A short story dedicated to Pokemon battles · 9:51am Feb 9th, 2014
This is based on my friend Luke. Of course it is. He has a 100% win rate after a ridiculous number of battles and, believe it or not, this is based on his favourite, if silliest, team.
Hey, a man's gotta have favourites.
Warning: This is Very Very Silly with capital letters. You will probably laugh and wonder why.
Trainer Wants to Battle!
Go, Blaziken!
Rival Trainer uses Steelix!
"Huh, weak to fire, alright, I guess I switch to-"
NO TIME! Blaziken USES FIRE BLAST
IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
"What? Hey, you can't do that!"
Blaziken TOTALLY JUST DID THAT!
"I- Fine, fuck, GO, BLASTOISE!"
Luke: "Huh, water type, Blaziken's weak against that, I guess I should switch out my Blaziken, then. Blaziken, return! Go, Blaziken!"
"Wait, what?"
Blaziken STARTS GATHERING SUNLIGHT!
"YOU TAUGHT YOUR BLAZIKEN SOLAR BEAM? WHAT THE ACTUAL F- Echem. No matter, I can still one hit kill you whilst-"
Blaziken IS DONE CHARGING, BY VIRTUE OF BEING ON FUCKING FIRE. Blaziken USED SOLAR BEAM.
Blastoise fainted.
"I- WHAT?! Alright, I'm sick of this bullshit, go, Alakazam!"
Luke: "Huh, psychic type, Blaziken's weak against that, I guess I should switch out my Blaziken, then. Blaziken, return! Go, Blaziken!"
"YOU ACTUALLY- CAN YOU PLEASE START MAKING SENSE?!"
Blaziken used Extrasensory!
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! AND BLAZIKEN CAN'T EVEN LEARN THAT!"
Blaziken status renders it immune.
"'Oh, and what status is that?' He asks, sarcastically"
IDGAF
"OH NOW COME ON?! Well, at least Alakazam is resistant to psychic. Alakazam, use Psychic!"
Alakazam used Psychic!
It's Super Effective!
Blaziken has fainted!
"Normally I'd question why you went first when Alakazam is at least 50% faster but you know what? I'm done questioning this."
Blaziken! Return!
Go, Blaziken!
"Psychic."
Alakazam used Psychic.
It's Super Effective!
Blaziken has fainted!
"Wait... really?"
Go, Blaziken!
"I should have guessed. Psychic."
Alakazam used Psychic!
It missed...
"Oh. Oh, FUC-"
Blaziken used Fissure!
It's a One Hit K.O!
Alakazam fainted!
"JESUS CHRIST?! HOW THE HELL DOES BLAZIKEN KNOW FISSURE?! God, I thought I was done questioning this. Go, Gyaradose!"
Gyaradosite acquired. Mega Evolving into Mega Gyradose.
"... Okay, I don't think that's how that works, but nothing about this battle has made sense and it's the first time it's been in my... favour... Wait, did it just lose its Flying bonus for Dark? It did, didn't it. Son of a BITC-"
Mega Gyaradose uses Aqua Tail!
Blaziken is Bitch Slapped all the way to the Orange Islands!
Blaziken has fainted!
Luke: "Blaziken, return!"
Luke used Mega Punch!
Pokeball is sent flying after Blaziken!
This May Take A While!
"Go, Blaziken!"
"That's.... four Blazikens."
Blazekonite acquired. Mega Blaziken emerges from the ashes.
"Scratch that, three Blazikens and a mega. Great."
"Gyaradose, use Hydro P-"
Blaziken used Sky Uppercut
Mega Gyaradose was launched into lower Earth orbit!
Mega Gyaradose has fainted!
"... Fuck. I really miss that 'flying' type. Err... Can... does anybody know how to get him back down?"
Earth uses Gravity
Earth missed!
"... Gyradose, return? No? Go... Oh for fuck's sake, go Sceptile."
Mega Blaziken has started laughing.
"I really hate you. Use... oh, fuck, is that all you know? Shit. I really did not plan for this. It was not possible to plan for this. Sceptile, use Leaf Blade... I guess."
Sceptile uses Leaf Blade.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile is Burned!
Mega Blaziken laughs harder.
Mega Blaziken cannot move this round. It has collapsed from laughter.
"Sceptile. Use... Energy ball."
Rival Trainer uses facepalm
It's not very effective...
Sceptile uses Energy Ball!
It's not very effective...
Mega Blaziken cannot breathe!
Mega Blaziken faints from laughter!
Mega Blaaziken has fainted!
"Hooray?"
"Blaziken return, go Blaziken!"
"... Yeah, saw that one coming. Sceptile use 'Beg for mercy!'"
Sceptile uses beg for mercy!
Sceptile's attack misses!
Blaziken uses Cremate!
Sceptile has "Fainted"
Sceptile will be mourned
Trainer has received Jar Of Ashes.
"... I think I'm going to be sick... Is it... is it possible to run away from a trainer- no? Fuck! Okay, okay, go, Salamence!"
Blaziken used-
Salamence used Bite. Salamence used Crunch.
Blaziken has "Fainted".
Luke has received Leftovers!
"..."
Luke: "... Mate."
Luke sent out Blaziken.
"Of course he- Wait is that shiny?"
The shininess of the Blaziken burns Salamences eyes.
Salamence's Accuracy has been lowered!
"I don't think that's how... that... wait, I just used the word 'think' in a sentence. There's my problem. Use Dragon Tail!"
"Blaziken, use Endure!"
Salamence uses Dragon Tail
Blaziken is shot straight into lower Earth orbit.
Blaziken Holds On!
"Wait, did I just win or not?"
Blaziken has learned a new move, forget old move?
"What?"
1... 2... 3... POOF!
Blaziken has forgot flamethrower!
Blaziken has learned to use Gyaradose!
"Wait, WHAT?!"
Earth used Gravity!
Blaziken's Speed has increased.
"Oh... oh dear god..."
Blaziken's speed has increased.
"Someone please tell me this isn't happening. Salamence, use d-"
Blaziken's speed cannot rise any higher
Blaziken used Gyaradose!
Critical Hit!
Salamence has fainted.
Gyaradose has fainted... again.
Blaziken has moulted from re-entry! Special Attack increase
Trainer has run out of usable pokemon. Trainer has whited out!
"Bwuh? Huh? Zah? Gah?"
Trainer is confused. He hurt himself in his confusion!
Trainer has fainted!
Luke wins the battle!
I managed to get a Raichu to level 100.
It knows Thunderbolt, Electro Ball, Thunder Wave, and Double Team.
I am fighting the Kalos Elite Four. The water one. Can't remember his name.
He sends out Gyarados. Water/Flying.
Electro Ball gets stronger the faster the user is than the opponent. Opponent is level 60 odd Gyarados. I hit it with Thunder Wave. Paralysis lowers speed. Lvl. 100 Raichu.
Electro Ball.
Given the speed difference, I am guessing I got the maximum 150 power.
4x Super Effective thanks to dual weaknesses.
Same Type Attack Bonus.
Critical Hit to boot.
2((150 + 75) x 4) = 1800 damage, before special defense kicks in. Or to put it another way, time to catch a new Gyarados.
No wait, I had a magnet. When does it's 20% boost enter play? Oh shoot, I also forgot to factor his special attack in.
Holy Christ. I looked up the damage formula on Bulbapedia.
Damn math.
D = ( ( (2 x 100 + 10)/250) + Spc ATK (?) / Spc DEF(?) ) x Modifier
M = 75 x 4 x 1.5 x 30 x .85
1814296
What damage do you think a fighting type could get off using a Gyaradose as a gravity hammer at terminal velocity?
1814306
Hmm
Lesse.
Assume it has base power equal to at least Explosion. Terminal Velocity racks up the ATK stat to maximum. Fighting move, so it gets STAB from that. Friction causes ignition of the Gyarados, so it's a dual type move with fire. More STAB. Dragon resists fire, but takes normal damage from fighting. Flying resists fighting, but normal from fire. So, 4x resistance. (Ouch) Minimum possible level of Salamence is level 50. Blaziken is clearly level 100. Unless it has broken the level cap of course. Which is distinctly possible. But for now, I assume it has not.
Clearly an ATK move. Obviously it crits. No items.
Say, 145 DEF vs. 372 ATK (Base stats)
D = ( ( ( 2 x 100 +10 ) / 250 ) + 372\145 ) x ( 125 x .25 x 1.5 x .93 )
D = 3.41 x 43.59
D = 148.45 if I did the math right.
Huh. Surprisingly poor. The Quad resist made it survivable. The minimum possible health for a Salamence at level 50 is 155 hp. It would have survived.
1814358
...
MATHS!
1814370
I goofed. I forgot to factor the ATK stat increases. The attack actually does 485 damage. Salamence is toast.
Wow, I forgot to add the actual ATK power too. This is why you don't let me math.
.BAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
I love this.
My sides are hurting. 