Pre-readers and Funny Comic · 1:46am Jul 5th, 2013
Hey everyone,
I hope everyone in the U.S. had a great Independence Day. Everyone else, I hope you just had a nice day overall. :)
Just a quick question for you . Would any of you mind doing a quick read-through of my updated version of "The Unluckiest, Lucky Colt in Equestria"? I've done some 'surgery' on it so that it is different from both the version I have on DA as well as the one on this site. The story is basically the same but I've edited it and moved around some bits so that, at least I feel that, it flows better. I didn't have any faves for the version on DeviantArt and want to make sure the story is well-written before I even consider submitting it here (I might even re-submit it onto DA once I'm done working on it).
Anyway, if any of you are interested go here and let me know in the comments if you feel it looks good or not. I'll credit you for pre-reading it in the 'about' section for the story.
Also I must mention part of the inspiration for this story, especially the last bit, comes from Every Thorn Has its Rose by Seven81493.
Also because I feel bad for writing another one of these blog posts, here is a comic.
Source: here
Because it has Thunderlane...even though I'm more into writing ThunderDash.
- nygiants93
Well...that was incredibly cruel of you Spike...
Teach me your ways!
...gewwwd, gewwwwwd my young apprentice.
I have taught you well, Padawan Spike.
Seriously, it's cool that my story inspired a bit of yours. And from what I've read (which is all of it), it's fantastic.
1188802
Yep, sorry I forgot to credit you earlier. I'll make sure you get some in the summary.
Also I'm happy to hear you think it sounds good. I might put it out this weekend just to get it off my hands. I'm a bit nervous about it since it is a bit different than other fics I've written structure-wise, and I'm nervous about the flow so comments like this make me feel better about it.
1189674
Yep. Here you go. Thanks for offering to help.
1189674
Also if you make any big changes or edits (things besides grammar and spelling) can you bold it so that I can see where you've made the edits? Thanks again.
1188829
Could you give me a link to the story that isn't a "view only" so I can make the corrections/edits/comments directly on the story?
Hmmm.... I like the overall concept of the story. However, due to how the story is told it came as a huge and really cheesy shock when Roseluck began flirting with Lucky. Like Roseluck said, "not too subtle." After a few paragraphs and the revelation RoseLUCK, my mind adjusted and began to accept it. I can understand that Lucky is going through a moderate to severe mind crisis and is focused on all the negative things that's happened to him and is therefore not thinking about all of the good things that have happened to him aka, Roseluck. Still, you mentioned some good things, being saved by a random boat, happy memories of drunken fun with friends, something about getting laid
, well you see what I mean. I think if you work Roseluck into the story before Lucky notices her it won't seem like such a shock when she meets, and Lucky can just play it off saying "isn't it just my luck to meet her here" or something like that.
I think if you foreshadow a bit more, and it really doesn't have to be much, it should take away the shock factor that could make some readers stop reading. After all, not everyone is a hopeless romantic such as myself.
Cheers.
1189745
No problem, I left a comment explaining my biggest concern in a previous comment. Hopefully that makes sense and you can do something with it.
1189759
Yeah that's very helpful. That was sort of one of my main concerns (i.e. bringing Roseluck into the story) so maybe I'll add a bit with her in when I mention how only Noteworthy and Caramel stuck by his side from school, and he made more friends as he got older.
Thank you very much I'll work on fixing it up.
1189788
Hey, before you post I stayed up after work and finished the rest of the story. Give it a quick check before posting. Also, sorry if some of the edits are repetitive or excessive, but I gave it my best shot.
1191204
Awesome. Thanks man. Once again, I really appreciate you helping me out with this.