Fic recs, June 24th · 6:35pm Jun 24th, 2014
My outlook for Obs' contest is not great. :/ I decided to switch stories last night, with four days left, because the thing I'd been working on this whole time just wasn't going anywhere. No idea how I'll get around to reading all the entries. Had some important stuff to go over today, so journal time.
H: 0 R: 2 C: 0 V: 2 N: 2
First, finishing off my review of FuzzyFurvert's Twilight’s Monster: I compared this to ToixStory’s work last time, and it truly is like Reach, set in a wayward Equestria trying to regain something it never knew it was missing. The scenario that leads to this bleak world is actually really awesome, and lifts this above the “read if you like AUs” recommendation. That said, the romance is a little rushed, definitely not as well thought-out as the world itself. I also felt like Twilight accusing her colleagues of being poor scientists for their superstitions was a little hypocritical, given that she’s no better at science, given how quickly she gets involved with a research subject. Still, this piece’s strength is in the recognizability of the characters, not to mention the ways in which the author twists Equestria. Twilight’s Monster is now Recommended. And I think that’s the first post-Incomplete recommendation I’ve done, so we’ll keep to this kind of format. I’ll delete the old entry in my spreadsheet and move it down to this date, while leaving the original review intact.
I Look Into the Flames and See by Tramper
Reading by Goombasa
Genre: Time Travel
This story almost immediately turned me off in a small way by having an aging alicorn Twilight be super-focused on her legacy. It just doesn’t seem to be the sort of thing that she would worry about, and given that there are a whole two mentions of her friends in the piece, it made her character feel off. Worse, Spike is shown as still baby-sized, despite fifty years having passed, running Ponyville’s library and generally acting bitter and not like he and Twilight ever had any particular kind of relationship. Judging by the cover art, I expected that the central “travel to future” plot would allow Twilight to mend her friendship with a full-grown Spike; instead, the theme of worth ends up being the focus. Admittedly, it makes for some good world-building, and Twilight learns that, yes, she will be remembered two thousand years in the future, bringing the plot full-circle. It’s just a shame that the author chose to wreck Twilight’s relationship with Spike in order to get to that point. If you’re not a big stickler for Twilight/Spike acting a particular way toward each other, all you’ll have to deal with is some telling, mostly unnecessary referents (calling Twilight “the filly” fifty years on seems untoward). Otherwise, feel free to pass this up.
Vaguely Recommended
The Drunken Ramblings of Vinyl Record Scratch by The Princess Rarity and RushingAutumnLeaves
Reading by TheLostNarrator, et. al.
Reading by Astro-Brony
Genre: Comedy
This story is very University Days, at least by dint of Vinyl and Octavia being in a relationship and having cellphones for no reason. There’s a great narrative gimmick in this: a series of voice messages left on Octavia’s phone tell the story of Vinyl’s drunken escapades through downtown Manehattan. Unfortunately, I can sum up this story’s problem in two words: tone issues. See, I love drunken humor; people getting sloshed and doing stupid shit because they’re drunk is funny to me, and I could have dug this. But right off the bat, I was questioning just how strong their relationship actually was when Octavia refused to pick Vinyl up from the bar. I mean, all sorts of awful scenarios played through my head of what might happen to Vinyl if she were left to her own devices while drunk in the middle of a large city. I was able to shrug them off with a sense of, “Oh, well, it’s Equestria, stuff like that doesn’t happen there.” But then Vinyl makes a joke about possibly being mugged or raped if Octavia doesn’t pick her up, and the bubble burst. Along with another offhand comment about Neon Lights maybe having slipped something into her drink, this story is the most tasteless thing I have ever read on this site, and just think of how many trollfics I’ve read. Plus, the whole time I was thinking, “They shouldn’t even be friends, let alone marefriends. Who goes back to sleep when their drunk friend says they need a lift?” and there’s a really misused cameo by Pinkie Pie. This story self-destructs in every possible way and ruins what could otherwise have been a cleverly-told comedy.
Not Recommended
A Hell of a Time by Aragon
Reading by Astro-Brony
Reading by immunetogravity57
Genre: Comedy
I was called out to review this, and while it might seem like stroking my ego is a good way to get your story reviewed early, honestly my only wish is to make dreams come true. :V This is a humorous look at what happens to the three lesser Princesses after their banishment to Tartarus by Tirek. Let’s be real: this is not high comedy. It’s mostly laughing at Cadence’s pain, something I am entirely fond of doing. Luna is hilarious, despite being just this side of spouting fandom memes the entire time. Her interaction with Celestia is fraught with ignored character, but I think we know by now that I approve of such things when done in the name of humor. The author does a good job of keeping things escalating while using perfectly-timed call-backs and mocking the finale. I just laughed a whole lot like an idiot at this thing.
MEH
I mean
Recommended
Eggheads by TwilightClopple
Mature: Sex
Genre: PWP
This is one of the hokiest clopfics I’ve ever read. All it needs is a pizza delivery guy and a saxophone, if you get my drift. It’s just a huge ball of ridiculous coincidences and blurtings-out of sensitive information built around getting Rainbow and Twilight in the sack. It’s kinda hot, but it’s really stupid and only someone with a healthy appreciation for transparent clop is going to enjoy this. Disregarding the various typos, of course.
Vaguely Recommended
127 Pets by SpitFlame
Reading (part 1) by TheEnderBrony
Reading by Ender
Genre: 127 Hours Ponification
I never saw the movie this is based on, but I know the story it is based on, so not much in this fic surprised me. I was mostly just waiting for the “big moment” to happen and cringing at the foreshadowing centered around the knife. So with that said, I can’t tell you how original this is, though from a look at the movie’s synopsis on Wikipedia, this sounds like a note-for-note remake of the main section. Unfortunately, what really sinks this is the writing. It’s not particularly effective — save when describing the gory bits in closeup detail; and on that note, I’ve never seen a non-romance fic with this much saliva in it — filled with poor word choices and homunculisms. And while they were part of the movie, the flashbacks in the story don’t stick around long enough to really have any effect on the narrative (not to mention, we already know Rainbow; that narrative technique is far better used with someone we’ve only just met). I can't say it's a terribly good ponification, either. It stars Rainbow Dash, yes, and she gets a wing caught under a boulder, but her friends never even try to look for her, and she has a plastic water bottle and a camera. The camera could have been completely done away with, since it really doesn’t have much use in the narrative (you’d think the story would be told via video diary, but we just spend the time watching Rainbow Dash narrate into it). Not to mention the ‘real’ ending is ridiculous, and definitely not the place to have departed from the source material. You’d likely have a better time just watching the movie, since that at least is based on a real story.
Not Recommended
See, the problem is 127 Pets is written by SpitFlame. I usually dislike ad hominem, and SpitFlame is one of those few writers whose writing is EXACTLY like their personality. And that's not a good thing.
I'm still excited over Twilight's Monster!
Or something, but whatever it is involves exclamation points.
Top billing in a Presentperfect review bog? Now I KNOW I've hit the big times!
In all seriousness thought, thank you for the review! I agree with you on the pacing of the romance-y section. It was far too quick. I almost dropped it entirely but my own internal bias toward the ship had me keep it in. Twilight's hypocritical stance comes through, I think, because I only alluded to her being a genius and savant that the Solar Council has employed in - presumably - earlier magical emergencies.
Hopefully the side stories I am planning will flesh her out more to show her skills in the sciences and her dealing with a sudden interest in dark colored alicorns.
Seriously, thanks!
The comparison to Reach gives me pause, because the reveal near the end completely destroyed any goodwill that I built up for that story. It was a bubble-bursting moment like that one you described in Drunken Ramblings. But up until then it was a pretty good yarn, and I'm curious to see what Twilight's Monster does.
What's a "homonculism"? Google has failed me.
2231066
Perhaps it is the collision of the words "homonym" and "homunculus" to mean something along the lines of "a small representation of (i.e.: few) homonyms?"
Given the context of it's usage here, I would assume something like that.
2231066
2231290
It's my own neologism! :D (Thanks for confirming that, horizon!) I use it to describe writing wherein body parts are the actors. For instance, in 127 Pets, there's a spot where Rainbow Dash's legs "used their elbows to support her body". No, she's using her elbows to support her body, the legs are not acting on their own! Common homunculisms tend to involve the eyes roving, rolling, spinning, or any number of other extra-corporeal actions, all on their own. It's amazing what some characters' bodies can do!
Oh my Jesus, man
Anyway, thanks for the review! Apparently reviewers like to be aknowledged? Because both you and City of Doors are clearly messing with me here : P Glad you liked it, tho.
And I actually read another SpitFlame fic. Something about an adventure, I don't remember the title. It mostly had the same issues you point out here -- it's supposed to be inspired by Tolkien's work, but it's just a re-telling of the exact same scenes with different characters (the M6 with different names, for some reason). It was very forgettable.
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I wouldn't have done it if Griffin hadn't started it. :V
2231797
I was loopy from staying up for far too long at a stretch and writing it with no inhibitions, what's your excuse?
2231813
I'm a sucker for in-jokes. :B
I feel as if you were too generous. 127 Pets deserves something worse than "Not Recommended". But in all honesty, I'm pretty much done with re-tells and whatnot, and I'm really not too fond of 127 Pets itself.
2230747
Exactly like my personality? Wait, so I enjoy gore and saliva, and I'm incapable of understanding the human (err, equine) anatomy?
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Eh, I tried making a lower recommendation once, but no one was up for it. Wouldn't have given it to this story, though, it was just the regular old kind of "didn't work". :B