The State Of The Unicorn · 2:13am Jun 22nd, 2014
First, I want to say that I am sorry to my friends here, who worry for me. I've been very distant and closed-off for some time now, and I still am to a great degree... but maybe that needs to change just a little. My friend Midnight Shadow is courageous enough to talk about himself and his life here, so that is what inspired this blog post.
I haven't wanted to say anything about my life currently, because of three reasons. One is that I don't want to be seen as a whiner. Another is that I am embarrassed by how messed up I am. And another is just pure and simple depression. Depression is pretty powerful.
My family has to move. Some of you know that, because you have asked me during times when I had enough inside to respond at all. Moving is hard on anyone.
For the past eleven years, I have lived in a marvelous, magnificent home. The only house I have ever liked, much less loved, in my life. I was under the belief that it would be the last house I would ever live in - that I could stay here until the day I died. The house is literally one-of-a-kind. It was a show-home for a failed housing development that failed.
It likely failed because the houses were too nice.
As I type this, I sit under massive golden beams of wood buttressing my twenty-five-foot high golden plank ceiling. Light streams in from the cathedral windows far, far near the top. In the morning, the light gleams off the solid wood and makes the entire, vast chamber glow with golden light. My room, my 'Uniplex' is thirty-some feet long by twenty wide, and every wall is shelves. I live in a library, only of games and promotional toys (I worked for many years in the software industry) like some game-designing Twilight Sparkle. And that is just my room. On the second floor, up the spiral staircase.
We got it cheap, originally, because nobody wanted it. It was too weird for normal people. Seriously. Yes, the bathroom in my 'Uniplex' has no door, and just opens into the large gallery I am in. Yes, the walkway beyond my door overlooks the rest of the inside of the house like some catwalk within a mad-scientist's lair. Yes, the spiral staircase is like something out of a science-fiction show. And yes, there are no walls but that are covered solidly in shelves.
It's perfect. I love it. Our family are readers. Those shelves are filled with the massive book collections of four people - me, and my three spouses.
I live in a library house.
And I have to lose it.
The one thing I have always wanted, my entire life, was a permanent home. I had to move every three to six months, growing up, because of my father. He made maps for the USGS. Supposedly. It's a weird story. Another time. I never got to have friends I didn't lose, I was lonely all the time, it sucked.
Finally, I have a permanent home, at fifty, and now we have to move. To Oregon.
I was born in Oregon, and I hate it. Loathe it. Despise the state. Admittedly, I only knew eastern Oregon: desert-y, dry, filled with uneducated, narrow-minded conservative, racist bastards who hate everything I love and admire. Had to deal with it every summer, because my mother owned a house in Baker City. It was the only island of security in my constant moving, and I despised it.
We're moving to the Portland area, which I am told, is nice. It's supposed to be 'Seattle Light': liberal, educated, tech-savvy, queer positive, ethnically diverse - everything I like. The problem is that we are not alone.
The reason we have to move is Intel. Intel, the big chip maker (Intel Inside!) made a few stupid moves. They got caught being Microsoft in Europe, buying freedom from competition with payola and ended up fined 1.7 billion dollars. Also, they've somehow managed to overlook how big, universal, monolithic processors for desktop computers aren't the market anymore... and that kinda means they're currently boned. Long story short: they have to get rid of two thirds of their workforce, and they don't want to pay unemployment to anyone.
The answer? Make everybody who works for them move to Portland... or, well, it's your choice if you want to keep working. Brilliant! Screw everyone legally! America! What a country!
And it's going well. They expect to lose 70% of their employees, which will look great on the bottom line. All over the country, though, thousands of people are nevertheless moving to Portland. We have to compete with them. All of them. Thousands, streaming into the areas outside of Portland, small areas, the only areas within commute distance of Intel.
Additionally, Chinese nationals are currently buying up Portland real estate to get their money out of China fast. We lost one house because just such a person came in with a big suitcase full of money and bought the house we were negotiating for - for a 100,000 dollars over the asking price. They took the case. Of money.
We can't match that kind of bullshit!
Portland is three hours from where we live. This has to be done.
We can't find a house we can afford. The prices are insane now. Big housing bubble because of all of this. We can't buy land to build our own house for the same reason. We've been trying since September of last year. The only rental houses are tiny, cramped, piss-pots that we can't fit into without ending up killing each other. But we have no choice. We have to move.
By this upcoming September. Not much time left.
Tomorrow, we drive down, yet again, to check out some unlikely properties - some blank lots, formerly farmland, without sewer, water, or power... and two houses, one located near a sawmill, the other on the runway of an airport. That is how desperate things are getting.
And I sit here, in my dream home, the home I love, the perfect home, which I was promised I could live in for the rest of my life, the home I will lose. Forever.
In my polyamoric family, I am the center. I am the lynchpin, the hetaera, the earthmother who holds it together. I comfort my spouses, I nurture them, I kiss their boo-boos, I listen to their pain. That's my position. It is where I fit best, and I am glad of it, and it is an honor. I am the uberwife. It is a sacred thing.
But, it is also a very demanding thing. I am everybody's comfort. But there is no comfort for me. I can't unload, I can't break down, I can't fail, because if I collapse, everything goes to shit. Seriously, it's happened before - once when my mother died. I just fell apart and so did everything else nearly. Only love kept us together. I herd creative, superintelligent, incredibly driven cats for a living, you see. Without a cat herder... well.
I am vastly well rewarded for an uberwife - don't feel sorry for me on that account. I get all the goodstuff. No complaints there.
It's just that, when things are really tough on everyone, when everyone is openly talking about how tasty a cup of cyanide would be right about now? It's hard. Normally I manage to repair myself, keep myself functioning. That's part of the reason I am what I am in my family. But when it gets this bad... I'm not doing well right now. That's the fact of it. I am not doing well at all.
It's been a hard past two years - two of my spouses nearly died from super-resistant bacteria. One from a burrito, the other from a swimming pool, but in both cases, these people I love more than my own life came within hours of dying. One involved blood everywhere, from every orifice. Everywhere. So much blood.
Don't eat at Taco Time. I mean it. And don't swim at the YWCA.
Then, of course, there was the matter of the Anti-TCB bastards here, destroying my entire genre, then dividing and conquering my writing community - turning many of those I thought my friends against me to save themselves... and ultimately, breaking me. I come here, to Fimfiction, to find safety, community, relief, and friendship. What a maroon, right? What a fucking idiot, right? Am I right? Love and tolerate. Yeah. Sure.
So, I am very damaged, yet it is a time when I am most needed. I am failing. I am falling apart. And I can't, because I have a job to do. I need to be there for my family. And I am doing my best, but... I am not doing well. At all.
The best case scenario, currently, is that we find a house we can stand, somehow, and don't take too much of a financial catastrophe to buy it. If we even can.
We may end up renting a crappy place and living out of boxes for the one to three years it will take for the bubble to burst. Then maybe we can buy a house.
We may, if we are very lucky, manage to buy a chunk of unloved, reject farm land, and over time, develop it. Septic tanks and a well. Get power in somehow. Literally buy the farm.
But whatever happens, it is going to be a move down. Way down. Downscale. And that hurts, real bad, after thirty years of working our asses off to have something decent, finally, after all the suffering and struggle.
My spouses are hurting really bad about this. They are utterly raw. That's why I have to be there. Mommy Jenny, keeping the family going. It is literally my honor. I am grateful to be such, to such wonderful people.
But... I am not doing well.
And that's where I am at, and why I have been so weird lately, so distant, so... unapproachable. It's why I won't skype, or answer emails easily. It's hard just to talk to anyone. It's hard, some days, just to keep breathing. Marvin, from Hitchhiker's is too upbeat for me right now. Bloody party robot.
Well, I've embarrassed myself enough for one blog. Big shithead whinger I am. Whine, whine, whine. "Oh, all I've worked for these thirty years is all going to be lost forever! Oh poor me!" I know, there is no pity on the internet. Only hate, spite, trolls and loathing. And of course 'First World Problem, Chatoyance, losing your home! Some people don't even have homes! Fuck you! Go live in a car, you misanthropic cunt!' Oh, yeah, I expect that too.
But not from everyone, and not from you. Not from you, the ones that still bother to read my blog.
So, anybody know a brilliant home under 350K in the Portland area within 30 minutes of Intel that could house four people? 3 1/2 bathrooms, maybe some space for gardening, no need for proximity to schools or anything else breeders need? A big, big room to use as an Uniplex? Three bedrooms, two offices, kitchen, garage, and utilities room?
No?
Yeah, I know. It's okay. Hey, I'm only fifty-four. I can always just... start over. Even despite my heart condition, I probably still have almost twenty years left.
Do a lot in twenty years. Yeah. A lot.
Like I said. I'm not doing well.
Sorry.
So, that's the story. Now you know.
And knowing is half the battle. The other half involves bullets and explosions. And Michael Bay.
And a goat.
- Chatoyance, June 21st, 2014
All I can offer is my sympathy, which seems kind of pathetic. Still, if you need a place to vent, to decompress, to release a little of the stress that comes from being the center pole of the tent of your life, do it here. Tune out the responses if you want. Heck, if you feel the blogs are too whiny, don't even post them. But at the very least, type out the stressors.
I wish as much luck as you can get in this bullshit situation. I realize how pitifully unhelpful that is, but it's all I can do. Sorry.
Well, in trying to be helpful... Zillow has this house in the same zip code as Intel's new Beaverton place for about 90% of your max asking price. Quarter acre lot, five bedroom. No interior pictures, however. (I also looked at the Craigslist for Portland, but that seems to be far more 'corporate' than zillow, when normally Zillow is normally commercial. Odd.)
And as to that house... it made me very nostalgic of a similar apartment in Kansas City. I've made it my life's goal to get back into that apartment. I hope, someday when fortune shifts the other way, your library home returns to you.
I had a good job, decent home... Company got bought by a big fish... and was promptly gobbled whole. I still am not even at 1/3 of my old income, since 2009. I lost my home. I feel for you. Been there.
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Looking at that Zillow listing, I'd vote for that myself. It's in foreclosure, too, so you could probably ask for 315 or 320 and they'd take it. I'll be sending you a PM too, Chat, with a bit more info.
You have my sympathy. I wish you luck in the house search. Are you working with a realtor? I saw some good listings on Zillow like
http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/4413-SE-131-Pl-Portland-OR-97294/2106498921_zpid/
http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2315-SE-157th-Ave-Portland-OR-97233/53861989_zpid/
http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/6826-SE-Reedway-St-Portland-OR-97206/53971082_zpid/
I hope everything settles down for you all soon.
Well that fucking sucks.
Now that THAT'S all out of the way...
I know you're still wracked by the Intel thing, and I don't know your exact situation. Still... is there a possibility of Not!Intel? Somewhere else that's more reasonable financially? I'm a generation younger than you, so the idea that you have to work for the same company after a move is laughable to me.
And if you need to break just a teeniest, tiniest, little bit in ways you'll never admit to the people closest to you my PM box is open to you. I haven't been exactly where you are, but having everyone disintegrate around you while you try to play the peacekeeper and point of wisdom and stability? Been there.
You can mourn your home. You should. But the idea that you were promised a place, much less a perfect place, that would be stable forever is ridiculous. In the end, what's the most stable thing you created inside of those four walls? Bet it wasn't your book collection. And I bet it isn't something that's going away when you move, either. Life changes under you all the time in ways that completely defy sense. Which, again, sucks. But how many times have you ended up in a place like you're in right now, and recovered? What's one more?
Yeah, your spouse nearly died. And then they didn't. And then your other spouse was so inconsiderate as to almost die as well. But they didn't. And right now you sound like your life is so uprooted you won't ever recognize the place you end up landing, and you'll just die. Guess what? I don't think you will either. Because you're actually quite strong. I hope you know that. I know, because I've pissed you off in the past and reaped the rather terrifying rewards. No, really, you decide to make something your target? You destroy it. You wreck it. You own it. So while I don't know exactly what the rest of the year holds for you, I'm quite confident that you'll deal with it. And even better, embrace it and make it your own.
Again, I'm around if you want advice. Not necessarily good advice, but at least a fresh perspective.
I believe that, over a long enough course, life shows patterns that can almost look like poetry. I think it's poetic to return to your homeland to begin a reconquest and purge it of all the bad things that happened to you there. Please remember that a home is not a matter of walls and roof but of love, and I think you have that. You will be in my prayers (which all go to alicorn goddesses) and my thoughts.
You won't be disappointed about the populace of Portland. Some awesome people here. At least, there are some awesome people east of the Beaverton ridge and west of the War Veterans Memorial Freeway. (Seriously that freeway is like whack; someone needs to demolish it and throw a finger to the car culture.) You will be disappointed by the housing situation though. It's not that there are bad houses here. There's just no topping a gem like that one you came upon. Stupid corporations!
Anyway your house will relatively suck, possibly even objectively. The corporation has already swung its cudgel through your economy, are going to steal your house and shove you across the country. As much as I'd love to get justice and shaft them, it's probably a better choice for you to move than for you to try to fight the banks for your house and find another job nearby. Your house might suck. That doesn't change the fact that the best thing you can do now is work to recover, and search for ways to prevent this from happening again. Don't off yourself, don't stress about it, all you have to do now is look for opportunity. Anyone who expects you to do more can get stuffed.
Sometimes I suspect that there is a strong corellation between a dry climate and people who are closed minded, absolutist and cruel to each other. It sure would explain the last 2000 years in the Arabic mideast. (lol no, like half of Iraq is a swamp) Eastern Oregon is sadly in the clutches of fundamentalist totalitarians, so people there are going to be made horrible by design, but something seems to keep them in check around Portland area, so decent people can live here just fine. You won't only have assholes to interact with. There's 15 churches per square mile here, but if you look at any populated area in the entire nation, even the crazy fundie ones, that density remains remarkably consistent throughout the nation. I can't explain why here they keep to themselves, and don't run this town, whereas other places they form roving mobs to go after heathens and people with dark skin. But they do, and so you should be fine as far as citizenry is concerned.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/16/375585/full.png
Portland, as a city, is nice; I'm cautiously optimistic that you'll eventually find some kindred spirits there. Loosing the house sucks, though, especially when you'd come to view it as a forever home. Change can be painful, but so long as you have each other, I'm sure you'll overcome it.
I wish I could say something, anything to help, but I don't know if I can... I'm in a similar spot of trouble, and I know that it hurts. It hurts so damn much, hurts like hell and back, but all you can really do is grin and bear it, and try to get a good grasp on reality and keep you and your's heads above water.
We all know you can push through this, because you've told us about the kind of shit you've pushed through before, and that is so, so much more than this most recent piece of nastiness life has tossed your way and, if I'm any sort of good judge of character, have always come out so much better for it. If you're here, writing stories of hope and compassion for others in times of their darkness, and being there for your spouses as their rock... what better part of life is there than that? Giggle at the ghosties, Chat, and what doesn't kill you always makes you stronger, and you're pretty damn strong as it is already!
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I sent this to my spouses, to see what they think. Thank you!
I don't have much mojo at the moment, but whatever I have left over I send your way. Silver lining, etc., etc.
I am around to listen *hugs* for what it is worth i know the situation you are in. I am here for you an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on i don't see any thing you do as complaining or whining all i can do is offer you a person to talk to i am always ready to listen.
You are my friend and i wish i lived closer to you i would comfort you in any way i could. remember i an sending lots of positive energy and love to you and your family.
I've never had a home that felt that way, but I've come fairly close. I admire my brother, who lives in a bare little apartment and his world is strictly the cornucopia of abstract computer thought in his head… still hanging on to stuff, though.
I'm genuinely glad you're still there. Wish I could do more, but you seem very clearheaded about this all. I tend to do the same thing, and have to remind myself, 'you have to ride out negative feelings because you're frightened by dropping closer and closer to the federal poverty line and having no resources of your own, plus apparently you are lonely and frustrated but too autistic to actually fix that all at once'.
Last MLP season's finale must have sucked on the Golden Oaks front
I am at work providing alternate headcanons, knowing they are needed.
I want you to know that when I saw a 'State Of' from you, I dropped everything to engage fully with it, read it, think about it, feel it, and care. I'd do more if I could. I'll go over my big climactic 'Too Near The Sun' chapter with an eye to keeping it up to what you need from ponefiction (I'll need to make sure subtexts are clicking properly and all lights are shone in the proper directions)
But now I have to go make breakfast. As this "creative, superintelligent, incredibly driven cat" does not have a wife to remind him to do that, so I will have to do it myself
Out of curiosity, what WOULD it take for you to be able to keep your current house?
I have never before read a journal that has made me cry. I wish that life was better to you. You call it a first world problem, but what you have been through and what you are going through are not within the scope of most first worlder's understanding. I see now that it was very difficult to open up like this, so thank you for this.
Hello Chat,
"A burden shared is lighter for the sharing." I'm glad you've opened up to this community about your troubles. It's good for you – and your spouses – to hear other voices than those of constant doom and gloom, and your friends here have provided! Some have even come up with ways to help, or alternate ways to think about the situation.
Many of us had said (now and previously) that we think you are stronger than you think you are. You'll get through this, and I'm confident you'll be able to build a new home for yourselves that may be lesser in some respects compared to your your present one, and better in some surprising ways that aren't visible to you yet. Yes, I'm admittedly a glass-half-full kind of person, but I truly believe in the power of individuals to make their lives better.
So stay strong. Be patient. Keep your eyes open for what opportunities life and luck will bring your way. And don't worry about sharing your feelings, your friends would rather have wet shoulders than have you suffering alone.
Many, many hugs,
Daf
I'm not the most eloquent when it comes to written comfort, but I'll try my best. I'm sorry that all this is happening to you, and I hope that everything works out in the end even though it looks bad.
yes living in america sucks hard, especially if your not at least upper middle class. I never understood the whole worship america thing. Don't let those anti tcb bastards get you down though, if it helps you do have people here who will listen and try to help. 
sorry I can't be more helpful though.
As NASCAR champion Alan Kulwicki once said "If you get up one more time than you fall, you'll make it through."
Minor word to the wise: You might want to edit out your company's name from the post. It's never a good idea to insult an employer online.
I am sorry to learn that you must move.
There is only one thing I can do to help. I know you are not big into religion but I would like to pray for your family; I know online is no place to talk to another person about what they believe so I am not going to try. Just know that I'll be thinking of you guys.
I'd love to be there with you to help comfort you and yours.
I don't know if this might help, but it's a video a great friend linked to me a few weeks ago when I was in a state of utter despair and which greatly helped me rebalance myself. Please give it a try. Even if it doesn't really fix anything, the fresh perspective it provides might be useful in dealing with the whole situation:
Everyone here already said it better than I could. I actually live in the Portland area, so if you ever needed an extra shoulder or ear, I'm here. (We also have a good local brony group as well if you felt like being social). I sincerely hope things start to look up for you soon. You're very strong of character and talented, and I've always admired you for it. Best wishes.
And "Michael Bay" implies "bullets and explosions", so the latter is redundant.
Sorry to hear about the disruption. I have enjoyed your work. I hope things work out for you.
As a suggestion if you can't find anything other than bare land, try 'Tumbleweed Houses' or perhaps an A-frame style house.
Best of Luck.
Yikes. I'm sorry; I can certainly see why you're depressed.
…I don't really think that there's any way I can help. I've never been to Oregon (and, as far as I know, don't know anyone living in that area except for you), and I'm currently a poor graduate student living mostly on my parents' generosity. Sorry. Good luck, at least.
"Marvin, from Hitchhiker's is too upbeat for me right now. Bloody party robot."
At least you still have your sense of humor. :)
I'm glad to hear from you. Your family and you are very courageous, it's been said before, but I wanted to express it too. I really hope something comes through for you all, that you may find a suitable home in time. You'll all be in my thoughts, though I wish I could offer more.
I've been reading some of your stories again lately. They're still up there as some of my favorite stories ever and I enjoy revisiting them.
Best wishes.
Sorry to hear that. Wish I had something more useful to say. I hope it turns out better than it looks.
You are smart and you know the situation is tough. The feelings you have are not wrong but they can cloud your judgement. There will be a time that you won't be depressed. You're not a bad human. You're a good unicorn. If you need a carpetbag to unload on, pick me because I make a good rubber ducky. Rubber ducky just listens if you want. You have many rubber duckies to pick from.
I wish I had some wise words to help, but I don't. These problems are not of your own making, so fixing them at the source is improbable. All I can do is offer my sympathies, and let you know that someone hears you.
enc: One (1) hug
Well, I can't pretend what I say will help, or even that there is a right thing to say in such a shitty situation, but I hope the outpouring of sympathy in the comments so far eases some of the burden at least for a while.
If you get the chance to actually experience it, I'm sure you'll love Portland—I've only been there once, but I've heard from friends who moved there from the also famously progressive and hippy-filled Madison that it's sometimes too lefty, to the point of self-parody. There's even an acclaimed sketch show about the town—One that really stings at times, since I'm exactly one of the kinds of people it satirizes. But I think it'll have a lot to offer you and the opportunities to create a new and accepting support network outside the home as well, if that's something you're interested in doing.
Really a shame to lose something like that house. But like you say, 20 years, as probably a lowball, is a long time, and that house isn't going anywhere.
I'm so sorry all of these things are happening to you lately. It's such a disaster. And anyone who wants to sit on high horse and pretend that it's not horrible just because there are starving children in southeast asia is being a purposeful and knowing douche. Not that it makes much difference, I suppose.
That said, my mother does real estate and while her work area is on the other side of the country, she did recommend I try looking at the Trulia realty website. I found three homes that ight help to look at, if you're still looking. I'm no Realtor myself, so I don't really know how to sort through them aside from the straight numbers (price, bedrooms, etc) but it looks like this one ( http://www.trulia.com/property/3122014307-535-NE-76th-Ave-Portland-OR-97213 ) is right at your maximum asking price, but has only got a very small lot and has some sort of foundation problem. I'm not sure what that means, but it's probably not good? It doesn't seem to hve a garge either.
http://www.trulia.com/property/3144956290-5465-SW-Ames-Way-Portland-OR-97225 has a "huge loft and family area" which might work for your Uniplex? It also has more yard space and is right at 300k, but it only has 3 baths, not 3.5.
http://www.trulia.com/property/3145931110-410-NE-160th-Ave-Portland-OR-97230 has the largest yard area, and is the cheapest at 280k. But it only has 2.5 bathrooms, which is even worse than the previous one...
I'm sure you have a realtor of your own already, but if it's any help at all, I'd be happy to pass questions along to my mother about what other option syou might have as well.
And again, I'm so sorry about your home. It sounds phenomenal, but hopefully you will find things to love and cherish about your new neighborhood too. I wish there were more I could do to ease the damage of this corporate screwover.
As a last thought, although I'm not sure what difference it might make nor if you would be interested in such a thing, maybe you could open a GoFundMe campaign ( http://funds.gofundme.com/index.php?route=edit2/customize&start=1 ), and try to take donations so you can raise the price of your search options? They are very popular on tumblr for helping people like yourself with housing situations, but I'm not sure how successful they actually are...
I cannot adequately convey my sympathies for you and your family.
Please, lean on us if you need the strength. We're here for you.
To talk to; to help search; even just to listen.
Please, don't give up. Prove them wrong: get your happy ending.
People who would turn on you like just to be on the popular side were never really your friends in the first place. Our only solace is that those kinds of people will never separate themselves from the hive-mind of modern human society to make themselves unique and special.
I hope things get better for you. :c
i.imgur.com/y0Ew3t4.jpg
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That... that was astonishing. Just amazing.
Sorry to hear things are going so terribly for you Chatoyance and I do agree the past few years have not been kind to you.
Although in light of this I do have to ask a few things.
1. If you do move to Portland are you guaranteed a job? Cause if your not I would say forget it.
2. If you don't move will you have to give up your current house?
Considering your answer to these questions I'd suggest screwing this noise and staying put and attempting to find another job elsewhere. Cause depending on the circumstances it may be easier to simply look for another job. Just simply tell Intel that you unfortunately cannot make the move and that you regrettably must part ways with them. Be tactful and you should be able to use them as a reference (no reason there fuck up needs to ruin your life). In anycase if you have the kind of money needed to buy a house you could instead live off it probably for several years while you look for a new job,
Anyway Braveheart Chatty Braveheart. I know you and me have not always seen eye to eye, but I still wish to help if I can. I mean just look at this blog Chatty yes there are bad bronies that don't practice what they preach but as you can see there are just as many who do. Please don't deal in absolutes this planet of ours is one giant grey area.
In anycase I have a little secret I've been wanting to share with you one I think you'll find both magnificent and wonderful that is if you wish me tell you.
Have you thought about renting out the house you're in now rather than selling it? (Where is it, anyway?)
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I live in Olympia - we can't rent the house out because we need the dosh from selling it to cover costs on a new house. Also, two of my spouses are strongly against renting, because, basically, people are jerks. We've seen too many people we know who have rented homes out, only to find the result a wrecked, damaged, or even totaled home. As in, basically, all of them. I can see their point.
Depression is definitely a bad thing to have to make decisions and operate your life when subject to. State of mind plays a hand in everything you do and think, your motivations, your rationality.
Like the other commenters, I too sympathize.
I, too, have been dealing with relocation. I'm younger, but moving still sucks. My son, now 7 years old, had to move out of state for a year because Los Angeles County failed us utterly when it came to supporting a child with a handicap. He saw great improvement in treatment and personal development during that time, but now that he's back we had to find a place with similar requirements to yours, constrained to the intersection of (places where I can commute to work) and (places with a good school that can handle my child). And I'm the only fully able-bodied individual that can actually work on the move.
I had a meltdown last night, in the process offending and alienating my wife, who is my emotional support.
I know my situation isn't of the same magnitude as yours, but I know where you're coming from, and my heart goes out to you -- to someone I've long considered a friend, to someone who helped me when I was having troubles of my own.
May you find everything you're looking for.
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I would say our situations are equivalent. Every person has their own Worst Problem, and I think what hurts, hurts. You are trying your best to take care of your family, there is great pressure on you, you worry for your son, and it is just all so complicated and difficult. I can grasp that from your words, I can see that at a glance.
I'm all wrapped up in my own sad, but not so much I can't care about your situation. You are doing your best, that is clear in your message, and it is hard, and sometimes we all stumble, and... I can at least say I see your nobility. I see your effort to do what is necessary and good in your description, and I applaud it, I acknowledge it, and I hope you are able to get the right circumstances that you require.
You are a good man, Coda. Unless you are a lesbian, married to your wife, in which case you are a rockin' dyke. Person. I should have said 'person', shouldn't I? Now I've gone and ruined a decent sentiment with an overly silly attempt to be accurate, because of the blindness of the internet.
Ahem. Hang in there, you good... self-defined, nonspecific-but-still-personal entity... um, you.
And thank you. For your kindness.
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Cry more.
I know you've probably already considered this, but I'm going to suggest it anyway.
If the only reason you are leaving is because of your job, then why not find a new job? Just leave Intel. You said it yourself, that they were downsizing to make up for bad business decisions. Who's to say they will be able to fix their business problems? And for that matter, with a company that treats it's employees like crap anyway, how long will it take before they decide they don't need you anymore, regardless of the massive lifestyle changes you had to make? If you are in the ideal place for you and our family, and moving to accommodate a shitty employer would ruin everything, then maybe you should just make the choice that will incur the least amount of loss. With your skills and resume, would it be terribly difficult to find another good job in your area? Maybe I am being unrealistic, but I find that too many people let fear take over when faced with unemployment, and they make decisions that aren't for the best.
I don't know anything about you, really, other than what's in the blog post. I've never read any "Conversion Bureau" stories, so I neither love nor hate them. I don't really get too hung up on premise. Is premise really a polarizing thing?
Anyway. I'm glad you could share this with us. Letting people in is brave business.
Real optimism comes from being repeatedly kicked and not dying.