Why I wrote Hormones [SPOILERS]

I just thought I'd take a quick sec and talk about my inspiration for Hormones, my second fanfic.

I want to preface this by saying I absolutely love this show and all of it's fans. I love the cuteness, the memes, the wonderful characters, the excellent music. I'm truly a HUGE fan of MLP:FiM. I'm a fan of animation and voice acting and when I heard about the show I figured it was something people were embracing ironically, but when I watched it for the first time I realized that I was wrong, it's actually THAT GOOD of a show. Now, I've met new brony friends and converted many of my old friends into bronies. I just want to say, to the awesome fanbase, THANK YOU!! Thank you all for making obsessing over this show so much fun. All your fanfics and fanart and fanmusic and parody videos and PMVs are what make the long wait between episodes bearable.

That said, the fanfics I write tend to be extremely graphic, horrible clop-fic abominations. I'm not really that sick of an individual, I just enjoy writing that stuff. Some people write gore-fics, some people write sad-fics, I like writing clop-fics. Maybe someday I'll write something that isn't sexual, but for now it's what inspires me. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I think of clop-fics as art, just like any other writing.

I decided to try my hand at fanfiction when I was inspired to write my first one, Summer Flight Camp... which was a Flutterrape fic based on a scene from Cutie Mark Chronicles where Fluttershy is a filly at summer flight camp. It was an idea that poured into my head one day and I simply had to put it on paper. I was really happy with how that one turned out. It could be better, yes, but overall I thought I did a very good job on it. It thrilled me to have written something like that, it was my own creepy little secret. It made me want to write another fic, but I decided that if I was to write something else it'd have to be MAX disturbing. I'd want to write something that I'd never be able to top, something that made people reading it go "God, whoever wrote this is a horrible, twisted, sick human being."

The one thing I believe strongly in however is the idea that I don't write something "just because"... I have to be inspired first. An idea has to flow into my head, so vividly that I can picture it with graphic detail, the way my first fic had come to me. I needed inspiration so I thought and thought, and came up with a number of ideas, none of them really inspired me. I could've written a number of stories, but the only idea that really intrigued me was this one I had about Spike. I imagined how it would play out, a number of lines came to me, like the one about how Spike was glad he was the only one with thumbs. I knew certain words I wanted to use, like "primal". I knew it would be disturbing because the plot was basically "spike is a pervert... how perverted is he?" which gives me free reign to think "Okay, what's the most deplorable, socially-unacceptable, perverted shit I can think of... hmmmm, beastiality and pedophilia!"

I didn't have a hard outline of the story when I started writing, I just kind of winged it and let the ideas fill themselves in. Starting it was the hardest part, but once I had an opening I knew how things would roughly progress until chapter 2... I knew that the story was going to have 3 to 5 chapters and that it would progress from least disturbing to most disturbing as Spike fell furthur into depravity.

Looking back I really like how it plays out [spoiler alert] going from voyeurism where the reader thinks, "okay, he's just a horny boy we all could do that" until the cum eating thing at the end of CH1 which lets them know "okay, this is going to be disturbing". Then to what he does in CH2 which is a little more over-the-edge, but not so much that it's unbelievable, to his pedophilia fantasy in CH3 and a little bit of snuff (which I threw in on a whim while I was writing it and am glad I did (I think it makes it 20% more disturbing /)^3^(\ )), to finally the main event in CH4 which makes the reader really step back and go O____O.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT IT WOULD END THE WAY IT DID WHEN I STARTED WRITING IT. I was halfway through writing Chapter 3 when I thought about the ending. It had written itself. It seemed like the logical conclusion... I had already written in foreshadowing with lines like when Spike said he'd think of killing himself if he ever lost Twilight's friendship. The idea of a final note to Celestia was the icing on the cake that came to me and forced me to write it the way it ended. It was a really painful section to write, Especially for me since a very very close friend of mine had just taken his life by hanging in August. I thought hard about it, I didn't really want to write something like that, but I knew I must. I wanted the story to be as good as I could write it and this was the best avenue to go down. So it turned into a sadfic/clopfic hybrid, which I think makes it all the more disturbing and I'm happy I ended it the way I did. (I did cry manly tears when I wrote then ending)

Some people have said things like "what did this story accomplish, there was no lesson, you just killed off a beloved character" and "why didn't he just run away?" to which I say 1) there doesn't always need to be a lesson, it's a tragic tale... that's the point. Perhaps I was trying to illustrate how pointless suicide is and how terrible of a thing it is for those who are left behind. and 2) The idea was that Spike hated himself for what he'd done... he realized that he was a danger to others. He was doing and thinking monstorous things. He couldn't just run away because his friends would come looking for him and he couldn't make any new friends as long as his mind was in such a fucked up place... he'd be a danger to anyone he met, and then what's the point of living if you can't find love or friendship?

So that's kind of the thought process that went into Hormones. I wanted to write something horribly disturbed, but I wanted to make it good. I hope people enjoy it and I hope lots of people read it and think I'm a horrible waste of human life... that is the reaction I was going for afterall. ^_^

Thanks for reading. I don't know if I'll write anything else. Only time will tell. Just wait and see I guess.