A few serious changes · 8:30am Mar 31st, 2014
Alright, I've come to a serious determination.
I've given this a lot of thought, and I've had to consider things over the course of the past few weeks about where I stand in FimFiction and what it means for me and my writing. After a lot of self-reflection, discussion and frustration, I've decided to make a few changes to myself, the way I write, and how I am presented on FimFic.
Please note the list of changes as follows:
1. Readability
An assessment of my writing shows that my style is archaic, full of big words, and scores high on the Flesch-Kincaid Readability test. This means that younger readers will have difficulty understanding and recognizing certain things that I might attempt. From now on, I am cutting out all attempts to be overly complicated in my writing.
- All future stories will now be written plain, simply, in the present-tense and in the 2nd person perspective.
This is the easiest way to appeal to the reader, as the present-tense and the 2nd person allows the reader to interact with the story more closely, and thereby bond with the narrative. Being able to put themselves in the position of the central character will no doubt help them understand the perspectives of the characters better and be able to connect without me having to describe things or use big words.
- I will now no longer use words with more than 2 syllables.
This is to keep my Flesch-Kincaid score firmly within the 'easily understood by an average 11-year-old student' range. Unfortunately, since the bulk of readers fall into that range mentally, I no longer will be having adult or mature readers as my core target group. This leads in nicely to my next point.
2. Content
I write things that are too deep, too unsatisfying, and too clever for their own good, as one nice reader pointed out to me. In addition, I take the advice of my Grandmama, who repeatedly tells me "Stop trying to be so smart, dumb guy". Because of this, I will be changing the way I write in the following points to appeal to the masses and get those precious, precious likes and views and follows:
- I will no longer require the reader to have an imagination
I have found that I was wrong about reading, and that reading is not a method to allow people to traverse new worlds or new places. It is, in fact, a conveyor belt for people to shove generic ideas down other people's throats without the need for any work on the part of the reader or writer. What people want nowadays is manufactured lore, something that doesn't even need expansion because it's just cool. Therefore, I will no longer describe things in a flowery, purple way. I will say things directly as they are to avoid confusion. People may call that 'telly'. I call it 'efficient'.
- I will no longer craft stories around a climax
From reading a lot of other popular stories, it seems that the only thing that people really want to see is the climax. In this world of fast food and immediacy, no one has time to invest in a long story anymore, and certainly no one has the time to trust the author when they present things that are slightly out of personal canon. Therefore, I am now cutting out the set up, body, and conflict portions of the three act structure, and heading straight to the climax and denouement. In fact, from now on, the denouement of all my future stories will be approximately 80% of the story length itself, and will feature nothing but hugging and ponies smiling happily at each other.
- I will stop distracting the reader
A lot of comments I get from really nice people who hate me say things like "Your stories keep taking me away" or "I find myself forgetting that I'm sitting here. Your writing really distracts me from the real world." For this I apologize. I know that stories are never meant to actually be deep, or to be able to craft imagery so vivid that you can place yourself within them. I know that stories are meant to be vehicles to deliver facts to your face, like a bullet list of '10 things you didn't know about The Avengers Movie' -- Even if you already know all of the facts, it's still fun to read them again. That's what people go for nowadays, and that's what I'm going to do too. I'll be writing nothing but bullet lists of 'cool things' for the ponies to do that you probably have seen before a dozen times, but for some reason you still like it. Don't fix whatever's broken, eh? Maybe now I'll get some attention!
3. Genre/Premise
Now, my main problem is that I always try to do something different. I mean, shiiiiit. Writing and art were NEVER platforms to be creative! I see the error of my ways now, and I just want you to know that I am making every effort to fix this oversight.
- I will stop experimenting
Writing differently is a curse. Always wanting to do something odd, or special, or different is no longer appreciated because it's no longer possible to distinguish writers who know what they're doing and choose to ignore certain rules in the face of artistry, from writers who stick a pencil up their butts and fart graphite at the computer screen (I'm one of the latter, by the way). From now on, I will no longer attempt to have unique formatting, special points of view, or hide stories in other forms of narrative. Everything I write from now on, as said, will be 2nd person perspective stories told plainly.
- I will write one story. Forever.
In fact, now that I think about it, why even bother trying to write anything else? All I need to do is actually just release the same story over and over. Once I find one that works, probably some sort of romance story, since those are pretty popular, I'll just do a search and replace to edit names, locations, and specific nouns. Instant new story. And you know what? It works! I've seen it! No one pays attention to the secondary plot of a story anyway, so really, all they want is the main one. All I have to have is a bunch of hugging at the end, and I'll be golden.
- New character focus
I have realised that no one likes any of the OCs I write. People tell me that my characterization is terrible, and I don't know how to write character anyway. My characters just very well might be the most unidentifiable in fanfic history, and the way I handle my main six is abhorrent and vomit-inducing (source: My grandmama). From now on, I will be writing carbon copies of the characters from the show. No longer will they be allowed to break out of their caricatures, and no longer will I give them any depth outside of their capacities as seen in the show. I will also be redesigning and replacing every single OC in my stories that have one. For example, the new lead character of Romancing the Clouds will be this guy:
Because that's what people WANT. He also will be able to command the souls of hell and he is a death god.
EDIT:
It seems I don't have enough red or black or pure-alicornness. Thank you for pointing this out to me in the comments! See, even with all my thoughts I am STILL making mistakes. This will be my new ponysona ->
Her name is Buttersquash Deathlord X2. Please welcome her. She will be Button Mash's waifu.
In conclusion, I hope that this list of changes will win a lot of readers to my stories and be able to give me the popularity that I am only here for, because who cares about finding niche audiences? That's rubbish. I just want 3000 watchers who will obey my every command like a shar pei puppy. That's the FimFic dream! So thank you to all of you who stuck around and had to put up with my bullshit for all these years. I promise you I'm going to come back in an amazing way, and I only have all of you to thank.
Also, due to the re-branding, I will be deleting all my old stories off the site and changing my nickname to 'Cluster A. Buttrose'.
I think... I think tomorrow will be the best time to do this.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/10/29/135472__safe_fluttershy_image+macro_reaction+image_no.jpg
Don't change.
We need to have a talk.
I seriously hope you're joking because I've seen far too many good writers say stuff like this and actually mean it. Why they do it is still a mystery because they end up losing all their followers and never gaining any because of the fact people feel insulted like when John Ramero released Daikatana.
These all seem like reasonable and well thought-out changes. Good luck with them!
Is it April Fool's yet?
If they can't see through the Tarnish then that's their loss.
Also, top lel. Made my day.
Finally a writer who really gets me! I was born without an imagination, so I'm glad that you are going to start writing in a way that I can fully understand and enjoy. And I love when people go through and kill all their old stories and remove them. Gotta make room for the new! If only other authors and writers could learn from your example. I think the world would be a much better place.
Love you, Kitsune.
The radio said "No, Kitsune. You are the monsters."
And then Kitsune was a fox demon.
At least it's not a red and black alicorn. Then we'd start worrying.
I really like his... mane?
Alright, you had me going until number two. This is clearly a clever way of dealing with that one jackass from private messages or something.
And it is glorious.
Edit: Or its April first. Hell, you didn't get me and that's how it got me.
CLE-VER.
Well played, good sir.
1968731
Thank you for alerting me to where I'd gone wrong. Changes have been made.
I was going to read this but in the very first sentence there is not one, but two words with upward of two syllables.
Had to take a break after typing that word and now I forget what I was saying.
Oh hey look, pictures, Needs more angst.
Your Buttsquash Death-whatever-the-fuck needs a third set of wings. And she's missing her zebra stripes. Do you really wanna send her out in public without zebra stripes?
I...
You glorious basterd. Had me for a moment.
1968751
YOU FOOL
IT'S NOT NEARLY RED ENOUGH IN BALANCE WITH THE BLACK
YOU MANIAC! YOU BLEW IT UP! GOD DAMNIT!
My smile got bigger and bigger the more I read on.
You're early. The crank is supposed to be POSTED on April First.
1968827
Ah, but it would have been too obvious then
I was seriously worried for the last two generations and all that would come after, thinking that this post was serious and that's what actual readers wanted and you would do that in order to appease them
After reading comments, and checking the date, I'm more than willing to believe that this is just an early prank and shall stop worrying for the non-imaginative generations.
Also, DO NOT STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Truly, go against every bullet point you did
Otherwise this would signal the start of the end of writing if every author felt the need to do this as well. 
Ok? ok.
I was actually taking you seriously until the 'imagination' bit, then I flicked through and saw everything. Heh.
Clever, Kit.
Transparent AFDJ is transparent. :|
Gotta love a good bit of satire.
FINALLY. An author who gets what it takes to make it in this world. You're gonna go far, kid.
Kitsune u no I love u rite
Seeing as this is a day early, I almost took this seriously. That is, I almost took the first half of the first point seriously. As I read onward, it became increasingly clear that either you'd lost your mind, or you were pulling one over on us. Now while I know the latter is quite obviously true, I can only guess at the former. I would dearly enjoy the former. I'd finally have someone to drink cactus tea with. I think it's delicious, but so many people keep telling me, "OW! MY TONGUE! THERE ARE NEEDLES IN MY TONGUE! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!", To which I simply respond, "Stop struggling, I'm trying to feed you cactus!"
That's normal, right?
Why would you even keep writing about the Mane 6 when you have two OCs as great as those? You need to ship these two alicorns together.
Day. Made.
I see you finally decided to take my advice, Rissie. Smart move.
Finally, an author who gets me and my needs! I just have one complaint: you didn't mention anything about clop. I am fantastically horny, and demand a constant, steady diet of flimsily-plotted (heh heh), incredibly explicit clop.
0/10 did not read: The use of polysyllabic words renders this blog incomprehensible to me.
. . . I dare you to try to actually write a meaningful blog post with no words over two syllables. I'd really like to see you try. Or possibly I will try.
1968711 I laughed. I laughed hard.
. . . Now I need to think of an April Fool's blog to post tomorrow. That's so much pressure.