Jul
1st
2014
House Sparkle 13... or what I did so far, dood. · 1:47am Jul 1st, 2014
I have.... written about 5k words of House Sparkle that involves a lot of the stuff I said in my previous post and some other stuff... So now I'm asking for opinions, dood. Sort of a 'Tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it before I make too much of a mess' kind of thing, dood.
Send me a PM if you want a link to the chapter itself via google.docs, dood.
(EDIT: I... guess I can let people see the mess that is salty Spike if you want to... all that's left for that is a Pinkie Pie on Spike scene then an orgy of Futa on Futa or Futa on male sex, dood... I can't promise it won't make you vomit and stop following my stupidity, dood.)
I think this a "no duh" sort of moment with me for House Sparkle. PM away, dude.
I finished reading the chapter. Overall it was good the plot is really coming along nicely and the history was enjoyable as well, really gave me a feel on what happen in their world. I sorta expected Applejack to do something when she met one of the flim flam brother's. Anyway the only problems i could find was the excess of commas in the end of the sentences instead of the period, as well as a very few misspelled words, wasn't really sure if you were doing that on purpose. But those where the only things i could find. Maybe you should ask Wrabbit, refferee, or James Rye they could find things that i might've missed.
2249413 Actually, I was often told that I need to end dialogue that would continue into "x said." with a comma, dood.
Example: "Man, I wish Twilight would just grow a dick and fuck her friends, dood," Fusion Fool sighed.
I was told this because the sentence didn't actually end yet and it continued to who said it, dood.
2250697
I'll look it over today, though.
This is correct. He may have been talking about your tendency to create run-on sentences with commas.