Is Mutual Grooming Right for You? · 1:03am Feb 28th, 2014
Admittedly, Mutual Groomers™ are sometimes so excited about our techniques that they forget proper etiquette. For example, in the town of Ponyville, a princess (name withheld), who had been learning to Mutually Groom™ with her boyfriend, was recently sharing a meal with three impressionable foals in a popular luncheonette. She scandalized all patrons within earshot when she said to her young companions, "I had no idea how hungry I was. The only thing that's been in my mouth all day is Flash Sentry's withers."
Obviously, the Mutual Grooming™ Society does not condone such loose talk, especially in front of children.
Inappropriate comments in public bring shame on the Society.
Nonetheless, contrary to popular belief, incidents like this are exceedingly rare. Here at the Mutual Grooming™ Society, we both practice and teach utmost discretion. When you come to the Society, you will find a friendly and helpful staff and clean facilities where you and your friends can practice Mutual Grooming™ in privacy and comfort. Our certified trainers are always on hoof to offer Mutual Grooming™ tips and teach Mutual Grooming™ classes. Remember, Mutual Grooming™ is natural, but it might not feel natural at first to those who have grown up in a kingdom overburdened with unwholesome, chemical-laden "hygiene" products.
That stuff'll kill you.
If you've ever wondered why your skin seems so dry and itchy and why you need to lather on moisturizer and treat yourself to regular seaweed wraps, it's because ponies were never meant to bathe in harsh chemicals such as lye-based soaps. Once you've mastered the methods of Mutual Grooming™, you may never feel the need to use such products again: many of our graduates are so pleased with the results of Mutual Grooming™, they've given up spa visits, moisturizers, and even regular bathing—and they've saved a lot of money in the process.
Ponies weren't meant to bathe. Ponies were meant to roll in the dust and lick each other, and here at the Mutual Grooming™ Society, we do exactly that.
Typical graduate of a Mutual Grooming™ Society seminar.
But Mutual Grooming™ doesn't simply put more bits in your moneybag. Our members have discovered that Mutual Grooming™ has a wide variety of uses around the home!
Mutual Grooming™ can make you feel closer to and more relaxed with anypony you regularly interact with. For example, Mutual Grooming™ can be used . . .
. . . Between friends . . .
. . . Between parents and children . . .
. . . And even between ponies and their pets!
Yes, Mutual Grooming™ is revolutionizing relationships across Equestria, and we finally have the rich bosses of Big Hygiene on the run!
A typical boss of Big Hygiene.
And though some of our experts recommend against it, a few of our members have even used our Mutual Grooming™ techniques on their two-legged hairless ape slaves, as described in this brief instructional video:
As you know, our ancestors almost wiped out these wretched creatures, which they rightly called Yahoos, but elected to keep a small herd of them after discovering that their grotesque appendages (popularly called "hands") are good for scratching spots we can't reach. Because Yahoos are weak physically as well as mentally and morally, it is important to remember not to be too vigorous with your teeth should you decide to groom one.
But it's still a good idea to give a Yahoo a nip every once in a while, just to keep it in its proper place.
So consider, pony. Are you ready to save time and money while getting closer to your loved ones? Are you ready to improve your health and stop exposing yourself unnecessarily to unnatural chemical concoctions foisted on you by a consortium of money-grubbing businessponies? Then there is nothing to lose and everything to gain, so enroll in the local chapter of your Mutual Grooming™ Society today!
Pfft. What old-fashioned views. There's no real need for mutual grooming anymore, despite what your parents may have told you. Science has shown that self-grooming in the privacy of your own room is not only more common than many people think, but natural and healthy as well.
And if you need to look at a mirror or use an artificial device such as a vacuum cleaner or detachable showerhead in order to get clean, there's nothing shameful about that.
1880433
You cannot possibly scratch your own withers. It's physically impossible.
Lol, that horse in the first video.
"What the fu... Oh, crap. Um... hi! Yeah, this.... this is normal. Trust me..."
But showers are so convenient! And you can sing off key in them.
1880438 I don't know about you, but if I can't reach a part of my own body, I tend to work around that physical limitation. Typically using discarded factory equipment.
1880438
Telekinesis. That is all.
Also, really? You censor out the princess's name but not that of her hapless paramour? He has a military career to think of, you know!
Unless this is all just part of a plot by the Princess of Domain To Be Determined to leave Mr. Sentry with no choice but to be her full-time colttoy...
Who established the MGS again?
Side effects of MG may include dry mouth
nervous irritability 
confusion 
and increased fabulousness. 