*SPOILERS* Review to the One-Shot "Melt" by ambion

When I first started reading this, I knew that I was in for a treat. It did live up to my expectations but maybe a bit too far for a one-shot.
The great high-level vocabulary that fits with a story between Celestia and Twilight, the absolutely beautifully done descriptions and imagery, and well thought out and place hook that drew in my attention, the idea of this happening sounds very much believable, and it has an interesting conflict.
But with all these great things that happen and what was done right, the problems that I see it having just kill off a lot of good feelings for this story such as it becoming cleched and the length for such content.
Lets go into detail.

Things that I like:
1)The vocabulary was so spot on. Words such as wan, sumptuous, and bemoan are used and used correctly. What is more great about this is the fact that it is high-level vocabulary that isn’t used very much except for maybe a couple of times but we may not even know what it means. It works in this story because it is between Celestia and Twilight, two very intelligent mares who could use this vocabulary and understand what it means. The vocab wasn’t used so much that it was in our faces and not know what is being said, but it’s used when it was useable and the content that it was used in would define what the word meant.
2)I am a sucker for descriptions and you nailed it on the head here. At times in the story, I could almost feel the warmth of the furness even though it is freezing in my room right now. That’s good imagery. It helps to suck in the reader to the plot and to really get the reader to the end. It starts from the beginning with a vengeance and never lets up for even a split second.
3)I found the hook to be when Celestia hears the voice of Twilight. It was the fact that such a confident mare could be talking to the Princess in such a quiet, weak voice. It was curious to what was wrong with the mare and I wanted to see the resolution. It was effective and does its job right.
4)I could actually believe that this could happen in real the pony world. Celestia would help Twilight feel better. I know Twilight wouldn’t be just sitting around but actually finding out what was wrong with her, and when she did, she took immediate action...just line the canon would.
5)The conflict doesn’t really start to show its true gritty head from the start until we learn what the disease really was and what it did. We could almost truly feel sorry for Twilight having to go through this and we want it to be resolved.

Things I didn’t like:
1)That is where the problems start to play as it really doesn’t resolve itself in the end. It leaves us on a cliffhanger at the wrong time. For this type of story, there really shouldn’t be a cliffhanger because the reader would have so much want for Twilight to get better but then it cuts off, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
2)This goes along with the fact that I felt that this was just way too short for what it was providing for us. It should’ve been a full on multi-chaptered fan fiction that would’ve been very good with what was shown. It ended too fast for anything to really sink in and at the point it ended just wasn’t very smart either.
3)At the beginning, I felt that this was something brand new and it turned out to be a full on cleched moment between Celestia and Twilight finding out that there is more to life than what they originally thought. I’ve seen this so many times, it gets really annoying.

Comments:
1)Why did you start in the beginning of the first paragraph talking about how she walked with “elegance and grace” before talking about how she joked around in the same paragraph?
2)Why does Celestia say “Yes, it’s me” when Twilight only said “Hi Princess” and not “Is that you, Princess?”

All-in-all:
It was a very interesting read from the beginning to end, I really enjoyed it very much and I see so much potential in the story for it to be expanded upon. But with all the things that it does right, the things that it didn’t do so well really affect the overall story and feelings I felt from the beginning to the feelings at the ending.

Score:
With a long thinking throughout writing this review, I give this one-shot a 7.8/10 and a THUMBS UP to suggest reading it.