Another Idea...WHY?!

Ok, the next chapter of The Thousand Year Change is taking longer because I am working extra hard on it and I don't have a lot of free time to write right now. I am going to a boot camp class in an attempt to lose 50 pounds, trying to get some reading done, working two jobs, and helping my dad fix his boat deck. So...yeah.

Anyways, my girlfriend is getting into steampunk and I have to admit that it looks pretty interesting. As we were looking at some outfits I, sadly, got another idea for a story that I can't get out of my head. Basically, Twilight never got her castle at the end of Twilight's Kingdom. Instead, she will be asked to take over one of the neighboring kingdoms. It is a land that for almost a thousand years has been hidden by fog only to reveal a nation of steampunk bat ponies whose royal siblings nearly destroyed with their bickering. Can Twilight find it within herself to rule over them, leave her friends and Ponyville, stop a Diamond Dog invasion?

Let me know what you all think.

Comments

[THEJOKER96ITALIA]

I say no, and I'll explain why:

see you were doing a story dedicated to the lunar republic, Equestria and Bat Pony.

With the arrival of griffins and buffaloes have already crossed the line that did not have to go through .... but you did it well. you have been good to integrate them into the story, of course we did not see the reaction of the griffins in the presence of Bat Pony .... but it is another matter.

Now, put a kingdom of which have not seen even the shadow from the beginning is not good, in my opinion.

an account is a diplomatic issue between the two kingdoms, but the appearance of one out of nothing is too strange.

obviously this is my idea. You're free to follow your own, and so on ... but if I can give you an idea:

how about you get to bring up the empire crystal?

I saw that Blueblood going to have the lunar republic ... but it seems too reckless.

so I thought I could bring up the empire of glass and since Equestria (for some reason) do not think we can take care of the republic with his armies.

seeing reports of their spies, Celstia and nobles are afraid of the power of lunar republic and Blueblood decided to change tactics.

ovviamenet is my idea. you are free to follow or not.

however my answer is the same: no, too weird a kingdom out of nowhere.

P.S. I use Google Translate.

[Ebonysdagger]

Sounds interesting to me personally. I'm all for stories where Twilight winds up with her own kingdom to run and, let's be honest, steampunk suits Twi quite well. (As does super future tech for that matter.) My only real question to this idea is why would this kingdom, almost destroyed by its own royal siblings, accept rule from an outsider?

[Darthvalgaav]

2280641

Well the idea is that there is too much infighting between the noble classes and nothing is getting done. The previous king feared something like this might happened but hoped his children could work together. Still, in case his worst fear came true, he left instructions for one of his advisors to go to Equestria and ask for Princess Luna to rule them. Sadly, Luna doesn't feel like she is the best pony for the job and suggests that Twilight do it.

One of the big parts of this story will be Twilight trying to become accepted as a ruler becuase, like you said, she's an outsider.

Again, this is still a work in progess.

[Nessos25]

instead of going to a bootcamp tell you friends and family they are allowed to hit you in your balls (not to hard) every time you eat something unhealthy and after a few times you won`t even think about that stuff anymore.

[SageBrony07]

I say go for it. I can only tell you if, I like it, if I read a chapter or 2.

[thewookie1]

Seems a tad farfetched. The Steampunk idea sounds interesting; but both separating the Mane 6 and having a kingdom sorta just pop up seems a tad farfetched.

2280869

This sounds far more mendable.

Here's my proposal:

Upon the ending S4 she gains a castle, however no kingdom thus leaving her still as the only Princess without a "Kingdom" per-say. (Luna technically rules along with Celestia)

Thus in comes the new kingdom, a distant Equestrian backed territory across the sea with fascinating technologies (steampunk). 55% bat ponies, 10% pegasi 10% unicorns 25% earth ponies. (Some of the other kinds show bat ear-esc mutations due to inter-race breeding) In this no nonsense industrialized state, friendship is a rarity, the battle between the four noble families has created bitter divides in the populace along with demands for democracy by the many tired of the fighting. Meanwhile just over the mountains to the east lies the threatening Red Claws, a war hungry state of mainly diamond dogs whom has been torching towns all across that continent for years. The mountains have protected the pony state for now, however rumors now circulate that the Red Claws are planning a way around the mountainous barrier to attack their capital and its suburbs. Thus creating paranoia in the populace as well.

What draws Twilight and company into this mess is the assassination of their present king whom due to his Equestrian ties was able to keep some control over the four noble families; now time is of the essence as the four families feuding worsens due to they each blame the others and war may be around the corner.

With friendship being crucial to long term stability, Celestia tasks her former apprentice with her toughest challenge yet.

[Darthvalgaav]

2282252

Really? A kingdom appearing out of nowhere seems a bit farfetched? Crystal Empire anyone?

And it doesn't just appear. Think more like Pandaria, a land covered by mist and fog the keeps inturders out created by an important historical figure in pony history. I was even thinking about giving this land an important secret as well as coming up with a new origin story for the bat ponies.

This story also gives me a chance to fix some of the mistakes I made in the Thousand Year Change. Like overpowering a nation.

[Raistlin]

If you go on with this story, make sure the characters are more fleshed out, and the sides of the conflict are more balanced and well-represented.

[Darthvalgaav]

2283771

If I do this story is still up for debate. I have, however, been making notes on several character ideas. I already know who the villian is going to be as well as back story and motivation. Another character I have come up with is named Wild Theory who is a scientist who keeps coming to the castle asking for funding for his theories that nopony really takes seriously. Personality wise, he's a bit like Pinkie Pie in that he's almost always happy, upbeat, and bouncing on the walls.

[Darthvalgaav]

2282252

I am also, personally, against having the mane six seperated. However, it would be very difficult to bring them all with Twilight. Think about it, would Applejack really leave Sweet Apple Acres? Would Pinkie Pie leave the twins and the Cakes? Would Rainbow Dash give up on her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt. They will all be able to visit at the very least.

[thewookie1]

2282544

The Crystal Empire caught flak as it is, so I'd try and not use the sudden appearance idea. Partially that is why I came up with the location of the country being a great distance away thus being very much like the Crystal Empire in little is known by the ponies, but in this case its been there and is known of just not real feasible to make a round trip all that often.

2284035

I'd have them go with her, but have the task take longer than expected thus forcing her friends to return home without her. Her presence is meant to be temporary at first, but things could change....

You could include the fog as well, as I stated in my ideas; their country is paranoid about an invasion by some unknown means thus bringing about the pseudo city-state's classic defensive fog in order to prevent naval or aerial assault.

[BureYaAkili]

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6b/Steam_detectives_manga_02_cover.jpg
I read this blog post.
And the only thing going through my head was steam detectives.
Check out the manga and you'll understand

[pendrake72]

2283994
2284574
2283771

1. First off, never a need to apologize for keeping Real Life in first priority. Real Life first, indulging in brony-dom second. {For me is more like 6th-7th, which is one of the major reasons I cannot commit to fan-fiction writing of my own. }

2. Steampunk... Ho ho... Another subject I can provide fluent input upon, for I am a long-time Steampunk fan & enthusiast. You are welcome to tap me for thoughts and insights in that genre.

3. Taking some broad cues from Raistlin and thewookie1, here is another thought & suggestion: No Princess Twilight, no Elements of Harmony, no princesses, and barely even Equestria. Try a clean slate for characters, using only races and elements (note: small "e") from the MLP-verse. You want to use a separate & independent setting, so take the bolder step and go full-out Creative, using a separate & independent OC cast. Equestria and its canon-cast can take a far back seat in the fan-fiction; at most, cameos &/or mentions like Stan Lee in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

4. Containing the story within a separate continent, with no direct Equestria ties, also gives you an (relatively) level playing field to work with as well, no technological dichotomy or vast gap between nations, only within and against each other's factions.

5. Instead of thinking World of Warcraft & Pandaria, I would suggest thinking more Avatar: the Legend of Korra. Have your story within a broad bordered area, rather than needing it to go global.

6. On an off-track & separate note: WoW: Mists of Pandaria expansion saw a great LOSS of its player-base. This was not due to playable pandas, as most think or blandly (&/or ignorantly) state; pandas were just the most visual scapegoat "reason". The loss of many of its long-time player-base was due to several radical gameplay changes (most notably the removal of player-choice from class customization talents), it was simply no longer the game that they had been playing for 8-ish years. {I, for one, did like Pandaria's stories, but I also finally gave up the WoW horse because it was not the gameplay I enjoyed any more.}

7. Try this for an independent Steampunk continent setting...

The continent of [LAND NAME] lies far, far away from the shores of Equestria. A land of great geologic instability and magmatic activity, its mainlands existing well below the sea level. Constant volcanic activity, mixed with the seawaters always flowing inland make [LAND NAME] a land of eternal mists, ash, and steam.

In the land of [LAND NAME], fresh water, farmable land, and stable living space are valued commodities.

But [LAND NAME] also has its bounty too. Rich in minerals, gems, metals, and even molten earth to build with. Plentiful geothermal and steam power throughout the land to be easily tapped into. With these factors, technology has taken a different path by leaps and bounds than that of idyllic Equestria.

Here, water barons hold the power of life & death over many. Here, the precious farmlands are as much as fortresses, transporting foodstuffs via tesla-rail. Here, the rich and powerful live above the ground, in soaring aero-towns and gleaming sky-cities.

Here, there is also war.

Since the assassination of its last king (or queen) and the mass-murder of the Royal House, the various nobles houses wage unrelenting war across [LAND NAME] for dominance. Alliances are made and broken, with lives spent like pawns on a chessboard. The skies rage with conflict between great airships and whizzing ornithopters, raining down destruction and debris upon the surface-bound folk. Commoner ponies and their homes are ground beneath the treads of steam-tanks, or forcibly conscripted into service as cannon fodder. Now, with Diamond Dog hordes ravaging and pillaging [LAND NAME] without united opposition, the land and its ponies upon it suffers like it has never before, crying out for salvation.

And that cry is heard.

An alicorn of fire and earth, one that once ruled [LAND NAME] in ancient times, but left it to be governed by its own, has been roused from his long slumber beneath the flows of magma of [LAND NAME]. Now, the woken alicorn looks upon the nation he founded with a Fury as hot as Molten lava, seeing it ripping itself apart over a wars of arrogance and avarice, while being stripped bare by barbaric mongrels. Desiring to act, but greatly weakened from his long sleep and abrupt awakening; sharp intelligence and long wisdom, yet a pony centuries out of his time. Simple practicality dictates simple needs: A guide to the changed lands in his absence. A touchstone to the times he has awakened into. A guardian, to protect him as much as guide him, while his strength and power recovers.

A guide, such as a young earth pony mare, whip-smart, street-smart, whose heart's desire is to be an Aeronaut.

A touchstone, such a graceful unicorn countess of a minor noble house, often derided for "caring too much about the commoner rabble".

A guardian, such as a one of the last surviving Royal Guards officers of the slain king, stealthy as a Shadow and skilled in combat, be it with hoof or Blade.

To save his little ponies, to redeem the land, and to restore harmony to [LAND NAME], the returning king of old will need more than just allies...

...he will need friends.

See the things I did...?

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

8. Also, for you and your girlfriend, one of the foremost and longest-running Steampunk-themed web-comics (but far from the only one): Girl Genius