State of the Author

Be warned. I walk in Spoilers for Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Season 4 has started off and I'm excited for new content to absorb, and to be inspired by new episodes of my favorite characters. But, I got stalled for a week in my writing. I'll get back to it shortly, but I want to tell you a quick, personal story.

See, like most artists, I am prone to Only Red Skittles moments. Those singular moments when Only Red Skittles in the candy bowl will do, or my creative process is completely thrown off! Forever! Usually, I laugh the notion off because I just need a quiet spot and a laptop and I'm good to go. But, laugh as I might, I remain vulnerable and one such moment is my family.

If my parents are anywhere near me, my abilities as a writer shut down. Instead of being creative, I go on red alert: staring, watching, wary, and prepared to defend my turf and deflect all invasions. This is mostly because I have a long history of giving up what I want for others' opinions, my parents in particular. They're very powerful personalities and it's too easy to get swept under the rug and feel like their attitudes are my own. In addition to therapy, my shieldmate, Jess, has been a boon in helping me hold fast to my personal way of thinking and expressing myself. Still, when my parents do show up, I'm drained and can't see the upcoming Scootaloo plot for the trees and can only muster the most cursory of character inspections.

Normally, I'd have thought I'd take solace in the presence of my little ponies. They're heartwarming, and caring, and protective, and very much supportive of my emotional state and the fact that I'm a crier. A big crier. A crier so big I cried when Twilight was hunched over Celestia's unmoving form. I'm actually getting a bit teary just thinking about it now, really.

But tears would not do when my parents were about. I needed cunning and occasional losses and hope in a very dark place. I asked the girls to wait, telling Twilight I liked her new look even if her slightly changed design weirded me out a bit because it was so subtle, and that I'd be back shortly. I slid on my long coat, twirled my sonic screwdriver and took my shieldmate's hand in my own, shouting with a grin, "Allons-y!"

So after a day of premiers and tears, I prepared for Thanksgiving. I had the ring Jess gave me, so if I felt vulnerable I could rub it. I had one of my power shirts on, so I felt in control. I knew I'd get to spend time with Jess's family before mine showed up, and that always relaxes me. So Thanksgiving came, and I was on pins the whole time, waiting for something wretched to happen. It didn't come. The closest we got was my mom hovering near the kitchen, offering to help, and not expecting my shieldmate's competence at culinary preparations. I relaxed a notch.

Then, came the day after. My folks wanted a one-on-one dinner with me and my shieldmate after we got off work. So, I came home, put on my "war paint" (my best top with precisely applied make-up) and picked up my shieldmate from her job to brave the unknown again. It was braved and aside from a few misunderstandings, which my parents rushed to apologize and correct, we had an entertaining dinner.

On the drive back home, I could feel my creative engines firing up and saw the girls hadn't left despite my shoo-ings.

Of course, this was all just in my head. Outside my head, Jess was a constant supportive presence, listening to me freak out and calming me down appropriately. Her family was delightful and helped to create an atmosphere of bonhomie. My bestie checked in and we're going to commiserate later on today over margaritas and chips. My brother helped too in his bizarre way (I may tell you about him some time. Now there is a character).

It was then I realized, on that same drive, that for all I acted like I was on my own, I was never by myself. No wonder the metaphorical Mane 6 in my head hadn't left. I had my own Mane 6 outside showering me with honesty, kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty and that little spark that joined us all.

"Seems like only yesterday I was foolish enough to think I should go after them on my own. I don't know what we're going to face in there. But whatever it is, I know we need to face it together." - Twilight Sparkle, Princess, Former Personal Student to Celestia, Professional Egghead (according to one Rainbow Dash)

Guess the premier got to me more than I thought. Back to the writing mines I go!

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[Masterweaver]

I know the feeling....