Happy... · 1:35am Jan 15th, 2014
Honestly, this is just a sad little rant that you can easily avoid by continuing to scroll down your feed. For those of you who actually want to hear me bitch and moan about my life...
Well, you're still here. I'm gonna say it outright: life sucks. I know I've said it before, but life's not happy with me. I'm relatively certain that I am, in fact, physically addicted to my girlfriend. Now, I don't mean sexually, I mean: I care about her to the point that if I don't see her within 24 hour intervals, I go through "withdrawals". That's in quotations because I'm sure it's not quite like a withdrawal from actual drugs. These "withdrawals" make me extremely critical of myself. And with good reason. She deserves more. I can't give her more. She seems to think I'm better than I am. I scared to find the day when she sees this. You might not know this, but I'm dating a schizophrenic. She's taking medication for it and everything, but she says if she were to stop taking it she'd likely end up torturing me. The worst part is: I wouldn't mind all that much. I feel I deserve pain. So many people have stayed strong over so much more, and I break over stupid ass things like the fucking picture I drew. I'm not crazy. I really am not. But life doesn't feel right. It seems more like a dream. It's like I'm trying to wake up so life fucks with me more. My sense of reality is just as stable as anybody else's. Don't worry about me committing suicide or anything like that. Suicide is called the cowards act, but it takes courage. I lack the will to do it. Besides, deaths too good for me. God, I sound like an attention whore. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
1719795 Perhaps I will. Although I'm not really much of a pessimist. Maybe a realist, but not a pessimist. I've often been called an optimist... I've never heard of DPD. Looks like I get to do a bit of studying...