Fic recs October 30th: Spooky, Scary Nightmare Eve edition! · 1:42pm Oct 30th, 2013
Welcome, scares and gentlebolts, to my Nightmare-strava—
...Yeah, bolts. Like, bolts in the neck? Of a Frankenstein monster? Or maybe of lightning? Don’t look at me like that. Look what I have to work with here. :| Fuck, I really hate Halloween.
But, that didn’t stop me from making this my hugest fucking fic rec journal EVAR. An unlucky baker’s dozen of spooky, scary storingtons will give you a fright or maybe a laugh if they suck on this Eve of (Eve of) All Saints. I’ve also changed up the rating system just a bit, to get into the spirit of things. (I’m not actually rating them on scariness, it’s just a Thing, okay?) And, I'm posting it the day before so you actually have time to read some of them on Hallo-the-ween proper. Happy bleeding!
...Y’know, like reading? Awh, forget it. >:| Maestro, the music!
(Stories marked with a * are from this year’s Nightmare Night contest on EQD.)
H: 3 R: 5 C: 1 V: 2 N: 2
NIGEB by Aquaman
Reading by Scribbler!
Genre: Horror
This story won judges' choice in last year’s Halloween writing contest on EQD, and was by far my favorite of the entries. As we near the end of this year’s contest, I felt it would be a fun idea to kick off some Halloween-themed reviews with what I consider one of the best scary pony fics ever. (And I just sort of wanted to read it again, which doesn’t happen often.) I’d like to qualify that, however. As a scary fic, this is great; as ponyfic, not so much. There’s nothing intrinsically pony about it, which is its greatest flaw, moreso than the two gimmicks on which it relies. The first of those, white text on black background, is not on display here on Fimfiction, sadly. You need to find the Google Doc version for that. But surprisingly, it turns out that isn’t necessary for the second gimmick, a jump-scare gif at the end of the story, to work, though having it did lend just a bit of extra creepy atmosphere. And that’s where NIGEB excels: atmosphere, a word I am going to overuse in this journal. Aquaman has a perfect grasp of pacing and tension, and this is one of the few stories I’ve ever seen involving dreams that uses them well to this end. Sure, they drive the plot, but they really do sculpt the tone, not to mention, once it’s revealed what’s going on, a significant amount of fridge horror. Also helping things is the strain in Twilight and Fluttershy’s relationship as they struggle to understand the dreams and what’s happening. For what this sets out to do, it succeeds brilliantly, and you could do far worse if you want a good creepy story to read late at night.
Super Spooky
The Frozen West by Cozy Mark IV
Genre: Adventure
Seattle’s Angels just reviewed this fic, and when I opened it, I was surprised to see that I’d not only read it, but given it a thumbs up. It’s tagged Dark, so I might as well throw it in with this group, eh? This is, as I recall, a nice, short atmospheric piece of worldbuilding about a griffin explorer who finds some really chilling stuff, no pun intended, under ice to the west. The world it’s set in is really fun to watch unfold, being very different from the Equestria we know today. The ending is fairly dark as well, -- it's got ghosts! -- and really, really awesome. Definitely worth checking out.
Spooky
The Carousel Boutique Expansion Project by A Fistful of Apples
Genre: Psychological Horror
And speaking of things I’d read before, I first encountered this story back on Ponychan of all places. It was one of the first grimdark fics I’d ever read and I instantly loved it. I just found out it’s here on Fimfic so I’m interested to see how well it holds up today. First, why I liked it: chapter 1 paints a wholly believable picture of someone trying desperately to cope with OCD. And I’m talking actual, clinical obsessive-compulsive disorder, not the Hollywood-ized garbage that so many writers tend to aim toward. Also, it’s a ponified Cask of Amontillado. This story taught me that wet concrete causes chemical burns. Unfortunately, that about the end of the good parts. I can believe that Rarity suffers from OCD in this manner, but the voice just doesn’t sound like her. Things get worse as the story progresses. I can remember being very excited to see a second chapter for it had appeared back when it was new, and then being immediately disappointed. Twilight picks things up by going into detective mode, which means lots of recapping. Knowing what happened doesn’t add suspense, it's just needless repetition. Spike’s chapter is somehow worse, doubtless a combination of poor voicing and him not really having any appreciable role in the story. Plus, it’s just rather difficult to believe this story plays out the way it does (granted, it was less unbelievable back in season 1). I don’t recall there being an epilogue, but unfortunately it just ends up turning this into Cupcakes-With-Rarity. That said, I do suggest reading the first chapter, so long as lack of strong character voice doesn’t turn you off; otherwise, disregard this as a mistake of the past.
Not Spooky
*The Face Takers by short skirts and explosions
Genre: Horror
This is a classic setup: children hear bedtime ghost story, try to go to sleep, story comes true. What makes this work is that the contents filling that setup are really creepy. This is a very original horror concept rendered well by skirts (albeit with the standard purple prose warnings), though I was kind of surprised Applejack would tell the story so well. He follows the idea through to the end, and that’s what really made me like this. This is a must-read if body-horror does it for you.
Spooky
Synchronicity by A Hoof-full of Dust
Reading (part 1) by Thornquill
Genre: Ghost Story
This story surprised me in a number of ways. First, it hooked me with strong characterizations. There’s a tremendous difference between reading a creepy story with ponies in it and reading a creepy story with characters who are undoubtedly the mane six. It also helps with making more sinister fare believable in the world. Second, this turned out to be a story about stories. The first chapter sets up the plot with a ghost story, but it’s told in a patchwork manner by five of Twilight’s friends. There’s a surprising amount of worldbuilding in this as the author looks at concepts of pony lore and folklore in general. And as Twilight and Rainbow Dash study up on the mysterious diary they found in the creepy abandoned manor, having the same dreams about each other, this does toe into shippy areas, much to my delight and further surprise (I’m bad about reading tags). That said, those averse to shipping should not let it deter them from this story. It’s handled very naturally, as a side-effect of two ponies spending a lot of time together, and it’s very subtle. The Romance tag is in fact not even earned by the smattering of TwiDash, but by the backstory. There is one major flaw in this story, and it’s chapter 4, which is rather long-winded — indeed, the longest chapter in the story — and features a lengthy scene of Rainbow describing her fillyhood comic-reading habit and justifying it with Read It and Weep. It didn’t really serve much of a purpose, given the amount of words spent on it. Ultimately, though it slows the story down, it’s not enough to ruin it, and I found this a greatly satisfying read.
Super Spooky
Forever Faithful by Konseiga
Reading by Scribbler
Reading by Indubitably Ponified
Reading by Captain Sand
Genre: Afterlife-Based Horror
I’d told myself I wasn’t going to include any readings in this post, but this fic was too perfect not to. Twilight dies and Celestia starts receiving letters addressed from her. This story is immensely creepy, and I spent the entire reading in a combination of open-mouthed awe and giggly apprehension at what would happen next. Admittedly, once the plot sets itself up, it gets a little predictable, but the horror comes from the letters and Twilight's slow degradation into emotionless sociopathy. My only real criticism is the overuse of Royal Canterlot Voice. I can’t see Celestia becoming angry in mourning. Other than that, this is a really creepy, really believable mane cast-based horror story. And now I like to think that Twilight was made into an alicorn because Celestia foresaw this sort of thing happening if she ever died.
Super Spooky
*The Lantern by Cold in Gardez
Genre: Adventure
This isn’t really all that scary, though it does feature some excellent atmospheric work (I’d expect no less from Cold in Gardez). It’s a great adventure piece, following Daring Do and her one-time-mentor-turned-rival Doctor Fossil as they get lost in the tomb of an ancient mad unicorn wizard and discover all the weird shit that’s buried there. The strength here, imagery aside, comes from the character dynamic. Daring is tough without being a robot. Fossil gradually transitions from foil to friend. The ending was a nice surprise; I knew something was going on, but I couldn’t figure it out. A good read for the Halloween season, or any season at all!
Spooky
*Reading Room #36 by Flashgen
Genre: Horror
This story really takes the “unseen antagonist” concept and runs with it. Twilight finds herself trapped in a library reading room after hours, harangued by an invisible assailant that communicates by rearranging words on books and appears to have full control of everything in the room. Unfortunately, what’s happening is never really fully explained, at least not in an satisfying way. The assailant is unseen to the very end, and I felt the ending was a bit of a letdown because of this. It’s not so much that there’s no explanation, but that there’s no reason for this to be happening, and no closure. It left the story ultimately unsatisfying, which is a shame because it built up a pretty creepy scenario.
Kinda Spooky
Something Sweet to Bite by Knackerman
Reading by Emogak
Mature: Gore
DNF
Genre: Monsters
I normally won't DNF a one-shot, but given how long this one is, I just didn’t feel the need to continue any further past the asterisks. This is an example of a good story idea executed poorly. On one level, the author has issues with things like apostrophes and spelling. Then there’s the gore. The first scene is actually very good, with creepy atmosphere and an unseen assailant ratcheting up the tension. Then it ends with Applejack being messily killed and devoured. The mood flips from scary to gross, and that’s the best way to kill a horror story. Like I said, the idea behind it is interesting: the monsters appear to be cannibalistic foals, created back before the unification of Equestria by a mad unicorn who ran a sweet shop. That’s a good backstory, and they’re scary as fuck, singing the Nightmare Night chant while eating ponies. It keeps the creep level up even after they’re revealed to the reader. But despite this actually being a Nightmare Night story and thus really in tune with what I was going for in this post, going the gore route really prevents it from being effective. (And right after the asterisks is a scene straight out of Fallout: Equestria, so yeah, no goin’.)
Not Spooky
*More Than You Know by Obselesence
Reading by Scribbler, et. al.
Genre: Philosophical
This isn’t the spooky scary skeletons kind of scary. It’s instead about who we trust to wield great power. In some ways, it’s a treatise on propaganda and government control of information and knowledge. Celestia is presented not as a tyrant, but as a benevolent dictator of sorts, nudging ponies mentally with her magic when she thinks they need it. The grand thing is, the story is entirely unclear as to whether she uses this power as it should be used or not. Can she be trusted? And then you get to the end and let the fridge horror sink in. That’s where this really shines.
Spooky
*Red, If at All Possible by ChaoticHarmony
Reading by Doctor Cobra
Reading by Winged T. Spears
Genre: Vampires
An original take on Octavia and not a single blue-haired DJ in sight, halle-frickin’-lujah. She’s snooty, she’s conceited, she’s lustful, she’s a vampire: she’s completely awful and I love her. Unfortunately, she also has a habit of narrating to herself in a manner that doesn't really work all that well. The way the story plays out is fun, with the climactic scene reduced to flashbacks as Octavia replays it in her mind. That said, this doesn’t quite accomplish what it sets out to do. It could use a good bit more atmosphere, for one. There’s the aforementioned narration, which occurs twice and doesn’t get any less annoying the second time. Lastly, it’s awfully short. I suppose just more would have been good; that's just one of the dangers you run into with writing contests. There are a lot of little things that sink it as well, like the final couple of lines, the ponies swearing by Faust, and a handful of mechanical errors. So while it’s not a scary fic in the least, it is still in the spirit of things and certainly not awful.
Spooky If You Like Vampire Stories
Just a Puddle by Anon3mous1
Reading by Scribbler
Genre: Dark
This isn’t a greatly scary sort of story, but it does close up a gap in Too Many Pinkie Pies in a dark sort of way. Of course, by answering “Why didn’t Twilight study the mirror pool/clones closer?” it also poses the question “Why didn’t she see this coming?” Still, this is really short, and I tend to feel like stories under two thousand words are worth reading so long as the author can string a sentence together. I’ll admit to having been a little distracted while listening to this, so I can’t comment on it too strongly but really, what have you got to lose?
Kinda Spooky
Herald by short skirts and explosions
Genre: Horror Mystery
Part The Birds, part Left 4 Dead, part I don’t know what the hell, this story is a marvel of pacing. Save for one scene, there is never a stretch of time that passes without something for the characters to do. The one scene that does work this way is the Explanation of What’s Happening in the first part of chapter 2. I was a little disappointed in that scene at first, because this story opens with Mrs. Cake waking up in a boarded-up Sugarcube Corner and walking out into a grey-skyed Ponyville filled with marauding pegasi. It was creepy, most especially because it becomes apparent that only pegasi are mindlessly killing ponies, and there’s no suggestion of why, nor of why Mrs. Cake seems to have lost so much time. But once we know what’s happening, it’s not so much that it’s no longer scary, but that the focus of the scariness shifts from “What’s going on?” to “Why is this happening?”, “Is the pony who started this still out there?” and “Can we stop it without succumbing ourselves?” That’s when the pacing really comes into play, keeping tension high and action swift. It also allows for a number of downright chilling revelations to be slowly hinted at as the story progresses. There are two things that kept this story from having really overwowed me, standard skirtsian disclaimers aside. First, this plot is predicated on something entirely contrived, with no basis in show canon — indeed, I think that’s part of why chapter 2’s explanation scene is such a downer: you can feel the flood of information just suffocating you — and that furthermore relies on treating ponies somewhat more as animals than I prefer. Not that that ruined it or anything. Second is the ending. I read it, went, “That makes no sense,” read the manga the story was based on, decided that made less sense somehow, reread the ending, and still couldn’t figure it out. I have a theory that I would like to present here for discussion, but for God’s sake, do not look at the following spoiler unless you have zero interest in reading this story. Here’s what I think: Mrs. Cake, grieving and out of her mind over the loss of Pound Cake, raids the library for books on whatever those books were on. She finds out about the Topaz, gets it, digs up her son and sets the crystal resonating in the hope that it will animate his corpse so she can be with him again, heedless of the effect it has on everyone else in town. That still leaves a lot unexplained. Why didn’t she remember doing this? Why was the Corner different the second time they went there, with Twilight? How was the crystal causing other ponies to kill themselves? Oh wait, I think I just answered that one: Mrs. Cake killed Cheerilee and Twilight because she couldn’t handle the reality of what she’d done, and just saw them as killing themselves because crazy. Still doesn’t explain the final scene, who she was talking to, or what the fuck she saw in the crystal’s reflection, and I daresay the author relied far too much on her being an unreliable narrator to just straight-up mislead the reader without any hint of what's really happening. And why is it called Herald? With all that in mind, skirts can really spin a tale, and I think for the atmosphere alone, this is worth reading.
Spooky
And that's the story of how I never did another holiday-themed fic rec journal ever again. :B Because now I have to catch up on everything else. Though I will say it's nice, having a journal ready to go a few days ahead of time that I can just toss up once I'm ready. (Spoilers: I read Slender Mane and Cupcakes on the same day!) Back to a more normal schedule next month!
Trivia: I've read and reviewed 70 stories this month, which I think is a new record. That's more than two a day!
All Saint's is in November.
I found The Birds to be kinda meh. The special effects really haven't aged well. And it just seemed to fizzle out at the ending.
>Aquaman has a perfect grasp of pacing and tension
Not in this story. Pacing is all over the place, and the tension is destroyed due to how predictable and trite the source of the horror is. He also does that thing I hate where writers are so mysterious and coy about what's actually going on that I as a reader have absolutely no clue what's going to be important later. Case in point, the dreams. They seemed nonsensical at first, and nothing was really scary in that story, least of all the cheap shot of the jump scare...
Then again, you've probably already seen my long comment I left on the story proper.
1466707
ooooh snap
u gonna take that PP
u just got #rekt
1466459
Eve of Eve of All Saints. :V I'm bad with dates.
1467016
nah :B
Just read all of the stories you recommended. Just off the top of my head, "More Than You Know" is my pick for the best of the lot, because it takes a different approach to horror, one that I find eerily plausible to canon (as opposed to "Herald").
"Synchronicity" pushed my Twidash buttons and made me feel warm and fuzzy inside... which makes it stick out like a sore thumb among other stories that went for a nightmarish tone. Wait, I almost forgot about "Lantern." That one took the same approach, but I already read it because of Seattle's Angels.
"The Frozen West" had a great twist at the end that made everything click. I've seen people argue that it made the story less exotic and more trite in retrospect, which I understand without actually agreeing with.
"Forever Faithful" gets bonus points by taking one of the ultimate in comforting concepts, the afterlife, and making it scary and uncomfortable. It's for this same reason that my favorite episode of The Twilight Zone is the one where the kid talks to his dead grandma on the phone (same basic plot).
And that's all I care to comment on for now. I'm gonna go read a sex comedy fic if anyone needs me.
1468773
I liked MTYK, but I actually voted for Gardez's fic for the contest. :B It wasn't the scariest, or even the second scariest, but it was the best story, imo.
Also I liked your entry in the TF writeoff. :D It was my #2 and the only other one besides Luster that really worked.
1468873
Thanks. I'll see what I can do about revising it in accordance with the critique I got. Ether Echoes pointed out more problems with the whole thing, being more adamant about changing the perspective and that one scene than you pointed out, which is starting to make me question more parts of it. At this point I'm still trying to work out the best way to change and fix it, and also if I should take Ether's specific gripes into account or think of it as just not his kind of story. I may need more help from /fic/ to make up my mind.
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