Drops of Silver: Analyzing Hopes and Aspirations · 8:52pm Feb 14th, 2014

Hey y'all!

So, I'm finally back with a review. For some reason, I struggled to sit down and just write this. But, I managed to shove my evil, sluggish self down and made time to read this. Now I did this one at the request of a friend. I'm sorry for those of you out there who are still waiting for me to review your stories, but friends and family come first for me. Anyway, this story is called Hopes and Aspirations, part 1/3. So there will be more. Now generally, I don't like reviewing an incomplete story, but this isn't just an incomplete story, it's a part. So it's more of a trilogy, and this is part 1, not just and incomplete story... that probably didn't make sense... just go with it!
Some side notes? Well, I guess I would like some more views on my stories and songs... but that's more of a request. Like I said in a previous blog post, I will have a new story up soon. And... a new song is in the works.
So, let's tear this thing apart, rip it! Shred it to pieces in search of all of it's faults! In the words of a famous Jaeger pilot... I'm gonna burn this son of bitch!
Just kidding... but I won't go easy on it, despite the author's desperate pleas...

So I want to start by saying this is a great story. It is an OC story, of course, but that doesn't mean it can't be a good story. I'm tired of seeing people say “It's about an OC! It sucks!” NO, that is all false hoods and rumors. It is NOT true.
Now this story is about Bass Line, the OC of my friend. But it doesn't just start at Bass Line being all grown up and everything. It starts at his birth, which I will elaborate on a bit. He mom and his dad were both under aged when they 'did it'. Thankfully, he didn't detail it, like some fics do. So then the two young parents are trying to cope with this decision, when the dad takes off. In his final letter he left, he states he is too young to be dealing with this. Okay, so while this didn't have enough time to build up a dramatic feeling, it was kind of sad.
So then the mom takes Bass to the orphanage once he is born, along with his twin sister. So I was thinking, through all this, I understand that his mom didn't have the money, nor the resources to raise them properly, fine. So she wants to take them to an orphanage fine. But did she go in the rain? I'm pretty sure she didn’t need to take them there THAT day or it would never happen. She could have waited for a day when it was either raining less or not at all. Her actions caused the death of her daughter, who died of hypothermia. So now Bass Line is alone.
Now here are the main things I like about Bass Line. The fact that his wings make the sound of a bass line while he flaps them is cool, despite the fact some might say the author is just being full of himself, giving his OC a special ability. I don't give a shit. He can make his OC how he wants. He likes music, and spends a lot of time with his music, more specifically, his DJ mixer. I also like how Bass Line is secluded. He doesn't have friends, nor he feel the need to make some. Not only does this set up some major possibilities for plots later on, it is also a lot like me.
Now here is what I didn't like about him. Sure, he wants to be alone, I understand. But he doesn't have to be angry. Unless, of course, they won't stop pestering him, which we were hinted at in the story, so while it makes sense, I still don't like it. Of course, again, this sets up amazing plot ability in the future, he didn't make friends, in fact he rather angrily rejected him, so then he needs some and no one will answer his call.
Of course, there were other characters here. Rainbow Dash, as a filly. That was a nice addition to the plot, but think about it. Is there really only ONE school in all of Cloudsdale? If it is the Pegasi city, there has to be more than one school. The chances of Bass going to the same school as Rainbow Dash is low, but I guess it's just a minor complaint. Then of course, if Rainbow Dash is there, Fluttershy has to be there as well. I think it was a little... prideful of the author to say he was friends with Rainbow Dash. That's kind of important. I'm sure, if they were as good of friends in the show as it says they were in the story, wouldn't Rainbow remember? But, that's the problem with all fan fiction.
So, Rainbow Dash. She was completely in character. Everything she said and everything she did, not one deviance I could see. She was just as loud, outgoing, blunt, and prideful as she is in the show. The part I like most is when she and Fluttershy are trying to find Bass Line because they think something is wrong.

Fluttershy: “umm, if you think it won’t be invading his privacy.”
Rainbow Dash: “Na, we are doing this to help him.”

Where have we seen this before? Daring Don't? Yeah, she wasn't exactly mindful of personal space there either. Of course, in this story, it turned out to be a good thing.
Fluttershy was pretty much spot on, save a few things. One of those is she didn't seem shy enough. In the class room, fine, she barely spoke above a whisper. But then, after that, she seemed to warm up to Bass pretty fast. While it took a bit for Fluttershy to get to know and like Twilight, she seemed to like bass almost instantly, right after there first encounter. Then, she was flying to find Bass... but she was never a good flier. She even almost died due to her lack of being able to fly. Yet she was right there with Rainbow Dash, chasing after Bass.
Now I really like where the plot is going here. I personally find stories like this, where it's like a life story, a biography if you will. Plus, the author is good at telling stories. I think he's a good writer. There were only a few things I found wrong with what he wrote about.
Why, when Acrimony attacked him, was the cloud he hit hard? Pegasi can stand on them, sure, but that doesn't mean they are hard. It would be akin to standing on your bed, I would think. So while it's not soft, it wouldn't be hard enough to daze him.
Also, and this is more of a question, why does Bass feel the need to keep his emotions to himself after he was attacked by Acrimony? What suddenly changed in that attack?
And lastly, this is more nitpicking, but Acrimony isn't a pegasus. I know, he asked the author to put him in the story, but I've seen Acriimony's OC. He's a regular earth pony. Sure the author had an opening, and he filled it, but he probably should have waited for an appropriate slot to open to insert Acrimony.
And lastly, the grammar. It wasn't terrible, I was able to read it without to much trouble, but there was still a few problems, like with the quote above. But it wasn't anything major, and I’ve read worse.
So, all in all, how would I rate this story? Well, in my professional opinion, I give it an 8. It is a good story, but there are still some big things wrong. In my personal opinion, I give it a 9, because I really like the story.
Anyway, I recommend checking this story out, I can't wait to see it grow and blossom into what it's meant to be. Keep at it Bass Line, you're a good writer and I look forward to more work from you.

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