Self-indulgent Author's Note Spectacular! Chapter 10 edition · 9:08am Jan 3rd, 2013
"WAHAHA! After ten thousand words actually it was more like 25,000 I'm free! It's time to conquer some foals!"
"Silver Spoon! Rarity's escaped! Recruit a team of-wait, why did you start start touching yourself the second I told you that?"
...Anyway.
Welcome to the author’s notes for A Silver Sky chapter 10!
* Wait a minute…chapter TEN? Already? Holy crap! When I began, I thought the story would be almost done by this point, but there’s still a lot to get to! By this point in Twisted, everyone was already at the Gathering, clop was happening everywhere, and the endgame was underway. We’re not quite at the endgame of A Silver Sky just yet, though it’s harder to tell where such a point would begin, since this story has a much more complex plot. The point is, I think I can safely say that A Silver Sky will surpass Twisted’s length by a pretty decent margin. I know where everyone is going to end up, but it’ll still be a while before they all get there. Looks like you’re all stuck with me for a little longer.
*That said, it’s safe to say that we passed the halfway point a little while ago. This story is basically split into three distinct parts in my notes. Part one consisted of chapters 1-5, where we dealt with the ramifications of everyone’s actions at the Gathering, and with what happened during the two-month timeskip, culminating in Rarity’s arrest. Part two was chapters 6-10, all about Rarity’s very public fall from grace and her time in prison, and how this affects the lives of the ponies she’s known. That ended with her escape. Now, with Triage’s final line at the end of chapter 10, we’ve entered the third act. Will it be exactly five chapters like the other two? I have no idea. Actually, I only just now noticed that the other two were each five chapters! Hilarious! Don’t fret, though, because the third part will probably be longer than the other two. In fact now that I look at it the third part could easily be split into two distinct parOH GOD HAM SHUT UP.
* Speaking of things I just noticed, I tried to abbreviate A Silver Sky the other day, only to realize for the first time that this story’s initials spell ASS. How the hell did I miss that? (Actually, the FULL initials are ASS:FLP. Be sure to tell all your friends to read Ass Flip!)
* So yeah, I’m not good with titles. Now you could look at this chapter’s title and say “Oh, it’s called ‘Powerful’ because everyone is trying to gain power over each other, and now the conspirators want to help Rarity gain power, and Fancy has power over Triage because of that file and blah blah blah.” Well, you’re wrong. It’s called Powerful because Trixie is in it. She is also Great.
* Oh my God, writing Trixie is the most fun thing. I kind of want to write a series of fics just about her. Maybe someday. I don’t get to do comedy a lot in this story, because it feels out of place most of the time, and Twist, our main comedy relief pony from the previous tale, is busy getting the joy raped out of her on a daily basis. But then Trixie showed up, and suddenly it was okay to laugh again (so long as we NEVER FORGET.) Trixie’s dialog came as close to the old “it writes itself” cliché as anything I’ve ever written. At the same time, I had to be careful with her. I was really worried she would terminally disrupt the emotional intensity of the scene between Diamond and Rarity.
In fact, in the original draft, that’s exactly what happened. It was a goddamn mess, with Diamond breaking down and crying and then suddenly HERE COMES TRIXIE WITH HER FUNNY JOKES. MY NAME’S HAM AND I’M A WIZARD, WATCH AS I MAKE THE CREDIBILITY OF THE STORY DISAPPEAR.
A ton of stuff got rewritten to make the scene work. The dialog between Diamond and Rarity barely changed, but all the staging was redone. For example, having the pens levitate was a part I added to put some distance between Diamond’s breakdown and the arrival of Trixie and her plot-streamlining amulet.
Even with all the rewrites, I agonized over that scene for about a day, because it’s the payoff of something I set up ALL the way back in Tarnished Silver, and to fuck it up would be a travesty. I really hope I struck the right balance in the end.
* By the way, not kidding about the plot-streamlining powers of that amulet. Rarity and Diamond would have ended up at Triage’s eventually (it’s important, you’ll see) but in my original plan, getting Diamond there was going to involve a whole extra subplot where she headed to Canterlot on her own, and it was filled with superfluous, coincidental bullshit that I hated. It would have gone on for entire chapters and it would have sucked, all so I could get Diamond to Triage’s house. Well, fuck that. AMULET. Problem solved.
* That Diamond/Rarity sequence was something I originally pondered putting into Twisted, but there was no room for it. I’m glad of that, because putting Rarity in the slammer was the perfect opportunity to give Rarity her own Ebenezer Scrooge moment, forcing our heroine to confront the rottenness in her soul via three visitors.
Applejack, who came from her past and made it very clear that the past was where their friendship would remain. Indigo, who told her what was happening in the present. Scrooge’s third ghost, in my reading, was never really so concerned with Christmases Yet to Come as he was with death, and Diamond Tiara came to talk to Rarity about that very subject. Does that make Trixie Jacob Marley? Don’t be silly. Trixie is Fezziwig.
* Of course, don’t be expecting Rarity to miraculously be transformed into a good and chaste pony starting next chapter or anything (“You there! Consenting adult! What day is it?”) It’s never that easy around these parts. Besides, Scrooge had it easier, as he did not wake up on the 25th to a visit from three rich jerks who wanted to make him CEO of Christmas Haters Incorporated.
* I do not plan out the length of a chapter. When I sit down to write, I have a list of events I need to happen before the chapter ends, but I don’t worry about how many pages it will take me to get there. In some cases this results in surprisingly long chapters like this one, which originally had the directives: “Trixie finds out about the amulet, Diamond and Rarity talk, Trixie springs Rarity from jail and Diamond comes with them.” But then when I sat down to write, my mind said, “Hey, we should introduce Triage. Everyone else in this chapter is a canon pony, but she’s a filthy OC and the leader of the Conspirators. You should write about her backstory so she doesn’t come off as generic and boring.”
And I was all, “No, mind, no one wants to hear some bullshit origin story about an OC. I’ll just write like one paragraph re-introducing her, and that will be that.”
And then I wrote four pages about her. I regret nothing.
All I had on Triage when I began writing this chapter was the stuff I mentioned about her in Twisted: she’s a surgeon, and she has a fetish for unconscious foals. All the other stuff was brand new. I didn’t know about her narcissism or her dislike for being around others until I wrote those words.
* On a similar note, while I knew from the start of Silver Spoon’s Mark that someday Rarity and Diamond Tiara were going to have a Very Serious Talk, I had no idea what they were going to say to each other. I still didn’t know what Diamond was going to say when she walked into the visitor’s room. The three of us kind of found out together.
That’s just how it goes sometimes. It’s one of my favorite things about writing: I get to discover these moments that feel like they were there all along, waiting for me.
Well that last part was rather sweet. All of Diamond Tiara's speech was rather interesting. Now to see how she takes with her being alive.
Triage seemed interesting. Also to await what plans they have to usurp Fancy Pants.
>why did you start start touching yourself the second I told you that?
I love you, and foalcon is best con
"Speaking of things I just noticed, I tried to abbreviate A Silver Sky the other day, only to realize for the first time that this story’s initials spell ASS. How the hell did I miss that? (Actually, the FULL initials are ASS:FLP. Be sure to tell all your friends about Ass Flip!)"
I admit I giggled.
"On a similar note, while I knew from the start of Silver Spoon’s Mark that someday Rarity and Diamond Tiara were going to have a Very Serious Talk, I had no idea what they were going to say to each other. I still didn’t know what Diamond was going to say when she walked into the visitor’s room. The three of us kind of found out together."
You seriously need a Rarity tulpa!
675125
Oh god nooooo. The whole Tulpa concept kind of horrifies me. I'm pretty skeptical that it's even real, but even if it is, I don't think I would ever want to do it. My mind is distracted and noisy enough, thanks.
Also, if THIS Rarity were my tulpa, she'd probably pretend I was 10 years old and try to rape me.
I suspected the title powerful was mainly because of Trixie, and don't get me wrong, I love when a simple word title end being a concept that applies to a few scenes of the story (chapter)
Actually I have enjoyed all of the ASS, and TS chapter names in general, most probably except Rarity's Garden.
I guess her mom painting to make it Rarity's gallery, made less sense for the bunny being there, yet first cleaning ritual over white pain... Never mind.
I have sensed some times how the story feels short, or how some "natural" situations are worked over, and don't make me wrong, it's part of the charming of an story, refrigerator logic shouldn't ruin a well narrated story.
A "wheat" instead of "what" (I think) a " symbol missed somewhere, little thing like that appear often (I mean for a 25k words story that's it) proofreading also feels short, and that's something that doesn't throws down a well narrated story like this one, but it's kinda annoying.
I enjoy how you make a point to latter make contrast on it with a single line to highlight a situation, I can tell by now you enjoy doing that. Not always with the rate of success than your cliffhangers, or titles, but oh, well.
I dunno how to get about clop scenes, but I have to say that I've enjoyed your "clop." Quick, descriptive, intense, and hot if not for the fact most are rape scenes on foals.
I seriously can't see this as a clopfic as much I think this is an horror story, and a good one.
Now I can say I'm more into this story because I like stories trying to take a serious attempt to depict the mane six as some short of monster (Applejack is a thief, RD using steroids, Twilight is delusional, PP is SECRETELY the village who're, etc) than because of foalcon, yet that's what really makes this a great grim-dark story, and not only the concept, but the execution's the best I've seen around.
Which remembers me, if you have some recommendations about stories that kind around, I'd be happy to take them.
At first the characters seemed kind of plain, I had my reserves about the cast, Silver isn't not my fav character, and until Applejack appeared, I feel like I was mostly reading some kind of "ponified" story, it sometimes even feels anthropomorphic, but after Applejack it made sense why not CMC (an obvious election) yet I think Berry Pinch disappeared out to nowhere.
I had seriously bought the first 2 episodes like someone's real experience, mostly by the lack of the use of "somepony"
Yet the narration was good and I decided to enjoy the grim tones of the story, Silver isn't either my fave pony for a clopfic, but that's actually OK for an story more dark than cloppy, I actually liked the cloppy shorts, I just had liked to find them in a less grim story. like what Jet Set 'wife' does to twist, or the red unicorn mare with the twins come fast to my mind.
I'm telling you all this expecting some interest from the writer on the reactions of his readers, other than a few pony emoticons i mean.
I was talking on how the cast worked for me, at first it was generic, Rarity's Garden had worked for me with any other pony, I mean literaly any grown up, not only on mane six. Celestia, Rose Luck, Fluttershy even Derpy had worked, but I had read tarnished silver first to be honest, and that had reduced the list to Bic Mac, Shinning Armor, or any older sibling, I didn't really care, Silver Spoon never was important for me, but now that I suspect that would make THIS Silver Spoon happy, that opinion has changed.
It was until Applejack was introduced that the list feel short as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, or Applejack and Rarity, and I'm way more into the former. It had been wonderful see Rarity playing Miss Monster, one of the best villains, anti-hero or whatever she turns out to be at the end, I don't even care. Rite now I'm so far like chapter 10.
And I have enjoyed the ride, I was expected the princesses as liders of the circle, and Silver Sky to be some kind of after years story after Silver Spoon had find emancipation from Rarity, and find my expectations played with was actually a rather nice surprise. (rite now I'm expecting 20 to be gaze, but hush, now I have to hide this inside a brick of text for who has not finished the story) Applejack acent was perfect, and what she said, Damn, best Applejack than many actual Applejack stories. Trixie is another favorite, and while I was wondering what the hell a pencil and a notebook where doing in that table, I enjoyed the Anomaly affect before teleportations didnt feel forced for first time.
The thing Twilight said to Spike about stars feels forced at first too, but after the checkpoints with everyone else I could say it was worty.
New OC characters are nice too, I'm kinda glad to see more of Triage, I'd like to see more of Aurora too. I seriously don't remember her colors by now, but the silver filly description about Spoon feels used too often, I had wished to trade some of those to Aurora.
Here I have to say that I hate stories that are all about OC's, even when they are good, (I mean here in fimfiction) and that I love when background ponies used, no matter if it's Redheart nurse helping Pinkie delivering (yes, I'd read your first fic already) or if Redheart is dealing with her nightly alcoholism (I said I like twisted stories already)
But before Applejack and Trixie, characters feel so generic that Triage and Aurora (a couple of my fave ocs now) didn't lack of charm. I would like to think that the story is finished by now, yet I hope to see more of those 2
Ps. Do the Celestia X Pinkie fic, if you know what I mean.
Pss. I mean they having sex.
2418281
Oh man, thanks for this huge critique! It's very helpful, even all these months later.
I kind of see what you mean when you talk about AJ and Trixie having less generic characterization. The two of them have very unique speech patterns, and I think using them helps the reader "hear" those familiar voices in their heads. You can kind of do this with Rarity, too, but her refined speech on the show is mostly carried through inflection (with the occasional "darling") except when she's in crying drama queen mode (something I tried to avoid in this story because it deals with more serious problems than the ones canon Rarity usually falls to pieces over.
So I can see where you're coming from with that critique. I think it also helps that AJ and Trixie are barely different in this universe from how they are in the show, AJ in particular resisting the corruption that has consumed Rarity, Silver, and Fancy, among others. I'm really glad you liked their portrayal!
This seems to be true of almost everyone! I really like Silver Spoon but she wasn't my favorite when I began writing this. She just seemed right for the part. If anything, the lack of stories based around her probably helped this series stand out a little. I'm happy to give her a little more recognition.
In retrospect, you're right that this is more of a horror story than clop. I didn't plan it that way, but it slowly turned into that. I wonder what that says about me?
Anyway, glad you're enjoying the ride, I hope the remaining chapters meet with your approval.
2419305
Silver wasn't one of my favorites, till I saw this.
i46.tinypic.com/2dmf85g.gif
How can I say no now? Just look at her.
Don't get me wrong, your Rarity is wonderful, your SweetieBelle is heartbreaking, and I've always enjoyed the freedom that background ponies give for an story, by generic I meant that the same story had worked so far pretty much the same with other characters and slight changes, until those events.
At least for me, I know it doesn't sounds pretty much as a compliment, but it is.
Something that, I'm sure, is hard for you to see, judging by how well structured you had the calendar of the whole story on your head.
But yeah, the illusion of the speech helps, and the fact Applejack and Trixie are of my faves, sure did something for me.
Yet now it makes sense for it to Silver hearing Tiara inside of her head, to be the main character, it make sense it's Rarity and not Applejack, because Applejack as a family, while Rarity is pretty much alone (also her obvious disappear in S3 I guess, it was my first guess but that had been just a joke in the back of my head), it make sense Twist, I wondered it for a while, but the explanation Rarity gives to Applejack justified the lack of CMC, also Scootaloo as comical relief in a faalcon rape-grim story...?
Pinkie's failed abortion is best Twist, actually, Diamond Tara...
damn, even pip made sense when luna shows up, and I hate pip
I'm a bit ahead now and even Spoon makes a reference to Rarity's darlings, it had been out of place with only this story, the funny part is, it's not considering canon or many other fics. I felt it like a subtle, well placed joke, or maybe you mind way more every darling that leacks, being the writer and so.