You should probably read this.

Envy and Arrogance has been put on hold for a massive rewrite. You might be wondering why this is. Well, I'll tell you. It's because my story is not yet good enough for Equestria Daily.

Now, I never expected that I would send in a rough draft to that magnificent site and have them revere it like Past Sins. I didn't. That would be unreasonable. However, now that I know my story has potential (because they took the time to point out what was wrong), I will correct the errors that I mistakenly put in the story. I'll name a few:

1.) Show, not tell. I could think up of multiple very strong words to describe this particular rule of the pen, but instead I will just say that it is my most major problem and will be fixed.
2.) Out of characters, namely Fluttershy and Dash, apparently. I did have a great amount of trouble with Fluttershy and I will be basically reexamining ever single thing she says, but I was surprised when they mentioned Dash. Oh, well, I suppose I'll find out what I was doing wrong there, as well, but to be perfectly honest I was having more trouble with Pinkie.
3.) Ellipsis abuse. Yeah, I'll admit that's a problem.
4.) The choppy music system interrupting the narrative. The system is still in its baby state, but it going to move on to stage #2, hopefully an improvement.

So, if you suddenly find that this story is no longer able to be read or something in the text suddenly changes, this is why. This is the stage when my story turns from a caterpillar into a butterfly. And from there? Something greater.

Rewriting should be done by October 5th. Message me for more information, and cheers!

Comments

[bearcat]

rule 1 is a biggie all across writerdom and everyone falls to it occasionally.

#2 your chars aren't as out of sync as some I've read but who the mane six are at heart is the whole of what makes this fan-fiction genre so popular. But trying to align, to sink into, six different ponies and have them all sound just right? Yeah that will take some time.

and skipping to #4 I have to say that personally, if I wanted to watch a movie I'd watch a movie. I'm not a fan of the author telling me what music to listen to when I'm reading. No offense but the links weren't offensive to me because I skipped right past them!

Anyway, good luck on your rewrite. I think I haven't read past chapter six or something but it seemed like it was building up to something interesting.