15 · 11:16am Mar 5th, 2014
I can't take it anymore. I have been laying on my floor for the past 15 minutes crying becuase people just cant leave me alone. there is always someone who wants something who needs something or just wants to talk. why cant I just have one person who I can be with forever and never have to deal with anyone else and their shit? I may have just lost the only person to fill that role and now I am on a pony fanfiction site pouring my heart into a blog post no one will read. No one wants to understand that I just want to be alone or with one person that I can truly love. like, thats all i want in life. and i thought moving away from everyone I know to live with a guy in an unfamiliar land would be final and would fix anything. but I cant even bring myself to not cry when I talk to him. i let him down so much and I killed my only chance to live my dream. what do you do at that point. where every night you feel like breaking down because thwere too many people in your life, and you always look forward to that one constant.
He was my constant, my one thing I could rely on, and when I crack, when I finally lose it, I end up ruining his friendship with another person, and no one to blame but me. I am so tired of people. I never want to see another flesh but my own and his. but tomorrow, i have to wake up and deal with even more DISGUSTINF MEAT BAGS than yesterday. I am ready to give up entirely. there is no way I can survive on this 2-bit planet with 7 billion other fucked up sacks of blood anymore. I lost my only way out and things are probably going downhill from here.
so much for writing guys. I am probably gona delete this account tomorrow or something. then there is less people to worry about. no more.
not to mention i feel bad, but i thought i could fix it too. FUCK I am such a fucking nutcase. I think I can fix people's problems but I cant even bring myself to talk to a person for more than 5 minutes at a time. cant even stand in a fucking crowd without twitching every direction making sure no one is staring at me. like a freak with my neck rolling arpund on my shoulders like some deranged drug addict. maybe i'll ust stop and go back to my minecraft days. build a house out of diamons on hardcore surival mode. then show the world my potential or something.
What happened...if its alright for me to ask...
It's funny... Just about every time you speak, I can relate. Though I shouldn't say it's funny.
I won't turn this into a paragraph, but I personally hate this God awful planet, and all of the idiots it contains. But we've gotta keep going, eh? Life's a bit like a trampoline. You go down, you come back up. But sometimes, it breaks.
And that's when you stand up and keep jumping, even if there's no trampoline.
Or you could buy a new one.
Sorry, bad time for comedy...
Everything will get better soon. Best wishes. My prayers are with you.
-TCV