Author's Notes: A Canterlot Divorce · 2:50pm Dec 29th, 2012
Author's Author's Note Note: I know each chapter has individual author's notes, but, mine happen to be giant rambling monologues which really aren't suited for it.
A Canterlot Divorce was conceived one late-summer evening as a critique of Shining Armor, that he's so plain of a character I could do about anything with him and have it fit as long as he has some vernier of nobility. That, and he didn't notice when his beloved fiance was kidnapped and replaced, which really made me wonder if he did care for her that much.
In the course of writing, this really didn't pan out. There really wasn't much to do with Shining Armor. He has one character trait. Cadance probably has fewer. We learn she's nice and loves Shining Armor. Hooray? Nice is sort of the assumed premise with a pony at this point. Shining Armor is his namesake and spends most of the second episode hypnotized to the point of unconsciousness. Faceted.
I was sort of worried about both being in Crystal Empire but all Shining Armor did was show off his Star Wars cosplay and toss his wife, and Cadance was a plot device. Present in 4 episodes and they has less character for it than Braeburn.
I'm fine with all those episodes, but lord knows those two didn't carry them.
So I decided to take Cadance's affection to its logical conclusion since I didn't have anything else to do with her, and explain Shining Armor failing to notice his fiance was replaced by an openly rude doppelganger. I made a fun story for the reader and vent my frustration with the episode after the Hub went fucking bonkers with advertising only for the central characters to be flat.
It turned into what it is now: a story about needing to know when a situation is fundamentally fucked and you just can't do anything but be there when it's over. A cynical lesson, so I hoped to take the edge off with humor. Thus, the romantic tragicomedy it is now.
Uh, that's really it. I can't do a blow-by-blow like I did TSPAB since it's five times as long. I could mention a few things:
"I mean, I'm... we're going..."
Cadance's pregnant, she and Shining Armor conceived the child on their honeymoon, before things started falling apart. I put in the hints but never really did anything with it, because I didn't think it would add anything to make it more prominent. One of the ideas I had but didn't use at all is that something like this happened to Celestia in the distant past, a very short-lived marriage and the other party claiming royalty, and that's how she has nephews and nieces.
"We consummated this marriage in Cape Ann, and for what? A funny show?"
Cape Ann, Massachusetts is the location in the novel Slaughterhouse-Five where Billy Pilgrim and his wife had their honeymoon. I wanted to make a horse pun of it but none really worked. Vonnegut references are always better than horse puns anyway.
They were... Jet Set and Upper Crust?
They're upper-class assholes who really care about social standing, and are thus perfect for preying on a crumbling situation that would discredit a rival. I really don't have a better reason for including them.
"This is the dream of generations of Sparkles, and I am not letting one idiot ruin it just because he gets cold hooves!"
Twimom's only line in the show is making horse noises. I remember before Cutie Mark Chronicles that people theorized that Twilight was an orphan who Celestia took under her wing for some reason or other. Turns out, she's part of an extremely distinguished and privileged family. I tried to work with that angle, and to introduce the idea of how many players are involved with this marriage. It was really annoying how Twimom has no official name, though.
Rarity looked down. "Oh, I'll never beat those fancy Canterlot suit places. Do you know what they do to anypony who tries to muscle into their turf? I'll miss Vented Coat..."
Unfortunate implications volume 1: Vented Coat's official cause of death was an accident.
Rainbow took an angry bite out of her sandwich. "I can't believe I wasted a whole Sonic Rainboom on a sham marriage!"
I am forever impressed by anyone who can handle scenes with the entire mane six. It's really, really hard to show an open conversation between six characters and have them all do meaningful things. I don't think I succeeded.
Fluttershy nodded. "It is wonderful, isn't it? I wonder who fucked a weatherpony this time?"
Unfortunate implications volume 2: Fluttershy dropping an f-bomb is only half the joke. The other half is "this time," implying this something that's happened before.
"What in the hay is this?" Applejack exclaimed.
Speaking of f-bombs, there was one here originally. I thought it took away from Fluttershy's. Incidentally this took Applejack out of the sweary ponies group, which contains every major character in this story but Luna.
"Auntie Lulu! How good to see you!" Twilight replied with a big smile.
Levity both in and out of story, and because I wanted a joke about cutesy but insufferable nicknames and that Luna actually is Twilight's aunt now.
The owner of the sign was none other than Princess Celestia.
Geomancing (who is probably more famous for Three Hundred and Fifty's cover image by now) drew the ratty cardboard sign for me, and it is the only part of the story I unambiguously like.
So, uh, unless anyone has any other questions I am going to try and put this damn thing behind me because it has taken up too much of my life.
EDIT: Apparently I can't because I forgot things. Fuck me.
Chrysalis is in the story's cover image, character tags, and full title (It's A Canterlot Divorce, or Springitme for Chrysalis: A Story of Emotionally Broken People) but doesn't appear at all and can't even be named since no one uses her name in the episode proper. This is intentional. Her lasting impact on Shining Armor is enough for her to qualify.
Between the premise, the large amounts of bolding and italics for emphasis, an opening scene that is entirely dialogue with no narration, the use of an image, a quote, and even font sizes, this was very much an experiment to see if I actually could pull off any of the above effectively and actually write a good story that doesn't rely on a shocking title (did you notice the titular divorce never actually happened?) or openly insulting the reader (I am hoping this qualifies as at least a slightly intellectual story). I hope you think I succeeded, at least in part.
Team "Didn't Attend Twilight's Birthday" present and accounted for.
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Yeah, this story was born of the same sort of annoyance as that. If Shining Armor was such an important figure to Twilight and they were so close, how could he not attend Twilight's birthday which was in the royal palace?