Tumblr can't be my diary at times, but this place can! Now excuse my girlish ramblings. · 2:44am Oct 13th, 2013
You know the funny thing about college is that you think everything is going to change, including yourself. Especially if you had a crappy time at high school (which I did with the exception of drama class, that one performance I had and discovering 20 bronies at my school). You think to yourself "I'M GONNA BE A STRONG INDEPENDENT COLLEGE STUDENT WITH A CUTE FACE AND DECENT FASHION TASTE AND FORGET ABOUT ALL MY EMOTIONS FROM THE LAST FOUR YEARS" and your subconscious is all like "Lol, NOPE!"
In my case I was head over heels with this one dude for like two years. Ever seen Les Miserables? I'm Eponine, this dude was Marius and he had himself a Cosette.
My God I loved that boy.....
I loved his smile. That little shit-eating grin of his always made my day. It didn't matter what his problems were; he took time to look after me. To make sure I was okay and happy.... He was so nice.... And caring....
.....
Why do I miss him? I always thought there was a chance; that's why. I thought there was a chance when he confessed that he had a crush on someone in the theatre department, only to find out it wasn't me. I thought there was a chance when he asked me to help him pick out a present for his girlfriend. I thought there was a chance as my friend explained to me very loudly for half an hour that not only did he know about my feelings for him, but he didn't care. I thought there was a chance as I deleted his number and cried for three hours to my best friend. And I thought there was a chance as he and his girlfriend signed my senior yearbook wishing me the best in life as a final goodbye.
These thoughts haunt me and drive me insane. It's what makes me cry at 2 am as I lie awake with nothing to think about. I think about his hugs.... He gave the best hugs ever. Those hugs from behind that surprise you, you know? Those kinds.... His love for everything and wanting to know how everything worked the way it did. He was damn good at everything too. Placed in the top 20 smartest kids for our class.
Who was I kidding? He never would have considered me....
Though I'll say this much: I'll find a way to get over him. I have to... If i need to move on with my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And there goes my ramblings that are about sad things!
Tumblr: lamentsofachick.tumblr.com
Bulls eye.
*Looks at target*
*Bulls eye is labeled 'FEELZ'*
Ah schitt...
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But bravo! Good for you for trying to move on! I can't say I'd know what that's like, or how hard it could be, but still. Kootos to your spirit!