Extensive Research on Insanity from Head Trauma -- A Crackstory I wrote

I rustled my way out of the covers. The bright light momentarily blinded me as I opened my eyes while standing up. I wobbled around as I tried to unblind myself. I was tired, as I didn't get that much sleep. I planned to have a productive day. A sharp pain appeared in my forehead and I collapsed for a moment. I grabbed my way back up onto the ceiling and then realized I was Arachnid™©guy™©™© and then I flew through space and then my Arachnid™©senses™©™© were all like "Bro, there's this girl you could save and maybe she'll be your girlfriend." and I was like "BRO OK THEN LET'S GO BRO" and I swooped down to the earth which waved at me happily, joyed to see me return. I flew to the Europe, China, New Orlands and there was this girl who was about to fall into space and then explode and I flew to her and grabbed her and saved her. Then the Blue™© Orc™©™© came and was all like "BRO THAT BRO GIRL IS MINE BRO" and I was like "But bro bro bro I saved bro bro bro her so bro bro bro she's mine bro bro bro" and Blue™© Orc™©™© was like "BRO BRO NO BRO BRO BRO SHE BRO BRO BRO BRO IS BRO BRO MINE BRO BRO BRO" and I unhappily sadly pouted all like :( sadly because I was sadly sad. Sad sad sad. And then I was like "Bro bro bro Bubrobrot I bro bro bro bro bro want bro bro bro bro brobrobroborobroobroborobroborobobrobrorboborotrrorogieorgjseighisthgiuosgh her." but what came out was "I am want very badly buddies female fellow companions." because the translator never read anything with more than 15 pages, has an attention span of about 6 minutes depending on what he's eaten in the past 12, and despite having English as a first language, just can't figure out those pesky rules of grammar. Throw in the fact that he only has a vague understanding of the setting and characters in these stories, never proofreads, and never quite understood what the word "plot" really means. Yeah. THIS PART WAS NOT WRITTEN BY ONE OF THE JAPANESE WRITERS FOR THIS STORY! It was written by... uh... Bob. Yeah. Blame Bob. He did it. Anyway. Blue™© Orc™©™© was like "BROBROBROBRO" and I was like "BROBROBROBROBRO" and we argued like this for five minutes, twenty seven seconds, and seventy nine milliseconds. I was like "BroSbrocbroebrowbro brotbrohbroibrosbro!bro"bro ObroH NbroO IbroT GbroObroT ObroUbro--
Okay, everything is OKAY. Anyway. I fly away with the girl and the directors get angry because you have to listen to the villian and not do stuff and one of the directors fly into space to grab me but then I spit on him and he explodes ten times because I can do that now. I then walk away in mid air and go home to celebrate with... cake.

Meanwhile...

"Yes, his brain waves are fluxuating wildly."
"Should we bring him out of the coma?"
"I'm actually slightly enjoying his eye cortex output. Maybe later."
"I'm suprised we got away with this and got goverment funded."
"Me too Scott. Me too."