New Putting Here Heads Chapter Possibly Today. (I hope I do well.) · 6:14pm Jan 20th, 2014
I got to say I'm a little nervous. Not since My Mortal Big Brother has a story I written gotten this much attention this quickly. I always aim to please, but I always worry about slipping up. Is the chapter to short? Is there to much dialogue and not enough action? Are the characters, in character? Also, just a quick heads up, the first deprecation takes place in this chapter, and there is blood. I felt like even though it's a comedy, I should keep a scene of drama to the story. Also, we will learn a little bit more about Hydras, and how may have altered the real Rainbow Dash.
I'm going to work with my editor now. I hope you all like it.
Also, someone was asking about "souls" and "individuality" before. The details about that are going to be filled in between this and the next chapter.
Should be out soon. Finished my edits. Think your going to like the humorous moments in it.
I can look over the grammar and typos here and there, but I think your new chapter exposed a problem for me as a reader.
When I'm reading Fluttershy's line about a Hydra's sex hormones, the phrasing to me sounds as if she knew about it forwards backwards and sideways; as if Twilight was speaking for her. The point is I don't feel the dialogue given to the ponies properly reflects the character's own personality.
For instance, when Rainbow says, "“I only just found out I have a penis.” Something about that statement just doesn't sound right coming out like that. I would had her mumbling uncomfortably about the fact or something, just to make it seem more true to her character.
I hope what I'm saying came out correctly so that it made sense.
But I like your story's overall concept alot! Just make sure to keep what I said in mind.
1742530 Keeping characters in character is always very important. Fluttershy knowledge of Hydras stems for her fascination with nature. If you read the comic series, there was this ruining gag where she new all these facts about a couple of the monsters they ran into. But in restropset, I probably should have added a segment where she mentioned reading up on them after her last encounter.
As for Rainbow Dash and her vulgarity... I guess that stems form me reading too much fanfiction. Wile she is my favorite character, she is a bit brash and can be kind of blunt sometimes. I'm kind of like that myself sometimes myself.
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