13 · 3:09am Dec 30th, 2013
Dear Loyal Watchers, Interested Visitors, Readers of My Long-Suffering Opus, and Confused Passersby:
The thirteenth chapter of Zenith is now sitting before my editors and pre-readers.
Depending upon how you choose to describe "writer", I have been a fan fiction author for twelve through fifteen years.
I have never been more afraid of how any of my writing would be accepted as I am about this next chapter.
I have spent nearly 90,000 words getting Spike to the point where he makes a choice and does something that he would never do in the canon. I have broken him down and remade him as something else. I can only now hope that I have been equal to the task.
I am very worried though.
I invoke a "drama" that we had all hoped had passed. I make wild assumptions about canon, and insert my own fanon with abandon. I paint a picture of a character that others may not agree with. I use a narrative device that I am not that familiar with and do not know if I have used successfully.
But, most worrying of all... when I re-read my words, I did not cry. I did not rage. I did not hate.
That's bad, because I desperately want my readers to do those things.
This is the most important chapter of the first book. It is the one where I have my last chance to show why Spike is doing what he is doing, and why he is doing it in the manner that he is. It is my last chance to hint at larger things. It is my last chance to show the glimpses of the world that he is skirting and the ancient causes of all he must deal with.
Because, after this chapter, there is no going back.
After Immature, I have been filled with doubt about my writing. I have wembled over this chapter for three months, and you have all been more than patient. I can only trust in my editors and pre-readers... and hope that I can draw out the emotions that drive this, the most important chapter of the first book.
Stay Awesome,
-T.D.
My body has never been more ready.
My body has never been so ready.
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My body is too... my right arm hurts. I think I gave myself Carpral Tunnel writing this chapter.
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Hopefully so!
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well, I was certainly beat to the punchline here.
Don't. That story is considered legend-material.
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24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc0zmmCOao1rt7k10o1_500.jpg
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I'm glad that you think so.
You've kept me interested, which in its own right is an accomplishment. As you always hear people say all the time, we are our own worst critics. Which is completely true. Don't worry, TD. We'll love it.
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Thanks for the confidence-boosting.
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I don't. Unfortunately, I haven't read it. I hear about it every once in awhile and whenever I see a new RariTwi story, it's not uncommon to see someone comment about you and wishing them luck.
I have faith in you. Every Little Bit captured the emotions of a fatherless child perfectly. If you can do that, then you can have faith in your writing. I believe in you. We believe in you.
As a reader I loathe being told by an author how I should react to and feel about something they have written. As if they could ever truly know and understand their characters and narrative the way I do.
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Woah.....
I'm actually afraid now.
I waffled and sweated and worried and rewrote much of my story Alone three times. In the end I almost decided not to post it. When I did it became my first story to make the featured box. Believe in yourself, dude, and the work you put into it will be visible most to those who read it for the first time.
I have complete faith in whatever you present to us will be well written. It's something you have shown yourself to be capable of. Your stories, whether light hearted and fun or deep and thought provoking, are always something worth reading. I am eager to see the next installment of Zenith.
Well, you made me feel hate for Celestia.
I may have missed this somewhere but what exactly do you mean when you say the first book? Does it mean sequels will be coming? how long will each "book" be then and why not just put it in the same story with more chapters?
// Sphex
I've been eagerly awaiting this chapter since I first realized the effect that the turmoil you were putting Spike hrough would have on the little guy. To say that I hold your writing in high esteem is the understatement of the year. No matter how divided everyone else may be by whatever moves you make in the next chapter, know that at least you will have pleased his reader.
Oooh boy, here we go! *braces for impact*
I read this and at first, I thought you meant the next chapter would be 90 thousand words. I nearly died.
Then I actually thought about it and realized I'm an idiot.
In my opinion, I'm actually very excited about this chapter. From my own experience, every time one of my favorite authors has shown hesitancy about a chapter, it's turned out to be one of my favorites in the story.
I'm so ready there's a picture of me next to the definition in the next Miriam-Webster's dictionary.
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I dislike that, too. An artist looses the right to tell a viewer/reader how they have to feel about a work the second they release it.
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I'm not smart enough to figure out what that means.
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You too?
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Thank you. I will remember that.
1662817 Uraguay
You know, in those three months, in spite of all the other amazing fics I managed to stumble upon and fall in love with, my anticipation for this update to Zenith hasn't waned, not even once. It was the first story I read on this site where I felt truly invested in its unfolding, and it has remained one of my favourites to this day.
Give the special significance it has for me, I just want to say that - personally - I appreciate the level of thought and attention that you've clearly put into this, and the sheer amount of effort and resolve it took to pull everything together. And regardless of how I feel after the chapter, I promise that I will hold to that sentiment.
Whether it's divisive or not, I hope you know that while naysayers and condemning voices are bound to come along, the vast majority of the folks following your stories love your work and its interpretations of the FIMverse. Sure, some people prefer stories that heel more closely to the source material, but I'd like to think that part of the reason most folks come to places like FimFiction is to find unprecedented or controversial takes on the FIMverse, and I would say that's your speciality.
Frankly, I just thought it was such a shame that the negative criticism of Immature hit you so hard, despite all the positive support overshadowing it. But at the same time, I get that it's because you put your readers before everything else in your writing, and I'd never want you to change that.
Still... It's your vision, Desc, and I get the impression that the vast majority of us think it's awesome. Hopefully I speak for more than myself when I say that I'd rather see and experience your creativity more directly, rather than watching you twist yourself into knots trying to please a few dissenting voices over intractable differences in preference.
I don't know if that helps in any capacity, so I will just say this, in closing: We have faith in you, sir, please don't forget that. Eagerly looking forward to the next chapter, as ever.
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Thank you, that means a great deal to me.
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What happens next might make amends for that... or make it worse.
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The entire story of Zenith is divided into three "books". The first one, Pillars of the Sun, is at its "high water mark" with this chapter. Each was planned to have fifteen chapters.
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That makes me happy to know.
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Indeed!
You said you've written fan fiction for 12-15 years, if you don't mind me asking, what other fandoms have you written for?
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For the longest time I always repeated a mantra that "I have no idea of what I 'm doing." I notice that a lot of writers say something similar, and it may seem like false modesty, but it isn't.
I know that for fact, because when I stepped out of my role of a storyteller and became an advocate... well, I got called on it.
Thank you very, very much for your continued belief in me. It really does mean a lot. I hope that the next chapter proves itself to be worthy of your continued faith in my craft.
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Star Trek, Star Wars, Nicktoons, Disney Afternoon, Dragon Riders of Pern... all of it utter crap. My "Pony" works are the first that have even come close to being at a level that I'm comfortable sharing in hindsight.
I'm calling the fucking police on you, your writing is brilliant. You're not allowed to "diss" your own writing.
The thing about stories like Zenith and the amazing Austraeoh saga, is that they give you characters with goals that seem as though they can never achieve and that creates the overall struggle and conflict. They both have the character deal with important figures in their life becoming "unreachable" and they would do anything to get them back, or at least some semblance of them or some hope of seeing them. I apologize for comparing Zenith with Austraeoh, but they are very similar though also very different. Both have Celestia be in a position of not being able to help as much as she could. Both promise an exciting adventure in the description. Both tear down a character, though to what end in your story I wait eagerly for. But the major difference is the inner turmoil of the characters, in Zenith Spike doesn't want Twilight to see him as a monster while in Austraeoh Dash is already becoming a monster and needs to reach her destination before she succumbs to the enivitable. I love both do these stories very much! Anyone who loves Zenith will just eat up Austraeoh.
I must again apologize for this rant, but do so love this story and the direction you're taking!
Here we go again, TD is doubting himself.
Step One: Take a deep breath.
Step Two: Exhale slowly.
Step Three: TAKE IT EASY, YOU'LL DO FINE.
Step Four: See Step One, repeat until the worry is gone.
Sight unseen, I can make no promises about how I will receive the chapter, TD. But regardless of that, I have the utmost faith in you and your writing. Bring it on!
Dude, seriously, your story is fantastic, it's very gut-wrenching at times, makes me feel the most intense things sometimes, it's really unpredictable. I really do enjoy it.
Man just know that the fact that you are worrying over the story so much just means that it will be that much better.
It might not seem perfect to you but to us its like an orgasm in our eye balls.
I'm happy with stories half as good as Zenith so don't think I wont love it.
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Yep, any mad genius's mantra.
I think it's perfectly natural to go through phases where you question your own skills, especially after one of your works isn't as well received as you hoped (I don't really get why people didn't like Immature, though; I thought it was amazing. Not their cup of tea, I suppose.).
But I think that the reason you didn't feel that emotion when you read your work was because you've already poured it all out. You've spent so much of yourself on this story, and this chapter in particular, that perhaps you have simply felt all that already.
I'd like to say, "don't worry," but since when has that ever stopped anybody? Instead, I'll say:
We're still here, aren't we? We still believe in you, still believe that you have that hard-won ability to create magic through words, bring life to ideas through letters on a page. Worry, if you must, but also remember all that you have done before, and all that you will do again, and that we would love to see it with you.
Now, after that long-winded profusion of praise, I suppose I'd just like to say…
I'm looking forward to whatever comes.
T.D., ever since I've started working with you, I've only grown to respect you more and more. You have talent. You have patience. You have passion. You care. I can only hope to do you the courtesy of showing the same level of dedication to this story.
On this, you have my word: This chapter will not meet the public eye until you yourself can read it and be moved by it. We will sweat and bleed over every syllable of every word. We will make it count. We will make it work. People will cry. People will rage. People will hate. People will love to do these things. They won't read this story. They will feel this story.
And all the work I put in—all the time I invest—bear in mind that none of it will be for you. It won't even be for the readers. It will be for the story, because I'll be damned if this one doesn't deserve it.
On this, you have my word.
I like Zenith, and where it is going
My one grip is that you said Spike won't change physically to match his mental growth. In my head cannon, a dragon's physical form is a reflection of it's mental and emotional state. This is best expressed in the story "Time Crusade" and it's artwork.
OH MY GOD! You and this blog are both a tease!
I've been ready for this chapter since the last one was finished. LETS DO THIS!
No turning back now, just jump for it and take us all over the edge with you. If we flop, at least it'll be glorious and together.
excuse this humble reader, avid fan and somewhat hobby writer who mostly writes for himself or as in aid for school, but, I have never felt the same way as someone who just read something I did, I remember reading a short story for developmental psychology about the mid and late years of the life of a man, once I was finished I looked up and what I met was tearful eyes and runny noses, what I want to say is that you make us feel all those things, its the bless and the curse of the writers, that they get to inspire such emotions, but rarely gets to feel them themselves.
Zenith is a big time favorite from all of us, and such a story that many of us didn't dare to spam the comments section with endless "MOAR" and "NEXT CHAPTER NOW" because at least to me it almost feels sinful to do so, you went way afar from your comfort zone, you did stuff that in real life you´ll prefer to lose one arm or two instead of provoking such things to befall a child, remember that there its always persons who would most likely wont agree with the way you are doing your story, but in that case just remember the hundreds and hundreds of avid fans that love what you are doing, from all the authors that I´ve seen you seem to ooze talent, and the fact that you go out of what you know, what you are comfortable makes you an A+ plus writer here
I, for one, can't wait for the new chapter, regardless of your own reservations. I don't think any of us would be here, following this story and leaning forward in our seats with anticipation, were we not prepared for narrative risks to be taken, as it's been apparent from day one that you're going for something ambitious here. And I think I speak for most when I say you've lived up to that presupposition. We're here, and I suspect we'll be here.
I know what it's like to doubt one's own work (it's the reason I haven't posted anything of my own; that and a tendency towards laziness). But let us be the judge. And don't worry if it didn't move you, personally. Having slaved away at this chapter for three months, I wouldn't be surprised if you lack the emotional distance from it to respond in the way that you hope we might.
Oh, and for what it's worth, I thought "Immature" was a really good story. Yeah, Twilight was a douche, but she made a mistake, she learned from it, and that was the whole point of the story. There was nothing about the characterization that obstructed the narrative. At least not for me.
I can't wait for the next chapter, TD. I was afraid you wouldn't continue it for a while there. As far as your not crying, raging, and whatnot; I remember quite vividly getting snippy with my coworkers because of the indignation I felt for Spike in the last few chapters. I'm a very calm and collected person. That only happens with the very best writing. Please take to heart that this story is striking all the right cords with me at the very least. By the sound of the others in the reviews above, they feel the same.
I trust you.
My personal criticism "good to bad" ratio is 1:3. For every bad remark I get, 2 more have to exist to hold the strength of a praise. And believe me, you are well over 1:3.
Here's a praise, just for you.
Your emotional work on Immature and inexplicably flawless ability to blend fanon with canon is unmatched and perfectly paced. I look forward to Chapter 13. And best of luck, Desc.
Don't you feel better already?
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>dat Fimfiction hivemind
I'm a little jelly you feel emotions when you read what you've written. I usually feel unadulterated shame for how utterly crap my words are and pure amazement that anyone can like what I've written.
Yes, I have bad self esteem.
Don't sweat others opinions too much, TD, and if you ARE then I'd just like to say I've been dying to read the next chapter. I love your work. All of it.
You dig deep into who each character is on an intimate level. You do it well, especially with Spike.
Can't wait!
T.D. Your stories have played with my emotions like a harp. More than any other fan fic writer, I find myself drawn into the world you paint with your version of these characters.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter of Zenith. And the one after that...
And your next story too.
Chill dude. Personally, I don't think you've put a hoof/claw wrong since Dear Idiot[1] and short of a personality reversal (yours, I mean), I don't see a problem...
[1]Which is the earliest work of yours I'm aware I've read.
1662956 If I was moved by that alone, I can't wait to see what the new chapter looks like.
What you described is what editing is all about: making it count, working to the bone to make a story the best it can possibly be.