The scariest thing happened to me. · 8:33am May 19th, 2013
Just now I engaged in the most vicious battle imaginable.
Being unable to sleep, and my tonsils hurting like leetle beeches, I decided to go downstairs and get some soup and tea.
Having finished rummaging around in the cupboard, my eyes were met with the most horrific scene imaginable. A cockroach the size of a small armored personnel carrier was running around at near lightning speed around the counter. I froze in terror, my intense fear of cockroaches instantly paralyzing every ligament in my body. In previous situations I would leave the area, however not this time. For too long our scuttling overlords have pushed us around. It was time to fight back.
I weighed up my options. The only weapon I had in the area was a kettle filled with 95 degree water. Would it work? It was a case of now or never.
Of course, using its lightning fast reflexes homed by millions of years of escaping predators, I was no match for it. It simply sidestepped the pitiful spray of water, and waved its antennas as if to say "oh ur fukd now m8". And opened its 2 metre long wings.
For those who have never seen a cockroach in flight before, it is a truly horrible thing. Truly this is proof that there is no divine creator, since no being would so evil as to create such terrible things. It flew straight towards me, however, using my reflexes homed by several years of doing nothing, I managed to somehow get out of its way right in time as it landed in the cupboard I had been going through earlier.
I quickly moved to the laundry. There had to be something I could use against the gargantuan eldritch horror. I quickly noticed two almost empty cans of Raid, and quickly grabbed them before returning to the kitchen.
The cockroach was there, staring at me, its antennas probably detecting the fear pouring from my body. Once again, it prepared its 747 sized wings for another lunge at me. This time, I was prepared. I raised both cans of raid and began spraying. As if in slow motion, it flew towards me, and as it got closer and closer, I moved to the side and managed to fire at its less heavily armored rear. It fell to the floor, and flipped over onto its back.
I waited 45 minutes for it to die.
TLDR; You are a faggot, go back and read it. I 180 noscoped a goddamn cockroach. Are you not entertained?!
Yes Observer,I am very entertained