ADHD and dealing with it. (Or, the life of Scott)

Note: this blog will have no claims based on any research and I'm solely speaking out of personal experience.

So, to people who I often converse with, I'll probably already have mentioned that I have a minor case of ADHD (exactly how minor? I have no idea.) ADHD stands for Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. So in laypony's terms, you'll gobble up attention like your life depends on it and sometimes you have no idea what to do with your energy. When you can put your energy into something that gives you attention, that's when you (me) are capable of putting in abundant amounts of energy into that activity.

At one particular point this year, we were playing games with two classes of my school during a school-vacation. The goal was to jump to the field of the other team and recite the alphabet for as long as you can while tagging people (who would then be your prisoners). I volunteered as the first contender because I love competitive games. I did a decent run and I was pretty tired (we were playing on sand and on a hill). Only when I realised that some of my classmates where impressed by my feat did I go to the top of the hill again and jumped back into the fray as quick as I could. This continued for like eight more runs while I was getting exhausted. Lunch-break had come up and we were walking to a big hill so we could sit there. Still drinking in the attention I was getting, I sprinted to the hill, acting like I wasn't that tired at all. Only when I nearly reached the top did it hit me that I was barely able to breath anymore. I was so exhausted that I had to lay completely still for 10 minutes to catch my breath enough to eat my lunch.

Why am I telling you this? Because it was a really stupid thing to do for just tiny bits of attention. And because there are better ways to get attention.

My case of ADHD: I'm so fond of attention that I can get jealous when someone else is getting it, it's hard for me to keep myself focused on stuff, I can put a lot of energy in things I want (or think I want) and I was a really annoying bugger when I was young.

How I dealt with it throughout high-school: Okay, first thing, I'm not really that social. I made plenty of shallow friends who like you because you're a guy and you're different but that's it. I have like only three really good friends or so. When I had to choose which high-school to go to, I just went with the masses so I'd have people around me that I know. I ended up picking a school which basically had only courses that I was bad at (manual labor). After two yours I switched schools and got into a completely new environment. But I'll get to that later.

So, in high-school, basically anything you do wrong (or right) can get a bully on your trail. Being socially awkward and weird is one of those. The bad thing was, I was in denial that I was being bullied. I considered some of those my friends because they would give me attention and someone to stand around because I wasn't in the same class as any of my friends from the previous school. I bough attention by bringing candy to school (which I heard was really good candy) and practically becoming a candy-merchant (didn't last for long, someone ratted me out to the principal :p).

So, the next year on that school, entirely different class because I had to go from "Technisch" to "Beroeps" (basically, from higher education in the same course, to lower education in the same course). I got by by pretending to hate teachers along with the rest of the class. The only annoying guy got expelled around half the year through.

Then, I had to pick a different school because I couldn't get decent grades (actually I had pretty decent grades, EXCEPT for manual labor classes which happened to be the most important) so I went to a school where I could follow a course that seemed to fit me, OFFICE (computers, administrative duties, stuff like that). My first year there was hell all over again. Bully who would constantly punch my shoulder while we were getting through recess. Nobody to talk to. At least my grades were shaping up :)

My next year (third year of six, seven if you specialise) is when I made a change (also the year when I stopped being extremely frustrating for my parents, around age 14). The bully (AKA Diamond Tiara) didn't make the next year and his henchman (AKA Silver Spoon) turned out to be a pretty fun guy. He acted normal around me because we already got kinda acquainted through Diamond Tiara.

One thing changed for me in that year. I got really heavily into music. I don't mean that as in playing an instrument but as in memorising lyrics, singing along with songs and literally translating them to Dutch (they sound hilarious). Music gave me a constant calm mind as it would constantly keep me in a good mood. My behavior changed along with my mood and I became a little more sociable. I also managed to find a creative outlet for my need for attention by becoming a good student but also someone who's not shy of being brutally honest and having a smart quip for some of the more annoying classmates. Another bully (or rather, would be bully) came onto the stage at that point and due to her foreign status and temper, she intimidated a lot of people. At this point, I was rather interested into psychology so I had all my own reasons why she acted like that so I was not intimidated in any way.

At one point she got really mad and try to intimidate me into backing down. It didn't work, and people started to respect me. Some people would talk to me about how they were glad that someone didn't back down and she got 'served' as they say :p

That same year, I made some friends and I continued to be the weird guy with a weird sense of humor. I kept top grades by sitting at the front of the class so I didn't get distracted and I managed to get most of the trouble-makers to give the teachers so slack instead of blaming them for their own failings.

What is my point in all this? Now, I'm not saying that you need to find a school bully, study psychology and stare him/her into submission. If you feel like nobody understands you, that is because they can't. Only people who have ADHD can understand it. That goes for everything that alters the mind. That doesn't mean that you can't have someone to guide you.

Find something that inspires you. Like music is to me, there can be something like that for you too. MLP is just as good of an example of something that you can push your energy into and a group where you can feel accepted.

Have trouble keeping focused for long on things? I have found that playing videogames can really improve on that because it gives you something to do while you're staying focused. Reading books is just going through pages and moving your pupils. Most games have you making an effort for something or giving you so many possibilities in that game that makes it so much more. From there, it's just a matter of getting accostumed to a slower pace of action. 8 years ago I was running around the table till I got tired and now I'm reading fanfiction. slowly scrolling up and down the thousands of words. And I don't regret a thing.

Dealing with bullies. Having a bully is never your fault. They are usually (from my personal experience) underperforming students that think the world should suffer for it. There isn't anything that can guarantee that you won't get bullied (except when you're a semi-Hulk with an intellect to boot) but there are ways to deal with it (and try to avoid it).

The most obvious course and possibly also the hardest is to make some 'real' friends. Not friends where you just stand with to not stand along during recess but people who you actually like to talk to and who you can joke with. Most bullies focus on single targets.

Try to reason with him. Some people may be going through a tough time and some person to listen to their problems might be all they need. Others feel like they have to act like a bully to be considered 'cool' by the others. Trying to befriend him or just generally showing kindness can come a long way.

If you're up to it, fight back but with restraint. Don't go full rage-mode but give one punch and then try to break off the fight before it begins. This rarely works but people will know what you're made off. You can pack a punch but you still rather avoid fighting.

Tell your principal. Nobody wants to be a snitch. That's a given. But is dealing with a bully all year really worth it? Most bullies will give up after their first detention or punishment. If it gets worse, he'll get expelled and you'll be free. The rest of the class will get over it.

I think that's pretty much all I have to say right now. Be sure to ask questions if you want.

Comments

[PONYBUG24]

Yep, you just described part of what I just went through, having ADHD, only I had it worse, because I am also autistic. At my school in Tennessee, I was considered to be a short, scrawny, bookworm, like . I even had Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon like bullies at my school, but I wasn't worried I had my big brother there to protect me. Even hanging around the most popular girl in school, who was a grade level ahead of me, (and had a huge crush on my mom friend's son), didn't help my coolness. I still was just another scrawny, dork, who would always me shorter than the rest of her class, but always test higher then them in every subject, except math. It wasn't until the 6th grade, when I got into band that I became I was still my smart, self, but I was a band geek, and I it!

[DbzOrDie]

1338828
Glad to hear things worked out