Lurker, Comma, Skeeter goes Professional · 1:28am Apr 1st, 2014

Hey friends and vague acquaintances who sit too close at the bus station! As you may have noticed, there are some big shifts going down at fimfiction.net INC.Mods are stepping down left and right, replaced by fandom-favorites who know as much about running a website as they do running in general.

I'd just like to take the time out of my day to tell you that it's all my fault.

Yes, it is really I who control all of Fimfiction.

How? Why? Who? None of those are important questions. I choose now of all days to reveal my plot because, like the Illuminati, I know it will be passed off as a joke to most of the site's userbase. It will be forgotten in due time, I will have a conscience as clean as the fur of the baby corgi I threw into a wood chipper the other day for amusement, and no one will be the wiser to my masterful scheme.

For it is I who told the mods to step down. It was I who combined the favorite/tracking systems. It was I who changes the layout the instant you get comfortable with the new one. Every bad OC Alicorn fic on this site is crafted by my underlings in order to peeve the collective fimfiction hivemind while I turn their raw anger and annoyance into a burnable fuel to power my skyship that is also an aircraft carrier. That is not the end of my dominion, though. The good stories too are tools in the great Parcheesi game, instruments of divine propaganda to make you like me (consequently, positive emotions cannot be harvested for fuel, so I keep good fanfiction to a minimum).

The mods are merely my puppets, with which I do as I please with little regard for the concern and thoughts of others. Knighty? Poultron? Alex? They were merely pawns I manipulate to carry out my divine will upon you poor, pitiful Bronyfolk.

What divine will?, you plead at the seat of my massive golden throne made out of internet wires and sticky tissues.

I haven't really figured that out yet. But that is of no concern. For with such a mighty power I could do literally anything I wanted.

And that frightens me.

See? Even I am frightened of myself; a testament to my incredible prowess. And so should you. For at any moment the ban hammer might fall, ending your pitiable existence. You will be reduced to a small smudge on my grand cosmic cocaine-mirror.

Who am I?, you might ask as you tremble with awe and terror at my massive realm of influence that is in no way compensation for any smaller than normal pieces of my divine anatomy.

I'm Skeeter The Lurker, bitches.

~Skeeter The Lurker

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