That awkward first impression

Alright, how do I phrase this without offending someone? Well, since this is a first impression, I will tell you about how I plan to write, well, type, my stories. First off, I will be including a million references, not literally a million, to a million other things, not literally a million. I will also be connecting my stories 'valve style.' That is a reference to Portal 2, how in the game, a very secret room can be found showing that a boat is missing. That same boat appears in a different game, which is the types of connections I will be doing, only with stories rather than boats. Well, maybe boats and games, but that'll need to wait a bit. Anyways, I also tend to love to play tricks on everyone's minds. So, if you are reading my stories; Read at your own risk. Your mind might be blown at any time. Another risk to take- well, really just something I need to put here for legal reasons; I am not responsible for any nightmares gained by reading any of these stories. By signing your name here x_________________ you agree to ignore everything I just told you and take full responsibility for your nightmares.
You could also just sign your name here. x_________________
Or here x__________________
If you had a pen
And if you didn't care about your computer screen.
Anyways, that's pretty much it so I will 'see' (really type to) you all in the next blog post of random crap that will probably be pointless but no one will really read it anyways since everyone is really focused on the stories rather than the authors and stuff etc *more random stuff here* there we go I'm done now.
BYE BYE!