Card time:
Apprentice Confectioner W
Creature — Pony
T: Target player gains 1 life.
"If I'm going to start my own business one day, I can't afford to turn away any customers."
1/1
Clarion Squeaker 1W
Creature — Unicorn Child
When Clarion Squeaker enters the battlefield, you may destroy target enchantment.
Magic, like glass, shatters when exposed to the right pitch.
1/2
Unshod Hoof Initiate 1W
Creature — Pony Monk
2W: Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt to and dealt by Unshod Hoof Initiate this turn.
"Any of my tribe can shatter a brick or a bone. From our enlightenment comes not might, but gentleness."
2/2
Drink Deep 1WW
Instant
Until end of turn, creatures you control gain "T: You gain 3 life."
Imitate (As you cast this spell from your hand, each opponent may tap two untapped creatures he or she controls. Each player who does copies this spell.)
Pinkie's punch recipes outnumber pony medicine's known remedies.
"Cupcakes" 1U
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on "Cupcakes".
Sacrifice "Cupcakes": Each player draws X cards, where X is the number of verse counters on "Cupcakes".
"Mmm, instructive!"
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Try Everything 2U
Enchantment
Whenever you activate an activated ability of a creature, if it isn't a mana ability, you may pay 1. If you do, draw a card, then discard a card.
The foundation of the Crusade is trial and error. Mostly error.
Cutie Mark Crusade 3U
Enchantment
At the beginning of each end step, if you activated any combination of activated abilities that weren't mana abilities three or more times this turn, put a quest counter on Cutie Mark Crusade.
Whenever you activate an activated ability, if it isn't a mana ability and Cutie Mark Crusade has four or more quest counters on it, you may copy that ability. You may choose new targets for the copy.
Tinkering Horologist 3U
Creature — Pony Artificer
3UU, T, Tap five untapped artifacts you control: Transform Tinkering Horologist.
"Let's get this out of the way: I'm not an alien, I don't have a magic blue box, and I'm not looking for new companions. Now, how can I help you?"
1/3
"John Smith", Gallopfreyan
(GU) Legendary Creature — Pony Wizard
If "John Smith", Gallopfreyan would be destroyed, regenerate it.
Skip your combat phase.
At the beginning of each end step, if it's not your turn, take an extra turn after this one.
"Rule One: The Doctor lies."
—Minuette, temporal operative
2/5
Overloaded Saddlebags 3UU
Sorcery
Each player draws seven cards.
"Sorry my sister tried to scam you. Here's some apples."
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Cloud of Sorrow 5U
Creature — Elemental
Flying
1U: Target creature gets -2/-0 until end of turn.
"A bad day's like a dinner bell for these things. They come drifting out of the Everfree and start literally raining on everypony's parade. Jerks."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
3/4
Flaunt It 2B
Enchantment
Whenever you activate an activated ability of a creature, if isn't a mana ability, you may pay B. If you do, each opponent loses 1 life.
"I'm special. They aren't. Why shouldn't I rub it in their muzzles?"
—Diamond Tiara
Adoring Fanfilly 1R
Creature — Pegasus Child
As long as you control a legendary creature, Adoring Fanfilly has haste. If that creature is named Rainbow Dash, Adoring Fanfilly gets +1/+1 and has first strike.
"If I'm lucky, I may be half as cool as her one day."
2/1
Hard Sell 1RR
Instant
Counter target spell unless its controller has Hard Sell deal 5 damage to him or her.
"Are you really, really sure?"
Roller Rabble 2R
Creature — Pony Warrior
Trample
"Six ponies enter, three ponies leave. The other three leave after the pizza party."
3/1
Scorched Cupcakes 2R
Enchantment
Whenever a player gains life, you may pay R. If you do, Scorched Cupcakes deals 3 damage to that player.
"What's with everypony? These are crunchtacular!"
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Hornpoint Striker 3R
Creature — Unicorn
First strike
R, T: Hornpoint Striker deals 1 damage to target creature or player.
Unicorn horns are naturally dull. It takes a special blend of vanity and aggression to keep one honed to needle-like sharpness.
2/1
Cheery Tutor GG
Sorcery
Search your library for a Pony, Pegasus, or Unicorn card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library.
Hoofcraft — If you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns, instead search your library for a creature or tribal card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library.
Assert Superiority 2G
Instant
Target creature has base power and toughness X/Y until end of turn, where X is the greatest power among creatures on the battlefield plus 1 and Y is the greatest toughness among those creatures plus 1.
"How can you be better than everypony else if nopony's there to see you?"
—Diamond Tiara
Ponyville Vintner 3G
Creature — Pony
Whenever you gain life, you may untap and transform Ponyville Vintner.
"The best vintages are those meant to be savored and shared rather than chugged down alone. Not that those don't have their own charms."
1/4
Unruly Oenophile
(R) Creature — Pony Berserker
First strike, trample
Unruly Oenophile attacks each turn if able.
When Unruly Oenophile attacks, transform it at end of combat.
"I swear to the drunk I'm not princess."
4/1
Unlimited Potential 3G
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control with no abilities.
"Every seed is an orchard waiting to happen."
—Apple family proverb
Hang Glider 1
Artifact — Equipment
Whenever equipped creature attacks, it gains flying until end of turn.
Equip 1
"Pegasi don't have exclusive rights to the sky."
—Cherry Berry, aviatrix
Merchant's Apron 2
Artifact — Equipment
Any player may activate equipped creature's activated abilities and may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to pay the activation costs of those abilities.
3: Attach Merchant's Apron to target creature. Any player may activate this ability, but only any time that player could cast a sorcery.
Futile Effort 1(wu)(wu)
Instant
All permanents and players gain protection from target spell's name until end of turn.
"The laws of magic have few absolutes, but they are there, and trying to charge through them will just leave you with an aching horn."
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Fashion Disaster 1GW
Instant
Destroy all Auras and Equipment.
"We do not talk about the Eighties."
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Ace Racqueteer 2UR
Creature — Pony Spellshaper
UR, T, Discard a card: Change the target of target spell with a single target.
"You just got served."
2/2
Apprentice Cinfectioners and Scorched Cupcakes is a nasty little combo there.
Clarification on John Smith's text: do you skip your combat phase no matter what, when you regenerate John Smith, or when you take an extra turn?
2306683
One I hadn't even noticed. But you know what they say, beware geeks bearing gifts.
2306727
So long as you control "John," you don't get any combat phases. A bit bothersome, yes, but that's what happens when you ask for the help of one of the staunchest pacifists in existence. (And last I checked, there were no Daleks in Magic.)
2307088 I'm okay with that. Especially since I somehow managed to pull off a BW draft deck that gave me lots of life and stalls when I got creature-screwed in the pulls last friday.
2307088 Phyrexia combines the methods of the Borg ("You will be assimilated. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile.") with the endless rage and hate of the Daleks. The Borg are more a force of nature than an enemy: they just do what they do with no emotion behind it. Daleks and Phyrexians, on the other hand, feel an intense and deeply personal hate for every being who stands in their way.
I too have a bit of a problem with the use of "flank" for the location of the cutie-mark. "Art of the dress" was anatomically correct... .
Why does ""John Smith", Gallopfreyan" gain Green? Extra turns and skipping the combat step are not green. If anything it'd be more white. But I still think mono blue. And the M:tG keyword "Regenerate" is just too spot on to not use.
I think you might want to have "Adoring Fanfilly" read, on a separate line from the hast granting. "If you control a legendary creature with "Rainbow Dash" in it's name Adoring Fanfilly gets +1/+1 and has first strike." Because I think you're RD card was named "Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty" and that wouldn't 'turn on' the ability because the name isn't "Rainbow Dash".
As for "Hard Sell" red doesn't counter cards, it redirects them, save for some very small blue hate. And even so it can only redirect instants or sorceries. But the "Do X unless someone takes Y damage" is red, and something I want to see more of. So I'd say make it "RR - Choose new targets for target instant or sorcery spell you don't control unless that spell's controller has Hard Sell deal 5 damage to him or her."
"Merchant's Apron" is interesting. Very interesting.
Just to really drive it home I think "Futile Effort" should be "All permanents and players gain protection from target spell's name until end of turn."
I think "Ace Racqueteer"'s flavor text should be "You just got swerved."
There was a missing "the" at one point while I was transcibing these to my collection of your cards, but it seems to have been fixed since I started. However, Scorched Cupcakes' flavour text has a period at the end of "Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter," which no other card's has.
2307930
There's a lot of stuff the "Do X unless someone takes Y damage" can make happen that Red normally can't do, like Browbeat letting you draw three cards without making you discard first.
2307188
Well, Blackrexia hates. Bluerexia is analytically detached, Whiterexia pities the incompleat, Greenrexia just hungers, and Redrexia doesn't know what its emotions are doing. Mainly because it actually has emotions, and tries to distract itself from them by focusing on work.
But yeah, Phyrexia Classic is definitely Dalekian in attitude.
2308025
Fixed the period. Thanks as always.
2307930
You answered your own question on the Doctor. The green is for the Mossbridge Troll regeneration.
I made sure to double-check the relevant Friendship is Card Games. Dash has no embellishment in her name.
Re: Hard Sell: Molten Influence.
I adjusted Futile Effort as per your recommendation.
I wanted the reference on Ace Racqueteer to be a little subtle.
2308819 Oh jeeze, now I'm thinking of Daleks vs Phyrexia.
2309192
Well, if the Phyrexians manage to hit the Daleks with Glistening Oil, everything loses.
2309500 The Daleks have been shown to self terminate if they become impure, even if they're flat out winning! In addition, they travel in vacuume sealed mini-tanks. Oil is useles here. Their only option is to kill the Dalek in straight forward combat.
2309663
True. Though Glistening Oil can infect machinery as much as organics (as evidenced by the Myr, Memnarch, and Karn, at the very least), so the Dalek shell would become infected and eventually start to infect the Dalek mutant itself.
But then, as you say, the Dalek would self-destruct. Which means that Phyrexia would then bring more Oil to bear to try and infect as many Daleks into self-destructing as possible, turning the tide of battle. Especially since the self-destruct would likely cause the Oil to scatter across the battlefield, infecting more Daleks in the process.
But then, there's the shield that, at the very least, new series Daleks have that could block out the Oil.
Unless Phyrexia puts it in traps that the Daleks would have to pass over/through instead, making the Oil not quite as offensive a weapon as before and thus less likely to be shielded against.
2308819
Well I feel a bit silly about questioning the green on "John" now... .
Wasn't sure on Dash's name. The wording just feels wonky to me, not really sure how to explain it sadly enough.
Molten Influence still only targets instants and sorceries. Red, like black, is supposed to have trouble dealing with enchantments, save for a lucky shot with a "random destruction" effect. I don't think adding an extra "R" to the cost warrants giving a red mage a means of countering an enchantment, let alone adding an extra point of damage on top of it.
Izzet are not very subtle. Too many explosions.
2309716 Daleks implode when they self-destruct. In addition, Daleks can fly. Otherwise the greatest evil in the universe could be defeated by stairs.
2310247
Except for the Dalek in the Asylum, who attempted to use his self-destruct to kill the Doctor (who then switched his Forward/Reverse and sent him into a room full that he took out with his explosion). And even if the Daleks can fly, in order to get into certain areas of New Phyrexia to exterminate them (if we're doing a total war situation, rather than a simple skirmish) there would be very cramped corridors the Daleks can't just fly through to avoid everything.
Regardless, I'm not sure if Fan is amused or what about our Evil vs. Evil discussion, so we should probably say the Daleks win and let it rest.
2311019 What? No, I was pro-Phyraxia, I just didn't think it would be the rofl stomp you seemed to be implying. What do you mean the Daleks win? You've been arguing against them the whole time, I only provided the defense to show they had at least a fighting chance! Phyraxia would totally win in the end.
2311019
2311862
Your both thinking about it wrong. It doesn't matter who wins, since the end result is that the rest of the multiverse being completely doomed.
Also given the Kepler equation do you share my belief that Pony education is much more advanced than ours? And with the cute/quincinera thing, that cutecentisis occurs around puberty age?
3270766
Cutiesynthesis is generally seen as part of puberty, yes. As for the education system, I think it isn't so much more advanced as having different priorities. Orbital mechanics are going to seem a lot more relevant in a country ruled by a pony who incorporates them into her job description. It's also possible that Cheerilee wrote it on the board as part of an explanation of "lies to foals" and why they had to start simple.
3270826 Well think of the foundations that need to be taught before you're able to have orbital physics understood. All of that by... fifth grade?
I have been having fun reading the flavour of a lot of these Season 1 cards. Weather Team Cloudchaser was a very satisfying combination of references. But the flavour text on Overloaded Saddlebags had me giggling helplessly at my desk for quite a few seconds. Lovely reference.