May
21st
2014
Flying Sky High Revision status · 6:17pm May 21st, 2014
The first six chapters of Flying Sky High have been heavily revised and edited. I only have four days left to do the rest of them (before the contest deadline, but i don't have work the rest of this week so hopefully i'll get them done.
Go take a look if your interested. i didn't change any of the story at all, but i've done my best to find errors, get rid of run ons, and all around refine the text ^_^
I'm in the middle of re-reading this glorious odyssey of a fanfic
and the new revisions look good. 
I'm keeping my eye out for revisions too to try and help out
Anyway some of the things I've found are:
● In chapter 7, in paragraph 36, during the conversation spitfire says something without it being directly credited to her.
●In chapter 10, in paragraph 2, Surprise is uncapitalized
I don't know if you're already working on revisions for those chapters and if you caught them, but here's hoping that helps
2139761
you've got amazing timing, i just finished revising chapter 7. I'll go through Spitfire's dialogue and make sure i've fixed that up.
And thanks a bunch,
i'll never turn down extra help (or a compliment
)
2139761
FOUND IT!
I just had her dialogue that mentioned the old wonderbolt captains floating there with no mention of who said it.
She says, earned me captain status at one point, but its not till near the end.
Added a dialogue break with: Spitfire explained.
Again thanks for the help!
2139854
I'm told that I have impeccable timing, but I'm just glad that I wasn't too late to help
I'm just using my free time to look over this glorious odyssey of a fanfic again to help in what ways I can. 
I have some more revisions if you've gotten there yet.
● In chapter 12, paragraph 7, Lightning Dust's dialogue needs an I
*cough* I mean Lightning' s dialogue (I also noticed a few errors with interrupted dialogue, the second half is also capitalized )
● In chapter 13, paragraph 6, Descent's headbutt needs an article (he)
•Paragraph 11, line 8, Descents needs an apostrophe
•Paragraphs 23 & 25, my brother's, *cough*
•Paragraph 41, you said surprised when I think you meant the singular form.
No problem! Since I'm an awful writer, I can at least help by being a editor
I'm gonna try my best to do the rest of the book tomorrow. Good luck with your contest!
(I'm relieved you're OK with me weighing in on your writing
I was so nervous writing that last comment)
2140257
NOTHING is more helpful to a writer than a good editor
especially since i lack good editing skills myself 
the contest deadline is tomorrow, but that's just for submission, the owner of the group said he has to read them all + he intends to read my prequel before this, so i think i'll have a few days extra to get through it. All your help is GREATLY appreciated.
Tell you what, if you keep doing an awesome job of pointing things out for me, i'll credit you as an editor in the story's long description
Well I am rather honored that you find me helpful
Anyway I've got about 4 hours to read over the last 5 chapters.
So without further ado...:
● In chapter 14, paragraph 7, line 3 there is a spelling error where I think you meant quiet.
● In chapter 14, paragraph 19, line 3, so should be "to smash Misty to the concrete."
● In chapter 14, paragraph 30, I think soaring means to say you have or you've (not you're).
● In chapter 14, paragraph 45, Lightning's descriptive grammar is incomplete, you either need the article "he," or "while looking him up and down."
● In chapter 14, paragraph 59, hopping is spelled wrong it is missing a p.
● In chapter 14, paragraph 119, I think you want the past tense form of struggle, or add "were struggling" in its place.
● In chapter 14, paragraph 120, Fire asks where commander soarin "are" you could either combine it and the next sentence or change "are" to "is."
Okay, so only 4 chapters to go!
Just make sure you find what I don't. 
Don't feel bad about not having good editing skills, I used to write for my school newspaper so I know how hard it is to turn a critical eye to your own work. Which is why editors exist
Anyway chapter 15 & 16 errors I caught:
● In chapter 15, paragraph 99, line 4, Nightshade's injuries were caused but claws (spelling error). Later in that paragraph, in line 5, in is misspelled.
● In chapter 15, paragraph 103, line 2, there is a capitalization error in Yelped.
● In chapter 15, the last paragraph, offering is spelled incorrectly.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 1, captain needs to be capitalized as it is a statement.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 7, line 8, to is misspelled.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 41, line 3, omit the a before mercenaries.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 99, line 4, you wrote passed where I think you meant past.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 100, line 1, look out is 2 words in this case.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 102, line 2, I think you would be better off using a hyphen - to describe the interrupted thought rather than a comma.
● In chapter 16, paragraph 114, line 4, end Dash's question with a ?
Hope this helps, I've still got 2 hours for the last 2 chapters, so here's hoping I get to it
2141236
again, thank you so very much
You have no idea how much this will help when i get to those chapters 
Currently halfway through 8. Got a few free hours now so i'm gonna see how much i can get through. 
After all, "Everything must be PERFECT! "
2141290
I'm writing against two authors who have been featured in the past (Although i think they posted right after rainbow falls, which may have helped but still.)
I'm hoping i can have these as clean as possible
Just got finished reviewing chapter 17, will probably do 18 in the dead of the night,
unless I can squeeze it in before seeing a double feature at a drive-in , movie theater.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 9, line 4, change the tense of hear to heard.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 13, line 1, add the word one after single for better coherence.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 15, line 2, there is a flow error, you could either change it to "looked back extending his wings," or "looked back and extended his wings."
● In chapter 17, paragraph 18, line 3, add a comma between slow and steady.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 32, line 2, you forgot the s for Dash's head.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 50, line 3, passed should be past.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 64, line 1, Nightshade should be capitalized.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 67, line 3, omit to as it is unnecessary. And in line 5, you are missing an apostrophe for Nightshade's.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 68, line 3, crystals should have an apostrophe at the end as it is plural and possessive.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 72, line 4, delete the day from and to make an incredibly disgusting amount of blood.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 89, line 1, her should be he.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 91, line 3, her should be his since he is moving his head I think.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 92, line 2, came is missing an e. In line 3 you might want to change flare to flared.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 94, line 2, I'm not sure how you want to go about that sentence, but I'm not sure what you're trying to say...
● In chapter 17, paragraph 142, I think "a-hem," still needs to be capitalized.
● In chapter 17, paragraph 160, alright is misspelled.
Way to go you made me tear up at the 1000 feet scene, AGAIN!
such a great chapter, but I think you got wrapped up in the fight scene as far as mistakes go 
2141482
Yeah some of the fight scenes are probably full of errors. It's hard enough to spot errors as is, its even harder in those dense paragraphs.
I'm glad you like the falling scene
it was a very emotional scene to write as well. I was convincing myself they were going to die as i wrote it. 
good thing discord stepped in huh? 
Thank Celestia! Discord's scene was also really great. Looking forward to Surprise breaking reality again
I hope squad 3 will be in the sequel once you write it.
Anyway the one thing I wished for rereading this story is that I didn't remember it so I could get the full effect again
I'm going to at least post some mistakes I see before I leave for the day.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 6, upright is one word in this instance.
there should also be a comma before huh and a ? To end that inquiry.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 93, line 5, I think the sentence would flow better if you added the word "with" after up in regard to the clothespin.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 94, line 8, does Discord have hands or is it a paw or claw?
● In chapter 18, paragraph 96, line 3, they're high "fiving?" But they have hooves right?
● In chapter 18, paragraph 115, surprise should be surprised, not to be confused with the pony.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 121, is it a good thing rapid-fire isn't like his parents? I'm a bit confused by this sentence.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 128, I'm not sure if you actually meant booped as an onomatopoeia, or if you meant bopped.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 139, maybe desire filled eyes or something to that effect would function better, or did you mean to point out that his eyes were desireable?
● In chapter 18, paragraph 164, you could make the the face flip more obvious by adding either the sign or word for degrees. (Ctrl +Shift + plus to superscript a highlighted o).
● In chapter 18, paragraph 174, line 4, eye should be plural.
Well I'm not quite done, but that's most of it
more in the depths of the night. Good thing I'm an insomniac 
2141748
(On phone) you are doing so much more than I would ever expect someone to do to help me.
Thanks so much again. Once it's all revised you better believe I'm adding your name as an editor :)
2142058
Now I'm on my phone :P ( no ponyemotes T_T )
Anyway I'm just glad I can help out a great author, seriously, I don't think I've ever seen a better series in any fandom as far as content, emotional feedback, and just your ability to control the language you're writing in (it's more rare than you'd think). I'm usually just a silent observer, but I felt like I had to talk after reading this series.
Anyway, I joined the fandom last February and I love the creativity going around in all spheres.
I suppose the greatest part of your series is that you didn't stop updating any of them since I joined :P I lurk my favorite stories like Pinkie at that mailbox, so it really sucks when a story you're following halts it's updates forever T_T
And don't worry about me doing things for you, I just got out of school, so I've got a lot of time XD
2142176
Aw thanks :)
I agree, if there's one thing that drew me to the fandom more than anything else it's the creativity.
That and brownies are generally friendly. I'm not much of a brony honestly I do nothing beyond watch the show and write additions. I've been a fanfic writer for a while and I'm always drawn to things that have great potential for expansion.
Mlp fim has great characters, I love taking well rounded characters and exploring what I can do with them. It's a gold mine for me :)
Again thanks for all the support and I'm honored you regard my series so highly :) now if I could just hit the feature box someday xD
2142176
Bronies... Damn auto correct and crashing when I try to edit >_<
2142291
Oh that autocorrect o.O I hate it a lot too, to be honest, in any fandom I have done nothing but read and observe, watch the shows, movies et cetera.
I hope you can hit that feature box with this story :D
2142343
if i get more exposure to this particular story with the contest, i'm hoping when i start the third soarindash, it's initial views land me there
Thats the one problem i have with the system. If you don't make the feature box in the first two days, you aren't gonna hit period. Its calculated based on first time views, likes/dislikes, and faves, most of which come within the first night or two.
I get the feeling thats why a lot of works go unfinished. When a writer doesn't strike gold, they give up knowing it wont get featured.
I'm glad i kept at it, it's been a year and a half since i joined and i've accumulated a great deal of views followers and friends
I never hit the feature box, but i feel like i still acquired a similar amount of attention just by keeping at it for a long time 
That's a horrible system... But yeah good luck with your third part! I actually rather enjoyed helping you edit over the past few days :D maybe I should do this kind of stuff more often.
I guess just try to self advertise to reach that goal of the feature box :P I'll see if I can't help spread the word when the time comes.
2143086
You're awesome
Thanks for all the help. I hope i can revise the rest soon. I'm not in a position to have much free time over the next few days, but i'll get as much as i can revised.
With your editing, i should be able to go much faster
2143009
Also, thanks for not giving up, it's not in my nature to do so and I'm glad it apparently isn't in yours! "Keep moving forward."
2143111
nevar!
Rule number one of being a successful writer: Always finish what you start.
There was a time when i was bad >_< it took me so long to get chapter 3 of head in the clouds out.
Flying sky high was the first story i updated super consistently, and i loved it, and the amount of attention that came with it. I got a worried pm from someone once when i didn't update in two days once xD (then i updated it ten minutes after that haha.)
2143129
I read about your little spat of writers block... But 8 months I think it was? Sketchy, sketchy...
Even if you stop writing on this site, tell me what else you'll be writing for, follow the author, not just their works, that's how you stay up on good content. :)
Still at the drive in so no computer, will hold off on editing updates until I get back at around 3 or so... But insomnia will see me through the night :P (no matter how much I wish it wouldn't XD )
I got home and finished reading over chapter 18, and I have my emotes back
So here ya go:
● In chapter 18, paragraph 224, pupils should be plural and not possessive.
but did you mean to say "YISS!" or did you mean yes.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 245, up is misspelled.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 256, line 2, the desireable eyes thing pops up again, and I'm not sure what way you want to fix it in.
● In chapter 18, paragraph 260, I think recurring is a nicer word for this instance but there are apparently instances for both, you may want to look into that...
● In chapter 18, paragraph 273, line 9, there is a hand in a pony fic
● In chapter 18, paragraph 296, I'm probably being ridiculous for this
I've now given this epic the old-once over, but I'll probably skim it some more over the next few days too. Time to look for some sleep now...
2143162
as i've said a hundred times by now, thanks a ton
The 8 months stand still wasn't really my choice
i had a new job that required me to write small articles that were, unfortunately, never used by the company for the 6 months i worked there. it was really depressing and it was half the reason i decided not to write for business and only for myself (i'm in finance now)
Follow the author? i will GLADLY keep you updated in all of my writing endeavors. My non stop pony works right now or mostly due to me taking a break from writing my own original medieval fantasy novel
which i hope to get published some day. Writing an actual BOOK though is tough 
there are no real break points like submitting chapters and you really don't get feedback until you have the whole thing done. I've got about 200 pages done (word document) and my brain was fried so i decided to write pony for a bit to take a break 
if and when it ever gets published i'll point it out for you
You're thanking me for editing this piece but I think you're not giving yourself enough credit
I can see how your previous job could be disheartening, but I'm glad you kept at it.
So I'm starting my second review of the story for if you have time:
● In chapter 1, paragraph 4, line 1, happened should be changed to happens.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 16, line 2, everyday should be 2 words in this case.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 22, line 2, the they'd is misspelled.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 44, line 3, either add she before glided or change it to gliding.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 51, line 1, that needs an 's.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 78, line 1, my is misspelled.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 79, line 1, add "her" for clarity when talking about wings.
● In chapter 1, paragraph 109, line 1, "to" should be "of".
● In chapter 1, paragraph 130, you mention Fleetfoot's arm, but then she blows on her leg. (Generally this doesn't bother me, but you need to choose one or the other for continuity.)
Also I have a question on the views of this blog, are all the ones listed unique, or does it include every time I pull this thing up?
Getting around to chapter 2 now
● In chapter 2, paragraph 3, line 1, you used the wrong kind of brakes.
● In chapter 2, paragraph 48, line 3, wait needs to be capitalized.
● In chapter 2, paragraph 57, line 1, omit the "s" in wings.
● In chapter 2, paragraph 119, line 3, Soarin's name needs to be capitalized.
● In chapter 2, paragraph 154, line 4, add the word it after crumpled.
There are a lot less errors here than in later chapters, so I think you did really well on your initial revisions.
Chapter 3 revisions are done now.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 40, line 2, change gently to gentle.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 68, line 1, add a comma after what for proper speech pause.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 71, I think "it" fits better than "one" for this sentence.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 79, line 3, add the r in your before the word career.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 109, line 5, blue is capitalized when it shouldn't be.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 128, line 3, Applejack's dialect is jumbled on the word getting, either omit the apostrophe, or change the word to gettin'.
● In chapter 3, paragraph 133, line 2, there should be a comma after sure.
After finding the first error, I had to count a lot of paragraphs in order to put down a reference.
If you do end up having to turn in the story today and not have time to correct, then good luck.
2144947
i think i'll still have time to fully correct everything, the group owner is apparently a little slow at concluding contests
so i may still have another week or so. (I was at a wedding today so no work got done 
)
as for the views? i honestly couldn't tell you. This post seems to have a ton of views...
i don't know
Well I hope the wedding was fun
or at least enjoyable 
(I hate formal in any aspect)
But I tested my theory that it isn't unique views, and it was right, but I do have to wonder who else has been watching this conversation play out.
It's kinda, just a little bit, very nerve-wracking :fluttershyouch
Nice, that last emote failed to go through...
2146080
It was my girlfriend's brother's wedding and her family is a fun bunch so it was enjoyable
yeah i don't really know how any of the scripting works for views and what not
2144947
made the changes to chapter's 1-3
i figured it's more important to have the first few chapters perfect to get the attention of the contest judge. I already have a note on chapter 11 that im in the middle of revisions and it might be a tad sloppy going forward. (if i get to the later chapters i will move that note forward one chapter each time 
)
again, thanks for the stellar help
I just have somewhat of an eye for deatil, and since you did this so well in the first place, I figured I'd help since it was easy.
I'll see if I can't review chapters 4-6 soon, that way I'll have done something for each one. I initially skipped the first 6 chapters since you had revised them at the time.
Which group is doing this contest? I want to see how good those other guys are too
Working on those remaining chapters now
● In chapter 4, paragraph 7, line 2, I've found the first run on sentence starting with the word "many." The next sentence is missing a few transition words to complete the thought.
● In chapter, 4, paragraph 16, line 2, there is a capitalization error in Discord's statement.
● In chapter 4, paragraph 112, line 2, Spitfire needs an apostrophe to show possessiveness.
● In chapter 4, paragraph 120, line 2, a capitalization error at the start of a quote.
● In chapter 5, paragraph 53, line 4, arm's length is missing it's apostrophe.
● In chapter 5, paragraph 54, line 5, Soarin caught "a" glimpse.
● In chapter 5, paragraph 57, line 2, cupid probably should be capitalized as it is an allusion to a proper name.
● In chapter 5, paragraph 63, remember should be capitalized as it is part of a statement.
● In chapter 5, paragraph 100, line 2, sync is spelled awkwardly, it's not really wrong, but sync is better as you can't mispronounce it like you can with synch. (EX: like how you pronounce each)
● In chapter 5, paragraph 104, "and flew up through a cloud" is redundant since you explained that in the previous sentence.
● In chapter 109, paragraph 109, line 2, the quotation mark in the repeated sentence needs to be after the question mark.
● In chapter 5, paragraph 134, line 1, "her" should be "his"
So many feels and fluff in those 2 chapters, I kinda zoned out for a bit while reading them
I was absolutely dreaming at that point... such a beautiful scene, especially right before they meet... (I'm such a hopeless romantic 
)
OK this is the last of it I think!
● In chapter 6, paragraph 9, line 1, you need to add a comma or period to prevent a run on sentence.
● In chapter 6, paragraph 10, line 1, writhing is misspelled.
● In chapter 6, paragraph 23, line 2, the sentence is floating between past and present tense, so you'll need to choose one to describe Soarin's sleep problem.
● In chapter 6, paragraph 28, line 1, you have an uncapitalized i. Again in paragraph 34, line 2. Aaaand in paragraph 38, line 1... and once more in paragraph 99, lines 1&2.
● In chapter 6, paragraph 117, line 1, add a comma after Dash to maintain sentence flow.
● In chapter 6, paragraph 124, line 1, you used the wrong your, it should be you're.
● In chapter 6, paragraph 139, add a comma after guts.
So I'm finally done editing the whole thing
and it only took me about 4 days or so 
Anyway for future reference, I think you may want to look into interrupted dialogue capitalization rules. That and also generally after the word "oh," some form of punctuation is needed for proper sentence structure and flow.
2147738
Thanks, thanks, and more thanks
When this is fully gone through and cleaned up, i'm gonna add your name as the key editor 
And the group is this soarindash group
it's the largest soarindash group on the site. The stories are in the "contest entries folder" obviously
oh, and THANK YOU!
Dude you did the hard work on this thing, don't go thanking me, if you didn't do your work, I wouldn't have been able to read this story. That would have made me sad.
(But the best way to thank me would be to give us all another one of your great soarindash fics
We must haz our storeis 
)
I'm gonna check this contest out now. Have fun, i'm going to take a break from looking this little novel over now. (A little brain fried now...
)
2147738
AHHHHHH the uncapitalized i was from my first revisions... in microsoft word it auto capitalizes it for you
It doesnt do it here,
haha wow i bet that looked real backass retarded of me
Yeah, getting used to a new program is difficult, I actually did all of my editing straight from this site, as my tablet doesn't have word or anything like that...
So since it likes to predict what i'm typing, I have to make sure it spells things right, anytime a insert an apostrophe, it thinks its like a space, and tries to write an entire new word after it
I was just noticing how you talk a lot about emptying rainbows from your head after writing XD
I got off work early today, so your chapter 13 edits are done
● In chapter 13, paragraph 31, spitfire has one too many quotation marks in her dialogue.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 33, line 1, you need a comma after fine for sentence flow.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 40, line 2, noise maker is spelled wrong.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 41, line 1, sometimes is possessive when it needs to be plural, and I think Surprise's name is spelled wrong here, unless you meant that she was surprised.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 56, line 5, I believe so-called needs to be hyphened in this case.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 62, line 5, that sentence needs to have a comma instead of a period after the word quickly to avoid a run on sentence.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 71, line 1, eyes should be plural, as I hope one of my favorite characters still has 2 eyes.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 77, line 1, there should be a comma after god for sentence flow. In line 2 I think happy-go-lucky us also hyphenated.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 90, line 7, the last statement is weird, either end it in a period after giving it a subject or make it part of the previous sentence, or move it to the next paragraph and add an appropriate subject.
● In chapter 13, paragraph 96, line 6, omit the word few since it isn't necessary.
So now I've read the Misty scene 3 times and have cried a bit at each have time
such an amazing scene. 
2156525
Thanks as always
Great now I have to read it again too
