EWhen All You Have Is Memories
MLP: FiM
Sad
Twilight Sparkle learns to cope with the loss of her friends with help from a most unexpected source.
Alt. Universe
Twilight
OC
Nightmare Moon
keaton-furman-prower · 3.1k words · 216 7 · 6.3k views

Another CinemaSins review of my own work! · 7:05am Jan 17th, 2014

...I fell that I should be working on my fanfics rather than doing these silly things.

Oh well, let's get to it.

Everything Wrong With

When All You Have Is Memories

Spoilers!

(duh)

When All You Have Is Memories

I'm not the type to give a f*ck about grammar, but I'm sure it should be "Are" rather than "Is." (1)

Also, this story piggybacks on the success of a far better one. (2)

The rain seemed to reflect her somber mood

Because when you're a pony demigoddess, you tell the weather what it can and cannot do. (3)

All six ponies had a look of determination on their faces, and the smiles on their faces told of six inseparable friends who could achieve any task as long as they had each other.

Except find a cure for aging and mortality. (4)

The memory of the five bearers of the Elements of Harmony – Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Princess Twilight Sparkle – is here immortalized in stone

And yet only one of them is actually immortal. (5)

It had been exactly a hundred years since the last of the mortal bearers had finally and inevitably exhaled her last breath,

Yet she still hasn't gotten over it. I mean, yeah, it will probably never stop hurting, but she probably should have moved on by now. I mean, it's been an entire freaking century! (6)

It's been another good year.

"I mean, you're dead, but it's been a good year for me." (7)

And the funny thing is, before I met you guys, I never really had friends, and then I thought that I'd be lost without the friendships I made.

"And if I hadn't met you, I would be dead right now, instead of whining about how all of you are dead." (8)

Finally, due to her status as a princess, it was agreed that the royal guard would be her dominion.

Doesn't each princess have her own royal guard? I mean, I'm sure she's pretty good at what she does if she's given control over the entire guard, but should anypony be given control over the entire royal guard? (9)

Her ascension to the rank of supreme commander of the Equestrian army had not gone uncontested, however. Due to her dark and troubled past, some ponies doubted that she was fit to lead the army, while others feared that she may use the army's resources to incite a hostile takeover or overthrow of the government. Ultimately, the older princesses had managed to convince everypony that the royal guard was safe in her capable hooves, and that she was physically and psychologically equipped to lead the army, and so she became the Guardian Princess of Equestria.

That sounds so awesome! I'd totally read that! But no, all we get is a moping alicorn being cheered up by her daughter. (10)

However, we asked several ponies as to her possible location,

Dude, it's nighttime. Who the hell stays up this late?! (11)

And even if they did, why would they ever know of the location of this one specific pony? (12)

“ATTENTION, ROYAL GUARDS,” she declared in the Royal Canterlot Voice. “YOUR TASK OF SEARCHING FOR MOTHER HAS BEEN SUSPENDED. I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTINUE THE SEARCH ON MY OWN. YOUR HELP HAS BEEN APPRECIATED, AND YOU SHALL BE REWARDED LATER. FOR NOW, I MUST SEEK MOTHER ON MY OWN.”

Way to burst your army's eardrums, Nyx. (13)

Twilight lied curled up next to the statue, sobbing softly in the rain. The memories of her adventures with her friends continued to haunt her even after all those years. How long would she have to endure the pain before it faded? Would it even fade away?

I don't know, Twilight. Maybe you should go see a psychiatrist at some point? (14)

If she had ever realized the full implications of her newly achieved royalty, she would no doubt have considered herself far less fortunate.

In other words, Twilight forgot to do her homework, which is very un-Twilight of her. (15)

She would often tell her friends how much she regretted becoming an alicorn, and begging for their forgiveness. In spite of this, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, insisted that she had nothing to apologize for, and remained loyal to her until they each died, one by one.

"Begging for forgiveness when there is nothing to forgive" cliché. (16)

Before her stood another alicorn, her black coat and purple mane perfectly complimenting her dark blue armor, which covered her body and hooves.

Up until this point the author has clearly tired to mask Nyx's true identity, even though it is painfully obvious to just about everyone. (17)

Please do not apologize, mother, you have every right to feel this pain.

"Not to mention that there are sick bastards who enjoy reading about your suffering." (18)

“Or why couldn't I grow old and die with them?!”

I don't know, Twilight. There are plenty of characters who would kill to be immortal. Most of them Dragon Ball Z villains. (19)

“IT'S NOT FAIR!” screamed Twilight. “I THOUGHT THEY WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME, AND I WOULD BE THERE FOR THEM, BUT... BUT THEY... THEY HAD TO…”

I know she's grieving for her friends and all, but why does she have to use her Royal Canterlot Voice? Her daughter is standing right next to her! Admittedly, she's also an alicorn, and can probably tolerate it, but still... (20)

The violet alicorn stopped screaming, her Royal Canterlot Voice slowly reducing itself to a quiet sob.

I don't want to be a dick, but this kind of proves my point. She could have just cried in silence. (21)

You have been away for a long time, and the others worry for you.

"Mostly me, though. But, you know, others." (22)

And besides, it is not good for you to be out in this rain.”

Because immortal pony demigoddesses can totally catch colds. (23)

As the two alicorns approached the castle, they took a moment to rest on a cloud bank.

And why exactly did they have to rest? (24)

She then thought of Nyx. She had started her life as a frightened filly unaware of her true identity as the reincarnated form of the evil Nightmare Moon. In spite of the little filly's obvious resemblance to the evil monarch, Twilight had taken her in and raised her as her daughter, which had eventually enabled the little alicorn to find her true path.

In case you didn't read Past Sins first, which is... pretty much no one who'd ever read this. (25)

And, like Twilight, Nyx had made friends, who had always been ready to do anything to help her, even if it meant being captured by Nightmare Moon's followers.
And she too had lost them as they grew old and died.

"Parent/child similarities" cliché. (26)

“They all died years ago. How... do you cope with the fact they all died years ago and you're still young and vibrant?”

"Young" and "Vibrant" are two words which should never be used in a sentence about someone dying of old age. (27)

Sometimes, in my nightmares, I turned back into the Mare in the Moon, and I... ended up destroying everything I loved.”

"And Princess Luna didn't do sh*t about my nightmares." (28)

Even after all those years, it was still hard to think about those days.

But she's clearly moved on, unlike her mother, who is older than her and so logically ought to be wiser than her. (29)

“And then, sometimes, when I heard Cheerilee talking about history, it reminded me that the Princesses could live forever, while other ponies were mere mortals.

In other words, we are all "mere" to Nyx. (30)

“But I was also happy for me, because I knew that now, even if I outlived my friends and everypony else, I would never outlive you, and I would never have to watch you grow old and die. That day was the happiest day of my life because I knew that you would truly be there for me forever.”

Yeah, f*ck everypony else. My mom will still be there for me. (31)

Also, I'm pretty sure most people would consider living with their mother forever to be a fate worse than death. (32)

And, just like you, I have lost my grandparents, and my uncle Shining Armor.

And, if Past Sins is to be believed, Princess Cadance as well. But maybe she's immortal too, because she's an alicorn, and f*ck Past Sins. (33)

Actually, that's worth another sin right there. (34)

You've always been there for me, and I know you always will be, even as everypony else who I know eventually dies.

"Also, Spike, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Peewee, and maybe Princess Cadance. But they don't count to me." (36)

“It's funny,” said Twilight. “You're my daughter, and yet sometimes it seems as if you're so much wiser than me.”
“Well, maybe I just understand these sorts of things better that you,” said Nyx. “After all, I've been an alicorn longer than you have.”

I know fanfiction isn't the best way to answer this but here goes: How does alicornization work, exactly?! (37)

Dear Princess Celestia;

After all these years of being her equal, Twilight still refers to Celestia by her full title. (38)

Also, she still writes to Celestia. (39)

I know now that, while my friends have long since died, I am not alone. I have Spike, my loyal assistant, who has always done his best to help me. I have Peewee, who, while not always the easiest bird to handle, has been a faithful pet to Spike, then Nyx. And I have you, my ever-present teacher, always there to help me when I needed it most.

Now they get mentioned. Are we ever going to find out anything else about them? (40)