Apr
5th
2014
down and out · 5:29am Apr 5th, 2014
I'm depressed.
I'm 22 and all my glory days are behind me. my muse is dead, my motivation has bottomed out, its a herculean task just to drag myself out of bed in the morning. most times I wonder why the fuck I even bother. nothing I do will ever have any real impact on anything ever again. I should have died in country, when I was still a person with asperations. I'll never be what I want to be, I got decades of nothingness ahead and no plans, no inspiration and now hope. Now I feel like just a Shell where memories of a man dwell.
I can't fucking deal anymore, I can only escape for a time. I doubt anything new, chapter or story, will come here anytime soon, so unfollow if your here for that.
I'm out.
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Krass McWriter · 448 views
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And what makes you say this?
At least you struck out later than I have.
I did at around seventeen. But hey, life is life.
It is a bloody cycle chap. Shit sucks, but ya gotta keep on pumping till things get better.
Not that it means that things will look up, This kinda thing takes time to heal.
My advice? Take. A. Fucking. Break.
A loooooong one to be sure. Take a hiatus from the community and relax.
Kick back. Watch some nature documentary shit, walk in some bloody park in the middle of nowhere, road rage, I don't know, whatever suits your fancy.
I cannot speak for myself since I have not experienced such emotions like you have during my adulthood, which is to say I am not even a year into being an adult. But just cool down chap. At least you've done more than most people on this site ever will in a life time.
And ease up on the muse. Write random shit that comes to mind at random intervals.
Something outta come out there, even if it ain't pure gold perfect, it is something to look at least.
Dude, are you going to be alright?
I wish I could offer more, and I really have nothing to say. I get some of those similar feelings from time to time, and it hurts a lot. I'm sorry man.
I once heard a saying about loneliness. "How can there be so many lonely people? All they have to do is get together."
Seek friends, or try a roleplay site like Whitetail Woods?
Take some time to relax, smell the Poison Joke, and find yourself. We'll wait.
Krass, I know you've been through some shit... but I also know that you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit.
Everyone places their psyches on these gossamer webs of social interaction, and when a strong or steady wind comes and washes away our safety nets, we feel lost, useless, and utterly hopeless.
But what people seem to forget is that, we aren't as strong as the webs we weave, we are far stronger. Just because something has fallen to shit (which most things do), doesn't mean you won't be able to find something that works the next time.
I've been on your road, it isn't fun, it isn't glamorous, it isn't anything but a black void, threatening to rip your heart out through the pit of your stomach. I was stuck in a near-suicidal rut for 3 years when I dropped out of college, the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that I didn't have enough in my savings account to pay for my funeral...
Just find something , anything, and give it a try. It might not work, it might be something weird, it might be something that used to be the complete opposite of what you believed before... but until you can rebuild some sort of web from which to gain a new vantage on your life, every wall is going to look insurmountable...
As always, I apologize for my shitty mixed metaphors, and what is probably the saddest excuse for a pep talk you have ever heard, but coming from a 23yr/old who will likely die alone... It's the best I've got, and I sincerely wish you the best.
(If you need to talk, let me know, but please be aware, I am deploying in about... 9 hours... so I will be pretty much unavailable for the next couple days...)
Is it possible for depression and malaise to be contagious? This is really getting around here.
But I am aware that you have been through a lot more than I suppose most other people who no longer find joy in what we do here. But from what I have seen, as trite as it may seem, it does get better. It may seem all doom and gloom right now, but it won't last. Take some time and you will see.
Hey Krass, there's good advice above, but I'd like to second the motion on 1982839, 1983115, 1983170 and 1983264:
- stop expecting stuff from yourself and others, and just - be - for a while. Breathe. Look around you. Just let the world take action for a while. Breathe.
- be with people, school, church, other vets, knitting club, it doesn't matter who, just don't be alone, stewing in your juices.
- get help. If alcohol or other substance are in the picture you may want to consider AA.
Depression is an awful place to be, dude. But sometimes it's a way for your brain to tell you that your expectations have gotten in the way of your well being. Just be patient with yourself, and give yourself time to find out who you are before you get to stuck on what you want to do.
I know it won't mean much, but you haven't lost your ability to write, I can tell from this post :)
I just want to let you know your writings helped inspire me to give FIMFiction a shot. I thank you greatly for it.
I wish you the best in working through what bothers you. Life is tough but we all have to keep on keepin' on. Bad times don't last forever. May good luck come your way.