A Not So Pony Blog Post: We Don't Want You Here · 2:06am Apr 5th, 2013
Warning: This is probably a ton of whining, turn back if you don't care about that.
I don't typically write about life because I don't really know how much anyone even cares on here. However, I need to vent a bit. I have been working at a grocery store for about eight months, now. It's not much, but it's a job. I was happy to get my first job after somewhat of a struggle to find anyone who wouldn't just throw my resume in the trash, even with an English degree with Creative Writing Emphasis, departmental honors, an Eagle Rank, a university-specific Research Program Certification, and a Business minor. It's worn on me, though. Every day I am there I feel less and less confident in myself because there is no such thing as positive criticism. Basically, nobody does good enough, and even if they do, they need to do better, and anything they do that is good enough is only temporary.
There are many aspects to my job. Checking, bagging, helping people to their cars, cleaning, recycling, promoting events (double fuel point events, charity events, etc.), courtesy, politeness, and cleanliness. I also have taken to being the person more or less in charge of keeping the cigarette counter organized, and I am on the green team. Neither of these additional responsibilities pays me more, and I make just over minimum wage, and I have two student loans and a car loan I need to pay off. The pay stress isn't big in and of itself because I get enough hours that I can bank my paycheck and pay off the loans. That is until today.
I have had trouble lately with getting scheduled late, because I set my availability from early to late, which is my fault. However, that fault is the only thing getting me hours. I basically stop functioning after about 8:00, from something of boredom and fatigue or whatever, and even though it's not a super stressful job, I end up spending a lot of my days off sleeping, sometimes I'm tired enough that even if I have company I have fallen asleep while they're here. It's embarrassing, but even when I go to bed at reasonable times, I just feel drained. I also feel no guilt in blaming a bit of my lack of creativity as of late on work, because I get in such a rigid "realistic" state of mine.
The "until today" I refer to, and why the late scheduling is important is that I want to shorten my availability, cutting off three hours of my time, but if I do that I KNOW I will be docked hours, possibly to where I can't afford to pay for my loans. I am stuck, in that I either have to work hours where I hardly function well, or I lose my chance to make a "decent" (comparatively speaking) paycheck from week to week. Further, there is no guarantee that after a shift lasting until 10PM I won't have to work 7AM the next day, it happens to my coworkers all the time.
The turn for the worse happened today, as well. Not only did I get a schedule that mostly involves late shifts, but I was pulled aside by my supervisor who informed me my checker speed isn't fast enough and needs to improve. A fair criticism. They tell me my sense of urgency isn't strong enough, which I find strange in that I am so obsessed about my speed that any time my speed is slowed by things out of my control, I internally get quite upset, even though things happen all the time.
It only gets worse. The conversation went from there to how our store's checker score average is dropping, lately. He followed up this by informing me that those employees who get the most hours have far sub par checker scores "bringing everyone else down." I'm not the kind to shrug things off easily, and it turned, in part, to direct blame, at one point when he said it was people like me dragging down our average. That in and of itself was its own insult. No encouragement that I could do better, just that I am sapping our statistics, and hurting the store.
Further, my mind read into it, compared the two discussions, and read from it that he wishes those of us who have lots of availability would either speed up (to their bafflingly high standard) or be less available than our faster employees. That translates in my mind as "We don't really want you here, we just need you here, unfortunately."
My self-esteem already crumbles on the daily at this job, because I'm always told what needs to be better, even though I know for a fact I do certain things well. I take pride in my store, being one of the first few employees at it. I work for a franchise I will not name here, for sake of the company. It's a highly frustrating situation. I do plenty of things that go above and beyond the average worker. I try my best, at work, to keep a positive attitude, far more positive outside than I am inside. I receive, so it feels, and this could all be paranoia and overreaction, but it seems as though I receive more respect from coworkers everywhere else outside my department (general merchandise, grocery, most produce people, etc.) than inside (the front end, checkers, and customer service.)
I've talked with my head supervisor, the person in charge of my schedule among other things and told them that I've always had interest in leading, but if it means I have to become as jaded and condescending as the leadership I see every day on the front end, I'd rather do without. There is no give and take, it seems like most of the people I work with use all their smiles and positivity on the mandatory customer interaction and have none left for anything resembling respect to their coworkers, with a few rare exceptions (people, not situations, most of the rude people are consistently and constantly rude.)
I need a job to pay for my loans, I can't lose this job, but outside of my fiscal gains, every other part of my life is at a loss. I don't leave the house barring the rare occasion I go to a concert, alone. I have one friend who comes over, and I have had several conflicts with the way that goes over. I have become a nasty person to be around when I am home, more sarcastic than usual, and even more reclusive than during my abusive elementary school years. I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience a B.S. job, but at the end of the day, the worst part is that when I talk to most of my family members, they say one of two things that end up feeling more insulting than helpful, despite intentions: "Be happy you have a job, plenty of people are still out there looking for anything." Which makes it seem like "it doesn't matter that you have problems, be happy anyway." and reminds me that I am 100% replaceable by the next guy, as if work itself doesn't remind me that constantly. Or, "Keep looking for a new job, you spend most of your time downstairs goofing off when you could be looking." As if anyone else is going to hire me. I've applied for more than a couple jobs at this point, I haven't even received a rejection notice or an invitation to interview more than twice.
A list of things I do, that I don't need to include all sorts of things. The most difficult, and out of the way thing being that I clean up our recycle bins, even when not requested to do it. This includes placing the bags other employees leave laying around the bins inside the bins, even after those employees have been informed not to leave bags on the ground, overflow goes inside in the trash bin where it can be sorted at a later date, without the eyesore that can very easily upset customers. I also check the restrooms for cleanliness more or less every time I return from lunch, even though I'm not necessarily scheduled to do so. I also make sure when I collect carts to collect all of them, instead of leaving behind the remainders after large collections. I also check stalls and the sidewalks and bike racks for carts, and occasionally go to the elderly home next door and round up the carts that are left over there. This is occasionally my job, but even when it isn't, I still keep it in mind depending on the needs. I remove all garbage (napkins, leftover bags, ads, etc.) from the cart, something that is supposed to be part of the jobs, but one that few, if anyone else seems to do. I adjust the cart rack locations if they push into parking stalls. I am not sure anyone else does this besides management. I keep the cigarette counter organized, and properly stocked (despite coworkers taking individuals from cartons when individuals are already available, leaving the case looking like a mess.) To my knowledge, only three of us (outside of General Merchandise, which is in charge of the case on paper) do this, and none of us smoke. I face items when it's not busy in the middle of the day instead of standing around, I find empty bulk boxes and collect them, then place them in the cardboard baler. I've done deep cleans of the register areas when they are a mess, including spraying and wiping down the shelving areas and organizing the drawers. This is occasionally assigned, but I rarely see someone do as much to clean it as I do, only a couple others would I trust to do this.
I have been told, to date, by my superiors, that one doesn't trust me (or any coworker) with money, at a grocery store. I have been told that I am annoying by my superiors, more than one. I have been told by a superior that nobody likes me. I have been told by a superior that when I report people for things that, until that point, I understood to be a big deal (nobody told me to relax on things, they just went from "I'll keep that in mind" to...) that they fear I look like an "asshole" (literatum) to coworkers. And the only real serious, direct, to my face compliment I can recall is that I try harder than anyone else at the job. This compliment is important to me for more than one reason:
Firstly, it means that this company knows for a fact that I care about my job, and I try to do things right, and attempt to correct what I do wrong. I understand being short on the front end to an extent, because it is fast paced, and a whole discussion cannot develop from everything that happens. However, if that's the case, then short "good job" things are even more important, because short negativity clings a lot longer, and can kill morale.
Secondly, even in that, while it is a genuine compliment, when trying is the only thing I can do right, what does that mean about how they see me?
I may be putting words in their mouth, but I see myself as wholly expendable and insignificant to them. Especially coupled with what happened today.
Business may be a place of ethics on a need-only basis, but humanity shouldn't. Business wise it makes sense to let go of the stragglers, but when there's not enough empathy to encourage success, instead pushing that the employee is a functional dead weight on the day to day, it's not a healthy environment. I am not the only employee I have seen break down in tears at work. I'm not the only one turned bitter and cynical when there's nobody watching every move. I've seen conversations in which people talk about how they know they can do as poor as they want, because they know management won't fire them, because it costs the company more to fire them than to have a worker not meeting their standards. I've heard conversations about people saying one of our managers always whines about doing jobs that need to be done, implicitly because it's below them. I've heard coworkers lie to win and fudge the rules several times, some of which I would have reported if I felt safe doing so, but it's gotten so bad I don't even know that I won't get in trouble for reporting them. I've heard employees apathetic to losing their job because they didn't like it. And even with all of this, our team that analyzes work morale and attempts to promote a positive atmosphere has stated "There is no morale problem at the store."
Pardon this gigantic venting session, but today just really got to me. There is only so much one person can handle before the fuse is lit. Unfortunately, this just means I have to start bottling up for the next explosion. Sorry for those of you that sat through all 2000+ words of this, but I needed to release.
Eeeyup, sounds like me back in 2009 before Circuit City tanked... And 2011 when I got laid off and had to go work at Walmart for six months.
Get out of retail. Do it now.
I'm only fifteen and don't exactly have a lot of wise life experience, so I'm sorry if what I say doesn't really have an effect.
My dad's work has a similar morale situation. Everyone there calls their boss "Satan's son." Every once in awhile, my dad just has a really bad day and just goes to sleep right after dinner. It's a stressful job for him, and his coworkers, too. Some of them have even died and gotten cancer at that job. Selling lumber. Selling wood. That's just ridiculous, ain't it? They're just sales reps! My dad's the best salesman, selling probably 5x more than anyone else there, and his boss still just doesn't care. My dad wakes up everyday at 5AM and gets home at around 5:40PM-ish. But my dad gets a fairly decent paycheck and he has a wife and son to come home to, so that probably helps. But maybe you could try talking to your friend about it or something.
I'm sorry I don't really have any tips or advice or anything, but you can always PM me if you feel the need to vent. Talking about it seems to relieve me dad a little, maybe it can for you, too.
Again, sorry if I haven't said anything helpful.
982104 It's appreciated.
982084 If only. It's those loans. If I didn't have loans, I would.
982110 Look for a new job and don't quit 'til you have one. Everything in the world pays better than retail. Every. Thing.
I make nearly twice as much working for the State than I ever did working in retail. It took me three years of experience to get to this point. And I don't have a degree (thirty-odd hours of college credit).
982112 The problem is work experience. I have 8 months, which isn't enough for ANYTHING. I have not received so much as a "We received your application" from more than two people.
982122 Yup. That's gonna happen. Keep plugging at it. Every 90 days resubmit to the places you submitted to before.
Keep going until you win. It took me more than 6 months to get back into the State when I got laid off last time. I must have put in a hundred applications. You work at the shithole until you can get somewhere you want to be.
Remember, every day you don't get hired somewhere else is another day of work experience you have that you didn't have yesterday.
Man, I just want you to know that I am happy for you because you vented this. Easily, you could have just kept it inside but instead you chose to vent it out. I'm proud of you for doing that.
I'm just 18 but I want to give you some advice. It's up to you whether or not you read it, it is your choice. Unless there is no other choice and you are sure about this, don't take a risky job. Three months working in a butcher shop (more like rainbow factory) and the distal phalanx (look it up if you have time) of my fingers get cut off in an accident wasn't worth the money. Sorry if I wasn't helpful or I just wasted your time.
P.S. I'm sorry about a depressing comment I made in one of the chapters of Scootaloo's Diary
I have been in much the same situation, lack of experience and most jobs require a minimum of 1 year for any *real* consideration for employment. Any real managerial position takes 3 and sometimes 2 years minimum experience in that department. Having non of that consistency in which I've worked in one place for even a year at a time. I've been through more agency work myself.
Freelance gets faster results, but employers don't look at agency work as legitimate work experience! I was shocked to have heard this from a would be employer. Employers furthermore don't want 'rats' who jump ship the moment they think they can find a better job. It costs money to train a replacement, but it costs more time as well which is the bigger issue they tend to have, often times depending where, employers have the gull to tell YOU to train your would be replacement.
Now, normally I've always hated the snitches that decide upon first look that they will do all in their power to get you in trouble. But here, you seem to take your job as deathly serious as I go into any job I get. Results and dedication shine above what people see you as. You may not be on their invite list to that company holiday party but they aren't about to throw you away either!
A *COMMON* business practice for supermarkets is INTIMIDATION. They want you to feel expendable so you try harder. And honestly, you are expendable to them. As much of a hassle to train a replacement, and no guarantee that they'll be any good, they will do it. They just let you keep working without you noticing. Which is easy to spot once they start asking you if you want certain days off. Or saying they need to cut back on your hours.
BUT! It is *mostly* intimidation. They 90% of the time can't afford to. Time is literally money to them. Your job is to make sure you manage that time well. As long as they can't prove you aren't doing your job, you're fine. Supervisors get bitched at constantly from higher ups if their store isn't meeting expectations. Those end up putting them in even more sour moods and for some regular supervisors that can lead to them being straight up douches.
Now, if one tactic, and this coming from an ex-supervisor, is they will literally say mean things to those they see as not capable of defending themselves/easily intimidated, that they will give you hell if they want you gone in hopes you quit so they aren't bound to pay you workers comp, which lasts until you get a job, long as you keep showing you are apping to other jobs every some amount of months or however that works. You can get as much as 80% of what you're making now and be able to sit on your ass all day. They do NOT want that. They can, at worst, take you down to the legal amount of minimum hours your on hire contract was for. Being full-time, they'd be pretty boned.
So, what do? As one who has dealt with a fair few assholes, and being as patient and tolerant as sin, you need only respond with "I do not appreciate your tone. Please start over." and enjoy the hilarity in their dumbfounded expression. Furthermore, since you seem pretty high up there but still below counting money? You can basically report any verbal abuse to the store manager. If that store manager is the one giving you hell? Guess what, they have a boss too! C&S hates it when you get the heads involved lol!
Look, no one is ever going to "appreciate" you. And you have to take into consideration what is worth reporting/wasting time on, when reporting an employee. Hearsay is not something that will hold very well. As long as cameras still show them working. The best defense you have against a regular supervisor that isn't head of the store, is to have a list of your responsibilities handy. Memorize them. It is OK to go above and beyond the call if it's what you want to do, but don't let them turn you into their personal doormat. You *CAN* say no. You *CAN* report them to *THEIR* boss. And believe me, if you request to speak to their boss and they refuse, they can get into BIGGER trouble.
You have rights. Learn them. No one has to like you. As messed up as it is, I go to work to do my job and go home. Work relations is one thing, but looking for friends is not what I'm getting paid to do. If someone gets between me and accomplishing my job, affects my job negatively, or overall effects my ability to complete it and risk hurting my paycheck? THOSE are the moments worth reporting.
1. Talk it out politely and directly. If they quickly retreat or fix the situation, continue on.
2. If it hasn't, continue to report the incident and demand a fix.
3. If the supervisor gives you shit, talks down to you, verbally assaults you (any direct derogatory or demeaning language) seek another supervisor within the area or let him know to connect you to the store manager. They cannot deny you a right to submit complaints against managers.
4. If harassment or you are fired suddenly, legal action can be taken in this case. He lashed out at you for reporting him. He fires you because of it. (NOTE: A lot of contracts state they can fire you without notice, this can still be fought against if discrimination is involved, which this case would fall under such as well as possibly harassment.) You can be entitled above 110-200%? Depending, I think in most cases if proven you get a lump sum+80-100% of workers comp in this case.
If all goes well, go about your job as normal. Best advice is to try and smile. Don't let the job defeat you. I know that monotonous feeling and deadness inside after getting home from a 10-12 hour work day and a 6 hour both ways trip total waste of a day.
If you have that one friend that is like a childhood bro or sis that just comes in to play games and hang out at your pad with you even though you're dead tired, it sucks, but they tend to understand. Not sure what they did, aside probably raiding your fridge eating all your cheese and drinking all your milk... but, if it isn't some associate that you feel, and sorta know, that they only come over just because you have games/internet. And you don't much enjoy the company all that much, then set some boundaries. That or just let go and just be happy someone is there to listen to you vent. If they suck at that, then you can toss them out! lol
982267 Thanks.
982224 Sorry? Why would you be sorry?
982640 Ah, so that notice was you xD
Yeah, it got lot less heated and more preachy a response, but having to spend almost 8 hours at an emergency room just for my buddy to get seem to why he was having breathing problems... and be told it was *nothing* was a nice way to make me forget the the original statement I wanted to make, thankfully I had brought my phone and 3DS with the R4 card.
Anyways, keep it up. And don't worry, snarky, sarcastic, and sour is only bad if you purposely use it to hurt people around you. I use mines for good! My own good
but yeah, love'em or hate'em, a friend usually became a friend for a good reason, so try not to lash out work problems of them, but set a line of things not to be crossed. I had to do that once. Hell, I still make everyone take off their shoes if they want to enter my room lol
982267 I'm not only part time, but not guaranteed any hours by my contract.
I appreciate the thoughtful words, but no, I'm actually the bottom-most rung, I'm the most expendable person in the store, basically. I know pretty well who to talk to when things go wrong, but when it's the whole atmosphere, there's not really a person to specifically address.