Top 8 things that makes Equestria Girls horrible · 11:45pm Sep 6th, 2013
You know, after had read it the awesome reviews of MovieMaster, i've tried to do the same. But i couldn't do it. To much long and far to much painful experience trying to remember that damn movie. So i thought that maybe i could make a short list about why i think that EQG sucks. A top five, to be precisly.
1) The story: It's the same of those highschool movies, only with Twilight in the role of the new girl in the big school that have to deal with a huge bitch and that gets the boyfriend of that bitch and after several problems manage to become princess of the prom. And is not like the movie makes fun of such clichè highschool movie, no, it follows them around. There is no real surprise for the movie, even because the first trailer showed at least 80% of the movie. And the movie is full of plot-holes. Oh god the plot-holes. There are so many. Not even MovieMaster could do it in one review, and he edited his work many time. That guy deserve a medal;
2) The characters: The humanized ponies acts and speak like they were a carbon-copy of the pony we know and love. You could predict what they're gonna say even without psychic powers. It seems like they were generalyzed in their own field Rainbow Dash is one of this. Try to count how many she repeat the word awesome. And all the other have little to no real time to shine. Everything seems focused on Twilight. And Twilight gets the worst. This is her at the dumbest. The real Twilight could have resolved the thing in 20 minutes or even less. But her intelligence is the last of her problems. Like the good Rylasasin made me notice, Twilight is a damn Mary Sue. She dosen't do anything really, exept getting all the praise for her friends. Think about it: Who was to help her realize that there was a video about her? Rarity. Who is that resolve the problems about the HuMane 5? Themselves, and they could have done this without her if they wans't write it like freaking idiots. Who was the idea to use those pony ears and tails? Rarity again. Who was it to help her to prove her innocence? Flash Sentry. And what saved her from beating the villain? The greateast ass pull ever made. And talking about intelligence, the HuMane 5, the entire school and both Human Celestia and Luna are freaking idiots. The HuMane 5 to not have tried to confront each other about those fake messages and Celestia/Luna to not realize that Sunset Shimmer control the school acting like a bully;
3) Spike is a dog: I know that even those who bash this movie say that Spike is probably one of the few good things of the movie. And i could agree. After all the shit that the poor dragon has gone through in Season 3 is nice that Meghan give him a good attitude. But the thing is and remain that Spike is still a dog and that he is used to make all the typical dog-jokes you can get. And having a good Spike stucked into being a pet when he could help so much more than be a simple cute dog sucks almost worst than having a bad Spike in a dog body. Spike is like the little brother/Adoptive son of Twilight (In canon, in fanfics im a sucker for SpiLight pairing), make of Spike a simple animal, even if talking, and using just for silly jokes... it's a real sin;
4) The Shot-outs/Cameos: There is a lot of cameos of Humanezide ponies in this movie. And all of them are simple put to distract the fans from the real problems of the movie. The fact that most of the characters of the series happen to be in the same school is weak premise, and it limits the world that could be expanded. It would be nice seeing how the HuMane 5 lives, and how different (or same) they're life might be. But no, Hasbro wanted to play safe and not focus on the movie. Heck, even the CMC have no impact on the movie. AppleJack and Rarity had problems and they still leave their sisters Sweetie Bell and Applebloom to hang out? It's never explained if the groups meet secretly or something, sure it didn't seems so. And isn't a waste that the CMC wasn't the band that could have played at the prom? And maybe they could have helped Twilight even more and at the same time make them learn more about their skills with music. But no, all the cameos in this movie where just there to make fans rejoice by making them remember of actually a good show so that they will not notice of how this movie is shit;
5) The romantic sub-plot: This is one of the worst thing that i've ever seen. It makes the Twilight saga looks like Romeo And Juliet. Flash Sentry is supposed to be the love interest for Twilight. And as all the rest of the movie such love interest is shit. Is like they think "Ehi if people pair up Derpy with Doctor Hooves despite the fact that they never exchange a word then why couldn't we do something like that with Twilight and some dude?". But from where both Derpy and Doctor didn't really have that much scene it helps, the same can't be said with a character that we know well and a complete new guy that makes Edward Cullen looks like James Bond. Flash Sentry is bland, weak, have little to no impact on me. The relationship with Twilight is just "Oh they look cute togheter" is weak and materialistic. And is so Clichè. Twilight is a Princess and Flash Sentry is a knight (Kind of). And they share little to no real scene togheter. All they do is bump an exchange a glare... and then Twilight would go all blush and shy. Why would she be shy with someone who is not only not a pony and someone that she knew nothing? And that part where it is said that he is the ex-boyfriend of Sunset Shimmer? Is never again mentioned. And don't we forget how Flash Sentry reminds a bit to much of Shining Armor, only with orange fur and is a pegasus. For the rest they are almost the same: Both work as soldiers (Different ranks, but still same duty), both have blue mane, both have a shield like Cutie Mark. Yep, Hasbro was so inspired by him that they didn't even do a toy for him.
6) The villain: From a series that give us great villain, Sunset Shimmer is not one of them. Sunset is a lame villain that the movie tries to make look menacing, with slasher smiles, evil glare and a lot of talking. It tries so hard that it fails miserably. Sunset is not menacing, not even a bit. And Snips and Snails are just so clichè henchmen, we got the slim one and the fat one and both of them are not really bright. I don't care if there is a good reason or not of why in the human world they are evil, im tired of seeing them help (willingly or not) the villain. It show just how the movie lack of originality. But i will say this: Is not really Sunset Shimmer fault that she sucks so horribly like villain. Is more fault of the movie and his setting. Sunset had the chance to be what Twilight Sparkle could have become if she didn't knew about friendship and this could have lead to deep devolepment about her, making of her not only a great villain, but even some kind of tragic figure that didn't have the chance to understand what friendship is. But the settings of the movie and how rushed it is ruin everything, turning her into a one dimensional villain that acts like some Dragon ball fusion-like between Trixie and Diamond Tiara. And her redemption in the ending is something so fucking rushed and pointless...Sigh.
7) The musics: People will say that is one of the good things about Equestria Girls, i say that is no less shitty than the movie. All the songs sucks. Let's make a list of it:
The Intro: This sounds so techno-Pop that it hurts my ears. It sounds like it is a fan-made thing, and maybe it is. But i guess that, because of how the settings of the movie are i sure couldn't expect to hear orchestrea music;
The Strange New World: You know that your movie is gonna sucks when your songs explain why it shouldn't be made. And it repeats the main title a bit to many times, like Daniel didn't have any original idea. Oh, btw, Twilight didn't even sing the song;
The Cafeteria Song: If there is a reason of why people like this movie despite of all the shitty writing and horrible character development is this damn song. It's catchy, yeah, but when you listen to the lyrics you should realise that the only thing that deserve to be under the hooves that goes up and down is the damn dvd. That or the Hasbro chiefs;
The big Night: Not only it downright rapes what the original MLP FIM give us. Not only it seems to say "Ehi girls, if you want to look good, be sure to wear mini-skirts, cause or else you will loke like crap", but the lyrics are so damn cheesy and repetitive, that it seems that it was write by Randy Newman in one of his worst day. It repeats so many time that is gonna is them big night that i was thinking that my audia was stucked in that part.
So, the songs are generic and boring. That's show so much of how Daniel Ingram wanted to work on this shit.
8) The climax (Spoiler): The last 13 minuts of the movie are a collection of failure, one after an other. It's probably one of the worst climax of the story of bad climaxes in movies. Now, Sunset Shimmer didn't think to cheat, changing the votes that Twilight get from the students, she did't even thought to shut off the lights and steal the crown like some REAL SMART VILLAIN would do. What does she do? She make Spike get kidnapped (How the hell did that happend?) just to make her go before the statue where she is found armed with an hammer. So, is Sunset gonna threat to kill Spike if Twilight will not give her the crown and actually be good at being the villain? Of coure not, she leave Spike goes. And then she threat to break the mirror with such hammer. Yeah, breaking a portal with a hammer. Thats smart. Even if she hit the statue it still a big statue, and unless she is strong as a freaking wrestler, it will take several hit to really damage the thing so bad that it will stop working. Is kinda of a forced thing, just like the movie. Let's get back to busisness. Sunset threat to destroy the mirror (despite what i've stated before) unless that Twilight give her the crown. And trust me, from here the movie gets worst (Hard to belive, but it happen). Twilight refuse to give the crown back stating that Equestria can make it out without of her and her elements... Yeah, right. It's not like it was stated that without her element Equestria will lose one of their MOST IMPORTANT DEFENSE, right?
...Oh wait, no, IT FUCKING WAS!
Whatever. And so Sunset apparently give up, maybe thinking that if she threat to kill Spike with her hammer she just MIGHT get the crown, like some REAL VILLAIN would do. But then she jumps at Twilight to take the crown by herself, helped by Snips and Snail. And here i could not help but wonder: Why aren't Applejack and Rainbow Dash kick Snips, Snails and Sunset ass? We've seen how Applejack is very strong and that Rainbow is a very sportive chick that seems to know kung fu. Why didn't they beat them up? There is a very powerful item at stake, i think that they could risk to broke some bones. Oh, and also Spike seems to have problem opening a door despite the fact that he open such door with no problem when they first get in the human world (and here i've started to wonder if the movie was even listening to himself). But i digress.
So, in the end Sunset manage to get her hands on the crown and it wield it. And then things turn to really bad to "What the fuck were they thinking/smoking". Sunset transform in to a butt ugly demon, turn Snips and Snails into something like her and brainwash the students into becoming zombie-like and reveal that she want to take over Equestria, and that she is sure that she will take over such country with some houndreds of kids? Mind you, she talk specificly about the kids army, not of her power and the kids army. This plan blow so hard. If you want to know why go check MovieMaster8510 reviews of Equestria Girls, where explain the reason of it. And then she tries to kill Twilight and her friends. But then some deus ex bullshit happens that makes so that Twilight manage to bring the crown back (Thing that it could have spared us to watch this crap) and, despite the fact that it was confirmed that the elements works only when they are all gathered, despite the fact it was confirmed that in the human world there is no magic, some shit happens. The crown turn the HuMane 5 and Twilight into some kind of furry, and then hit Sunset with the classic Rainbow. Yeah, very original Hasbro, is not like is something that we have seen in at least twice. So, Sunset get turn back to human and goes from "Im invincible! Im gonna rule the entire Equestria" to "Im so sorry, i didn't knew there was another way". I guess that the movie is trying to make us feel bad for Sunset, but is so rushed and sudden that it fails, miserably. But Twilight forgives her (Yup) and all is done. With only few minuts left before the portal is closed (Oh right, there was a time limit too. Easy to forgot, cause there is no tension for the time out) you would guess that Twilight will run like hell and get back home with the crown/element right? Well, i can guess that you were a smart person to think that. Unfortunatly this movie is not as smart as you and us, cause Twilight lose precious time partecipating to the prom, does her awkward dance (with Flashy personality himself) and only at the last second she goes home. Weird thing is that Flash Sentry does not come to say goodbye. But you know what, i can make up with this scene. Flash Sentry tried to mimick Twilight dance, but it breaks all his bones and his neck and die on the place. Ok, now we're good.
And that's the climax. You know how much the movie sucks when the last... no, ONLY battle of the movie is only 3 minutes or even less, and in those 3 minutes you reveal the evil plot is dumb, and it show that the people who made this movie know very little about real movies.
So, in the end it was 8 things. But is still pretty short version of what i think. There are so many things wrong with this movie.
If you want a real review, the Movie Master one is the one that you need. It explain all the flaws of the movie (or at least the most of it).
Bu-by!
I find it funny that you used some of the same phrases that I used in my previous YouTube videos and blog. I guess it comes to show you, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
1336921 Is not meant to mock you
is just that your reviews and you're comments are really good.
). People just don't realize that they throwing their money at.
! In what kind of sick demented world are we living 
!?
You point out all the wrong things about EQG without mercy, putting that piece of crap at his place.
Equestria Girls is one of the worst movie of this year, and probably THE worst animated movie ever made, and knowing that on MLP Forum there are so many people who praise it like the best thing ever (They like the intro music, THE FREAKING INTRO MUSIC
Heck, some people even like it that live-action stuff
I liked the Movie... but I know it was far from perfect (I would call it a Guilty Pleasure) and I fully agree on the Part with Flash Sentry.
But everpony has a different Opinion and some like it and some don't like it. Like the Nostalgia Critic said in his Le Miserables Review: "There's even some people who didn't like Toy Story 3!" (and on the flip-site there might be someone who liked Garbage Pail Kids... Yeah, I'm a NC-Fan)
1471695 I guess that i can't do nothing to make you change mind, sure is much better taking the movie for a guilty pleasure than a masterpiece. I know that people have different opinions, but there must be a point where opinions are bullshit. Of course is not easy and most of the times people will say that their own opinion is above all others.
But one thing is saying that you didn't liked Toy Story 3, another one is saying that Equestria Girls is better than TS3.
EQG for me threated the viewers like idiots with those crappy cameos and those multi-colored humans. I feel like they made look that way so that the HuMane 5 wouldn't look out of place. And then the bare fact that they had their names like the pony version is just stupid!