On Trial: White Space · 12:18pm May 27th, 2014
So, here we go again!
First off, the weekend's write-off is in the judging phase. Feel free to head over and judge the nipples off that thing. Or, you know, just read. Whatever.
I did start to write something, but I hadn't formulated the idea until Saturday morning and there just wasn't enough time to write it and pull all the necessary threads together. I wibbled a bit and pulled out before I gave myself a proper breakdown. Luckily, I finished reading Making Money to wind down and it turned out that the ending was much better than the middle. I may go back and finish my story later, but for now I'm still a little bit fragile in the brain department.
Onward!
Fanfiction on Trial:
White Space
By Super Trampoline
Super Trampoline actually suggested his own story on my user page, which, while I lend it no special privilege, is an assertiveness I respect. It was then by sheer accident that I stumbled upon this story from an entirely different direction—and I can't even remember how—and had already decided it deserved my respect before seeing who wrote it and realising the connection.
Now, before I go on, just follow the link and go look at it. I'm not saying read it, just open up the first chapter and look.
I'll wait. Go on.
Shoo.
...
If you have your options set to black text on a white background, you'll see the gimmik. If you look at the story's main title, you'll see that's also a gimmik.
Honestly, I noticed neither of these things and it didn't matter one jot; I just read, and it's only 1,008 words of read. That's not a lot of space to fit in something in. That's not a lot of space to elicit a reaction. So he doesn't... the bastard is far cleverer than that, which is why, ladies and beehives, I'm here talking about it.
I've railed many times against stories that aren't really stores, but this non-story has given me pause to reconfigure my perception of that. Other not-a-stories have largely failed me because they have the pretence that they are a story. Being a single idea is absolutely fine, it turns out, as long as you're honest, and a little bit clever, about it. I mean, that's all a joke is, right? A story with a single idea that will make you laugh. It doesn't have to be story to be art: it just has to know what it is. And White Space knows exactly what it is. And that is art.
So what do I mean? I mean that it exists to interact with the reader and cause an effect without necessarily holding the reigns and controlling what that effect is. It doesn't give you the experience—and this is why I find it clever—it gives you a void in which to have an experience. It's a short monologue written in a dismissive, detached style that implies very little emotion other than a touch of conceit and half a teaspoonfull of disdain—everything else comes from you. You are the artist of your experience. Super Tranpoline is the creator of the canvas.
And what a canvas that is! It speaks to a nastier underside to Equestria but drawing a closer, unspoken parallel to our world. It speaks volumes about the narrator and his world without offering any explicit details. I opens a gateway to ponder our reality and the meaning of many basic things we hold dear. Yet, it expects nothing in return. Participate or not on your own whim.
That, of course, is the catch. If you're looking to be entertained, look elsewhere. If you're looking to to be guided gently (or even roughly, if you're into that) towards experiencing a particular emotion, this isn't for you. If you need prose to reach out and take your decisions away—to capture you in its spell—you will find naught to nourish you here.
For anybody who know me and how I write, you will already appreciate how much I love this... art. While it might not be a 'story' in the way I use the term, it is most definitely fanfiction. It uses your knowledge of certain things and allows for certain context-sensitive assumptions in order to do what it does effortless and in so few words. It's just long enough to sink into it, but brief enough to leave you sitting in a vacuum that begs to be filled by your reaction. That's not to say that it couldn't be done without the inherent framing device, but it would certainly add an extra level of complexity that even wouldn't really want to deal with on a good day.
So like all those pictures on EqD's Drawfriend posts, you might scroll by this and never give it a second thought, and that's fine. To me, that doesn't count as a strike against it. I wouldn't even dare to pretend that so many as half of you will get much out of it. That's fine too. Considering the kind of people I have following me, I suspect the wider audience of Fimfiction will get significantly less than that.
I don't care.
That isn't to say there aren't a couple of minor issues with it, though.
The prose isn't as clean as it could be. The fact is that the shorter a work like this gets, the more perfection is actually required to carry it off. We're not talking typos or tense-slips here, I just mean where words don't flawlessly enter by brain without any need for interpreting phrases or word choices. Perhaps it's the nature of being art rather than a story: when opening a space for interpretation is a necessary effect, you can't risk distracting your reader with even the slightest hitch—even something is absurdly picky as can not versus cannot. There were two or three such moments for me, and in a thousand words, that's too much. Again, not enough to genuinely derail my praise, but it certainly can't go without mention.
And then there is the epilogue. Assuming you haven't read through it already, let me say this. Read the first chapter—the story itself—and give it time to breathe. Don't roll straight on to the epilogue. Give yourself time to let the nuance float in of its own accord. Think about what it means. Think about what it evokes in you. If what it evokes is zip, go ahead and read the epilogue. You might need it for all the reasons that I have outlined that its audience is limited.
Don't worry; I won't think less of you.
The epilogue was a reaction to some user comments, and personally, I think it waters the effect down. It isn't needed unless stillness and contemplation isn't your thing. I won't say I'd rather it wasn't there, because I'm just as happy that the addition can reach and give enjoyment to more readers, and I'm all about that. I just wish I could know that without having read it, which, of course, no-one can. Sheer curiosity would always win out in the end.
No matter.
Verdict: An almost perfect moment in time
The right whisper has more power to move than James Earl Jones with a meagaphone. This work whispers gently, only to be heard by those with a mind still enough to hear it.
That, dear readers, if a gift.
-M, out.
Vote now!
My like: The Proper Care and Feeding of Monsters, by Cold in Gardez
My dislike: The Archer and the Smith, by Sharaloth
AugieDog's suggestion: The Tree That Blooms in Darkness, by Cloud Wander
The obligatory alternative: Pick Your Own Stupid Fic You Lazy Bum, by Thisistoomuchlikeeffort.
Not say the result will be next, but it will bump up the not-yet-technically-existent list.
Thank you again for the by your standards extremely kind words. I actually really like your take on the epilogue: an encapsulation of the previous chapter that waters down but makes more accessible its ideas. I guess that's exactly why it works for some people and not for others. Now, three things:
1. I suspect I used "can not" rather than "cannot" to sublty emphasize the alien nature of the changeling. Look through it again, and you'll also notice she doesn't use any contractions.
2. I suspect you saw City of Doors's review of this that came out two days ago. Now just to snag Present Perfect, and I'll have a triumvirate of reviews!
3. Having shown that I can write tasteful nonstories, it will be interesting to see whether in your and others' eyes I can write actual stories based on this character and her unsuspecting wife. Twin sequels come out July 6th: Changeling Your Point of View and Ruminations of an Apostate Changeling.
Have a great day!
Aw, don't tell me you're a sucker for textual gimmickry. :/ I honestly felt like the canvas effect was wasted on this piece, a valiant effort, but one that falls short of its ambition.
Avant-garde fanfic critic snob-off go!
2149627 I have seen some done well, but honesty, I didn't care either way. I have seen it used to great effect, but this wasn't such a case. The important thing was how much I didn't even notice it...
2149637
I hope that, one day when I publish the story I'm calling Damascus, you will feel the same. :B
I am disappointed that "Pick Your Own Stupid Fic You Lazy Bum" does not appear to be an actual story. So I'll vote Archer and Smith to give you some fresh meat to tear your fangs into.
This is a rather perceptive quote, because that's one of the major reasons I read*, and indeed, I felt like this story didn't do enough with its premise.
At the same time, I acknowledge the meta-cleverness of its structure, and I thought that the conceptual execution was its strongest feature, and worthy of note. The textual execution could have used a little polish, I agree; when you've only got a thousand words, you don't have the luxury of repeating yourself, and it felt like the bit about "me" being unconscious and helpless was flogged pretty severely. I'd have loved to see it focus more on details like the individual ways the changeling would be a better replacement, which added both some genuine creepiness and some I-felt-it-was-needed setting-building.
--
* the fact that I require nourishment from my stories should not be taken as evidence of changelinghood
2149781 see, I--and I suspect others--would never had seen anything queer about your statement that you read for narrative nourishment. But your forced and fervent denial of changelinghood related to it is highly suspicious.
I'm going to vote for AugieDog's suggestion because that guy has interesting taste. I'd like to see what you make of it.
2149412
As much as I'd like to get all huffy that I don't even rate mention on your top reviewers list, I'm far too happy thinking about how, for a long time, it felt like I was the only person doing anything remotely like this. The reason I started my blog was because I was looking for fanfic reviews and couldn't find any, and now there are at least a dozen active or semi-active reviewers who I'm following.
2149637
(replying to you generally, not to this comment specifically)
The major disagreement I have with this review--and, I suspect, the major reason I didn't get as much out of it as you, was this line: " It uses your knowledge of certain things [in the context of being an MLP fanfic] and allows for certain context-sensitive assumptions in order to do what it does effortless and in so few words." Personally, I felt like the connection to the show was the biggest weakness of the fic; there's little here that is "explained" by the setting, unless you want to count "there's magic" (and you shouldn't, since the way it's used here breaks with the show anyway--by design, but my point is that it's not explaining anything useful, not that it's inherently bad), and there are a lot of questions this story begs about Equestria that wouldn't be issues at all in an original setting. This story would, in my opinion, have been better off if set in a generic fantasy universe, whether unique or fanfic-ish, with a non-pony cast... and there's not that much that would have to change to make it happen.
Anyway, nice review! I've read both of your first two possible suggestions, so I'm going to throw my vote in with Augie and see if you can sell me (or not) on it.
2150135 I am so sorry. After I made that comment, I remembered one mans pony ramblings, but I have no clue what the fancy word for the four person equivalent of a triumvirate is. Blame my ignorance of the English language.
2150202
Technically, it's "quadrumvirate"--just as tri- means three, quad- means four, and the rest stays the same. In practice, I've never heard that term though, so I wouldn't get too attached to it if I were you.
And as I said, your post made me far too happy to feel miffed, let alone that I was owed an apology (how dare you not praise me? To the dungeons!). Even if you'd left me off intentionally, rather than accidentally, it would all be good.
2150220
Throw him in a dungeon! Or review him! Or throw him in a dungeon and then review him in the place that you threw him in a dungeon to!
2149818
Ah, but see, if I really was a changeling, I wouldn't be acting suspiciously. I'd be blending in as much as possible so that nobody had a chance to blow my cover.
2150135 Don't worry, Chris. You'll always be the reviewer who captured my heart. Or I guess you can start worrying, if, you know, that sounds like a worrisome phrase to you…
[Stalking Intensifies]
2150731 But that's just the kind of extremely suspicious by way of totally not suspicious activity the guards are on the lookout for. Nopony's coming after that totally obvious changeling. Why, he's probably not a changeling at all! He's... a bad cosplayer or something.