I'm thinking of taking a big step in my life... · 10:57pm May 12th, 2013
... and I need some advice.
It's funny... I didn't ever seriously consider moving out, but now I realize: I'm almost out of high school, so I could work full time. That might bring in, say, $1500 a month if I didn't work really hard, which would seem manageable to me... Then if I cut costs down, I could most certainly live a decent life working in a career field I enjoy. And occasionally I could go out and do things. The only problem would be... I don't want to come to an empty place to call 'home.' I absolutely hate being or feeling like I'm alone. Loneliness will drive me mad, if I'm exposed to it long enough. All I really want is financial stability, independence, and a girl that I love that will return those feelings for me. That would make me relatively content with myself.
But I am now seriously considering it. If anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it. I also don't really want mom to know yet.
I am 22 years old and I am literally living in my parents basement. Have I had similar thoughts? hell yes. And I still living in this basement for good reasons? yes. Does the fact that I have had good oppertunities to move out and have turned them down say something? also yes.
Now, I am not of the mind that giving advice should mean I say: "you should to X, but not Y, because Y is stupid." I am of the mind that advice means that I tell you things that you maybe didn't think of and that you should absolutely take into consideration. That being said...
I am going to walk you through my thought process when I chose not to move out.
Moving out.
Pros:
Away from parents.
It's my house, I can do what I want.
Friends over whenever I want.
Would probably mean getting a roommate to afford things more easily, I have several good friends who would probably be into that. Living with one of my friends would be awesome.
Cons:
Rent/house payment+buying food+buying my own furniture+water bill+heat bill+internet bill+taxes=Very expensive
What if my friend can't make their end of the rent/house payment? Kick them out?! Could I even bring myself to do that? Even if it needed to be done?
Cooking all my own meals...
Lonely(not seeing my little sister as much)
Things to Consider:
Is moving out something I need, or something I want? (in my case, something I want)
How well do I get along with my parents? (In my case I get along very well with them)
Is my job stable enough to be able to count on always having enough money? (in my case, no)
Am I mature enough to budget myself and put rent first? (in my case, yes)
How long will I be living here? (In my case, not long)
The biggest deciding factor to me was cost. Yes, I could have afforded it, but, that would have meant that most of every paycheck would go towards my half of rent. Right now, most of the money I make is getting squirreled away for a rainy day (or a down payment on my first house, some other similar big ticket item). Not having that healthy rainy day fund scared me. So, yea, I could have afforded moving out and renting some place with a roommate, especially if I started working full time instead of part time (working full time would have affected my college classes, which as another big reason I didn't move out), but I chose not to, because I could save up a lot more money, and the stress of trying to work full time and go to college full time would have either made me drop out of college or made me crazy.
I looked at all the data, and decided that I gained the most by staying with my parents. Now my parents are pretty cool, and we get along well. If that isn't the case for you... I totally understand if you feel like the cost beneficent of living with them isn't worth the stress and drama of dealing with them. But I advise that you think long and hard before you move out. Every home cooked meal, every month of electricity, every drop of water, every second of AC in the summer or warmth in the winter is something you get for free right now. And all of that adds up.
Not that I'm trying to make this all about money, that was just the deciding factor for me. I had a few friends lined up who had either already asked me if I wanted to room with them, or who would have said yes if I asked them the same question. The loneliness factor wasn't a big thing for me. All that being said, I hope you make a decision you won't come to regret.
1073375 You provide a lot of good advice. Not like most people who tell me what to do.
This is what I'm looking at
Moving out:
Pros:
Away from mom.
My house, my rules.
I can go to my friends house whenever I please, which is extremely important to me.
Girls can stay over and (possibly) cuddle with me to sleep. (big one)
If I do get a roomie, I'd prefer to be in a relationship with them.
Cons:
It's relatively expensive to live.
I might need a roommate, and it could be bad.
Lonely when I'm there by myself.
Things to consider: I'll just use your questions, they make sense.
Is moving out something I need, or something I want? (right now, something I want)
How well do I get along with my parents? (It depends on who you ask, and what type of day it is. She bitches about a lot, and we almost never see each other unless she's yelling at me.)
Is my job stable enough to be able to count on always having enough money? (haven't really put much thought into it yet)
Am I mature enough to budget myself and put rent first? (for the most part, yes)
How long will I be living here? (Until I can get a better job to get better housing.)
Staying at mom's:
Pros:
Free food and rent and all that.
Paid medical and car insurance (even though i pay back car insurance slowly)
Some other stuff I might not be mentioning, that i might be taking for granted.
Cons:
Continue to feel lonely when not with a particular girl.
Going to bed alone, with no one to cuddle with me.
Curfew.
Have to make my own meals most of the time.
Have to deal with her complaining a lot.
Have to be home when she says.
Can't have the fun I would like to because she thinks I can't handle myself.
The major thing for me would be that I absolutely hate being alone. That's the deciding factor for me. I'm sure I could afford it, but I can't call a place 'home' if I feel like shit there all the time. But if I had that special girl with me, I would absolutely love to move out. Plus, I can't save any money right now because my boss won't give me anymore hours, and what I do make I spend immediately because I typically need it all. But that's because I work 12hrs a week (if I'm lucky) at $9/hr. If I worked full time, or got more jobs, I could definitely pay my way. (Especially if I skimp on car insurance, as I'm a pretty damn good driver.)
It's not looking like I can do it right now, but I certainly could if I save up this Summer.
1073590
That's not good
Yea, I can't blame you for wanting to move out. If my relationship with my folks were that bad I probably would have moved out by now...
Just a warning, that could end very, very badly
Sounds like a plan. But I suggest that, if it is within your power, you try and figure out why things are as bad as they are with your mom, and, if possible, try to patch that up.
I'm sure you know the old saying, You can't pick your family. Well, there is a lot of truth in that. But perhaps the biggest thing is what that saying implies. It implies that you are stuck with your family, and no matter how bad things get, your mom will always be your mom. You can't "trade in for a new model," you're stuck with her for the rest of your life, and no matter how bad things get between you, no matter how much ground you try and put between yourself and her, there will always be a string leading back home.
1073694 I know it could end badly. That's why if I do have a girl with me, I'll make sure I have enough to where I can live there on my own if need be.
And I have tried to talk with her about it, but whenever I do, she wants to interrupt with something, instead of waiting for me to finish. Which leads to yelling back and forth.
1073694 I know it could end badly. That's why if I do have a girl with me, I'll make sure I have enough to where I can live there on my own if need be.
And I have tried to talk with her about it, but whenever I do, she wants to interrupt with something, instead of waiting for me to finish. Which leads to yelling back and forth.
Dude, that isn't a good sign
1073861 I know this. I mean, don't get the wrong idea, she's a good mom. She raised me right. It's just that recently she's been this way. I guess it has to do with me about to graduate?
1073905
Maybe?
I really don't know. My mom didn't get all weird when me or my sister graduated. A little cry-ey but nothing like that. But I have a buddy who's mom got all possessive and weird right before he moved out.
My best guess as a psychologist in training is that She may be trying to "hold on tighter" while she still has you, and not realize that you are 18+ish, and this is driving you nuts.
Best wishes man, I hope stuff with your mom goes back to normal soon.
1073950 You are quite right, it is driving me nuts. Your training has proven useful young one!