The Moste Tragick Historie of Apple Tart and Celery · 1:53am Nov 6th, 2013
Source
Pic almost relevant.
The following is excerpted from A History of the Ponese-Speaking Ponies, an award-winning one-volume history by the royal archivist and renowned novelist and essayist, Jade Singer.
The term Pony Friend Forever or "PFF" has a long, much-debated, and obscure history. Although today's unserious and lackadaisical youths use the term nonchalantly, almost interchangeably with "friend" or even "acquaintance," only a generation or two ago, it meant much more: Pony Friends Forever made promises to bear with each other's faults and to stand by each other in times of hardship. Nopony had more than one PFF or at the most two, and it was customary to solemnize this fast friendship with a ritual.
The ritual evolved over time and existed in several variants, many of which are still extant and a few of which are still occasionally used. Generally, the ritual takes the form of a progressive meal, the components of which symbolize the experience of friendship: spiced tea (sweet), sarsaparilla (intoxicating), and green salad (nourishing and fortifying). In some variations, after completing the ritual, the PFFs share a salt block, and thus it is commonly said that friends are those who have "taken salt together."
Scholars of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns generally agree with the popular belief that this ritual is ancient, dating even to pre-Exodus times, and that Platinum, Puddinghead, and Hurricane performed the ritual when they attempted to unite the Three Tribes at Paradise Gardens. The Chronomasters of the Gymnasium, on the other hoof, insist that there is no evidence for the existence of any PFF ritual before ca. AP 500,* a date that approximately marks the publication of one of the most famous works of Medieval literature, the anonymously authored Platonic Friendship of the Rose, which is still considered one of the greatest examples of the equine novel.
The Platonic Friendship of the Rose takes the form of an allegory in which a youthful stallion, Companion, wishes to enter into a platonic friendship symbolized by a rose within an enclosed garden. In the novel's first part, he is beset by several characters such as Selfishness and Irascibility, who attempt to dissuade him by arguing that friendship is an illusion and a futility. In the book's second part, he meets more challenging characters such as Marriage and Mating Instinct, who claim that friendship is for mares and not for stallions; because he is male, they claim, Companion can see other males only as rivals and mares only as potential mates, and thus cannot have friendship. Near the book's end, two armed figures named Love and Reason, depicted as twins, descend from the sky. Declaring that they were sent from the throne of the One True Queen, they beat back all of Companion's enemies, enabling him to unlock the garden. In the novel's final scene, Companion performs a PFF ritual with the rose inside.
The modern reader may not appreciate the radical message of this book. The sentiments expressed by Marriage and Mating Instinct were current opinions in the time when Platonic Friendship's anonymous author lived. Many are probably familiar with that famous quotation of Clover the Clever, "There is no greater love known amongst ponies than that of friendship between mares," but most are likely unaware that the exclusion of stallions from this maxim is deliberate.
Besides challenging and broadening popular notions of friendship, the author of The Platonic Friendship of the Rose did ponykind another benefit: she incorporates into the middle of her novel the true and tragical story of the friendship between the stallion Apple Tart and the mare Celery. It is because of these references that Apple Tart and Celery are as famous as they are; indeed, their names are practically synonymous with great friendship.
Apple Tart and Celery were fast friends since early foalhood, and both came from distinguished houses among the old nobility. Their parents, observing the warm friendship between them, declared that they were, and I quote, "Just so cute together," and arranged for their marriage.
Apple Tart, when he heard the news from his sire, was aghast. He cried, "But Celery is like my sister; I cannot marry her." Celery, for her part, replied more vehemently (and famously), "Married? To him? No! Eww!"
Their parents, however, were insistent, so, to escape the marriage, Apple Tart and Celery resolved to run away together—just not, you know, together together. After Celery's dam learned that her daughter had flown, she exclaimed tearfully, "It's my fault. I knew we shouldn't have had Apple Tart with Celery."
On the run from the agents of their wealthy families, these two platonic lovebirds traveled throughout Equestria. Naturally, they grew closer to each other, except not in that way. Travelers who met them at inns later recounted that, at night, the two would passionately shake hooves before retiring to their separate rooms.
At last, as they continued on this lengthy journey of discovery, they found that their friendship had grown so warm that they decided to solemnize it with a PFF ritual. After they shared a salt block, they began vigorously grooming each other (still a common practice between friends during this period), but were interrupted when Celery's brothers burst into the room. After their threats proved to be of no avail, the brothers at last declared that, if Apple Tart were not stallion enough to marry their sister, he was no stallion at all. They then set upon Apple Tart and castrated him.
Apple Tart recovered, but, devastated by his mutilation, joined the Benevolent Fellowship of Geldings and dedicated the rest of his life to the contemplation of the One True Queen. He and Celery exchanged poignant letters, many of which are still extant and considered literary classics in their own right. In these missives, these two great friends constantly remind each other how much they care for each other, how much they desire each other, and how much they like each other—but not liiiike each other, because that would be weird.
And the moral of this tragedy, of course, is that shippers destroy lives.
*The Sacred Order of Timekeepers counts years from the coronation of Princess Celestia, so dates are either BC, "Before Celestia," or AP, Anno Principis, "In the Year of Our Princess."
The strange thing about Clover's statement is that it's common knowledge that Commander Hurricane was a stallion.
Then again, Pegasus culture emphasized personality in relationships over gender, race and economic status. In fact, only recently have Unicorns and Earth Ponies begun to understand the Pegasus concept of GAR.
Cute story. Anyways, back to my porn, romance, and pornographic romance.
Not a Tragedy in the classical sense, of course. Both Celery and Apple Tart were morally victorious, though they (well, he) suffered a worldly defeat.
But I'm sure you'll agree that the moral victory more than made up for his loss. From that perspective, the story of Apple Tart and Celery had a happy ending. More for her than for him, I suppose.
I get the feeling that this is intended to be a joke, but I'm not sure how or why...
1485596
This is true, but I wonder if the ponies have Greek tragedy. It doesn't quite seem to suit them. Has the word tragic been used canonically? I cannot recall an instance of it off the top of my head, but if it has been used, it has probably been used in the more popular and less exact (and correct) sense.
I'm still waiting for someone to tell me he knows of the real people this story is loosely based on . . .
1485768
Oh god, I knew it, here comes the awful, excruciating pun he's been building up to
Dammit Deej, you had ONE JOB
1486035
WAIT, WHAT'S THE PUN? I'LL CHANGE IT IF YOU GIVE ME A GOOD PUN!
Your Latin isn't quite right. It should be "Anno principis".
1486039
I DON'T KNOW MAN, I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO TELL ME
WAIT WHY ARE WE YELLING
1486168
Thanks. I'll make the correction. (Noun declensions! Curses!)
1486282
I'M NOT YELLING. I'M JUST PASSIONATE.
ew jj's art
1486031
No idea whom the real story's based upon, but I recognise a plagiarism of The Pilgrim's Progress when I see it.
1491712
Nope, sorry. Wrong novel.
1492699
Wait, wha?
I was certain naming your characters after what they represent was a Bunyan thing. Consider me schooled.
1495149
That is a Bunyan thing, but he wasn't the first to do it. The Medievals loved them some allegory: "Everyman," "Psychomachy," etc.
But the novel in mind here is of course The Romance of the Rose, part of which, written by Jean de Meun, incorporates references to the true story of the famous and tragic lovers Abelard and Heloise, whose story has enough melodrama and unlikely twists to fill the pages of a bodice-ripper, though, were it fiction, an editor might reject it for its implausibilities. Abelard was one of the most brilliant philosophers of the Eleventh Century. He established the foundations of Scholasticism. He also had a wild affair with his personal student and got castrated by thugs possibly sent by her uncle. He became a monk and she a nun, and the letters they exchanged are considered classics, at least in some circles.
Whereas earlier ages were more interested in Abelard's insights into logic and semantics, by the Eighteenth and Nineteenth Centuries, his racy love affair was better known than his philosophy. I could perhaps lead from there to some unflattering comment about Modern philosophers, but I'll refrain.
1495832
Clearly, I need to read some more medieval literature, then.
I did a Wikipedia on Abelard and it does seem unrealistic: he moves his wife to a nunnery to protect her from her uncle; her uncle, thinking he's trying to get rid of Heloise, castrates him; Abelard becomes a monk. I can see why people were interested.